In need of advice

I've been very shy and anxious pretty much my whole life, but what's really driven me to rethink it lately is a few people I've met in the last few weeks in a course I'm taking, who tell me I'm so shy, that I'm the quietest kid in the class.

I know it's true, but this all of a sudden hurts very much and I want to change it ASAP. I have very very few friends in RL and have a difficult time talking to people. I think I simply have a case of extreme shyness, but how can I go around changing it? How do I step out of my comfort zone when I have no or very few places to go or people to go with to practice my social skills.

it's very confusing, what shall I do? I don't want to be this way anymore.

Do you live in a city? If you do, then "I have no or very few places to go" is wrong. I use that excuse myself but the truth is there are a lot of places to go, you just tell yourself there aren't because they're outside of your comfort zone.

Don't be too hard on yourself for being shy. There is something to be said for the strong/silent type. It is good though to challenge yourself, join a club at school or sports team. That's what I did. Competitive sports team will definitely force you out of your comfort zone as you will have to deal with intense team mates but if you're not ready for that don't do it.

To recap. It's okay being shy. Try to step out of your comfort zone but don't beat yourself up either. Good Luck!

voodoo said:

I've been very shy and anxious pretty much my whole life, but what's really driven me to rethink it lately is a few people I've met in the last few weeks in a course I'm taking, who tell me I'm so shy, that I'm the quietest kid in the class.

I know it's true, but this all of a sudden hurts very much and I want to change it ASAP. I have very very few friends in RL and have a difficult time talking to people. I think I simply have a case of extreme shyness, but how can I go around changing it? How do I step out of my comfort zone when I have no or very few places to go or people to go with to practice my social skills.

it's very confusing, what shall I do? I don't want to be this way anymore.

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First of all, remember that what you're feeling is normal, and although it may seem like everyone around you is social there's more people like you than you think!

Second, overcoming shyness happens gradually, you won't be able to change it overnight. This is coming from an extremely shy person! I know it's frustrating and you will want to change as soon as you can, but it has to be one step at a time.

Are there any clubs or activities you might be interested in at school, anything that sparks your interest? You might find that it's easier to overcome shyness when you find other people with similar interests. Participate in these activities and you will find that it's easier to talk to those around you!

it's probably going to hurt at first (or at least, that's how it's going to look like), but you need to take risks if you are to change anything.

although for me, there's nothing wrong with being quiet. it's not a disorder, it's not a disease. if you want to change only because you feel pressured, i'd say it's not worth it. but if you're doing it because you honestly want to make a connection, & you know that by nature, you're a people person, then go for it.

If you want more friends it maybe helpful to ask your existing friends to introduce you to their friends. Also try to force yourself to talk more, try to talk more often. What are your interests? Maybe you can join a club and meet like minded people. Its going to be hard at first but with enough time and practice it'll definitely come more naturally to you. Good luck.

I am in a city at the moment and I don't go to any clubs because I feel like people will laugh at me however I have started looking into a sign language course (where I don't need to speak just use my hands!) and I have started looking into movie clubs, where people host movies (joint in with my university). Theres a lot out there for all types of people, doesn't need to be sporty could be art classes or yoga or organisations joint in with school/university. There is plenty to go and see and do!. It takes me forever to open up and talk to people, my group of friends say Im the shy and quiet one but I am really not, my boyfriend and family tell me to always shut up cause I am always chatting away cause I feel I cant do that with my friends..maybe try find people you are comfortable with like friends and family. I thank my stars my boyfriend stuck around me long enough for me to feel like I could speak to him, he was patient but my friends aren't so patient but I am trying my best!.