I wish I was handsome.

I really do. I have very minimal experience with women. Most of it happened in my high school years, and even that was short lived as it was just some girl that felt like kissing someone and I happened to be there. Another thing I deal with is a lack of a social life, but I feel there is hope in meeting people that could be my friends, I don’t think it would matter that I am really ugly but when finding a woman it apparently it does.

I made a pathetic attempt to date by joining an online dating website a few months back. I must have sent close to 30 messages and only one responded, but stopped contact with me as soon as she found out I had no job. I am certain I have this problem because of my looks. I am not a moron or a douche bag and I consider myself to be a sensitive, educated person. My face is ugly I suppose. It must be really ugly, uglier than I imagined. I was so sure that my looks were the probably that I did something crazy to prove it, an “experiment” we can call it. I made a fake profile with a few pictures I found online of a fairly good looking guy. I started messaging the same very girls I had messaged with my original profile, and within the same day I was getting replies! Of course I am not going to converse any more with these people with the fake profile, I will delete it soon, I just wanted to see what would happen if I were a good looking guy. This just makes me hate myself even more. I hate my ****in looks. I wish I was handsome like that guy in the pictures. I am bitter and angry. I remember I used to message girls that I wasn’t that attracted to or they weren’t as tall as I liked them to be but their personalities seemed interesting and we had the same hobbies, so I overlooked appearances and kept my mind open, and even those girls ignored me! Basically I was being rejected by girls I was lowering my standards to. So I put up this fake profile with a mediocre description of myself, and deliberately misspelled a few words and still I got replies because of that guy’s looks. I hate women and I give up. Or maybe I should say I hate myself and my looks, but I resent women for only seeing how ugly I and nothing else, I make a fake profile and make this guy out to be some type of moron based on his description of himself and how he writes and just because of his looks he got replies, unless those girls are attracted to morons. I thought men were the usually the ones who put the utmost importance in their partners looks, women are worse! You have to be good looking and perfect in every way. I even remember coming across a bold females profile stating how the first thing that mattered to her is the guy’s looks, then his personality is going to be the deal breaker, she said. A woman like that wants Mr. Perfect. She was at least bold enough to be open and honest, so that ugly guys like me steer away from messaging her.

I hate myself so much because of this, because of how ugly I am. It’s enough to contemplate suicide. I wish I was handsome…

Confidence can override looks, if you don't have confidence then fake it....now try that as an experiment.

You have never seen an ugly guy with a partner? In your entire life? Really?

Because I go out and it's a common sight.

And most women are not attracted to morons, BUT there are quite a few who feel intimidated by high intelligence because they're average themselves.

Minty said:

You have never seen an ugly guy with a partner? In your entire life? Really?

Because I go out and it's a common sight.

And most women are not attracted to morons, BUT there are quite a few who feel intimidated by high intelligence because they're average themselves.

Click to expand...

Why sarcasm? Of course I seen ugly guys with gf's. I can't speak for them or what they did to get a gf, I am only speaking for myself and from my own personal experience.

Jannah said:

Why sarcasm? Of course I seen ugly guys with gf's. I can't speak for them or what they did to get a gf, I am only speaking for myself and from my own personal experience.

Click to expand...

Sorry for the sarcasm. It's just...that's proof that ugliness does not inhibit one from getting a date. So don't blame your looks. Don't obsess over them. Target the real problem, be it SA or whatever is stopping you.

luckycharms said:

Confidence can override looks, if you don't have confidence then fake it....now try that as an experiment.

Click to expand...

I tried that actually. Her name was Mel. She was a girl I met last semester. We got along great and I thought she really liked my personalty, so me being the ballsy person that I am told her how I felt, she said thank you but that she didn't feel the same. I really thought I had a chance, but no, I was rejected. I'm almost certain it's because of my looks. It just made me hate myself even more.

Fighting deleted. Back on topic please

Minty said:

Sorry for the sarcasm. It's just...that's proof that ugliness does not inhibit one from getting a date. So don't blame your looks. Don't obsess over them. Target the real problem, be it SA or whatever is stopping you.

Click to expand...

It did with me though, every time, it never fails.

My SA is at a minimal these days. Everything is connected, my anxieties came from my low self esteem,my low self esteem came from how I felt about my looks, which came from being called ugly in my younger years.

No need to keep insulting, Jannah. Just keep it on topic man.

Jannah said:

It did with me though, every time, it never fails.

My SA is at a minimal these days. Everything is connected, my anxieties came from my low self esteem,my low self esteem came from how I felt about my looks, which came from being called ugly in my younger years.

Click to expand...

I'm terribly sorry that happened to you, but you have to believe it's not your ugliness that's causing your troubles. It's another trait. Maybe the low self-esteem. If ugly people date, ugliness does not prevent one from dating. That's just how logic works.

And that's a good thing! If it's something else, then you can change it. You have the power to work on yourself, maybe build some of that confidence up. You may feel that it doesn't matter because you can't see it, but it does. Confidence radiates and spreads like a wild fire. People will like you if they feel good when they're around you.

Jannah said:

I tried that actually. Her name was Mel. She was a girl I met last semester. We got along great and I thought she really liked my personalty, so me being the ballsy person that I am told her how I felt, she said thank you but that she didn't feel the same. I really thought I had a chance, but no, I was rejected. I'm almost certain it's because of my looks. It just made me hate myself even more.

Click to expand...

I'm sorry that didn't work for you, but don't give up.

If you gave me the choice between:

A drop dead gorgeous guy who came up to me and said, "So, umm, yeah, ummm, will you go out with me sometime?'

VS

A guy on the ugly side who was charming and came up to me with confidence and eye contact and asked me out....

I would pick the ugly guy. Online dating may not be the place for you bc so many people are judging you on your looks right off the bat. You would probably do better meeting people in person. I also believe in pheromones. Have you ever been incredibly attracted to someone and you couldn't figure out why...that is pheromones at work.

We all have an insecurity about something, that's part of being human. Beauty is only temporary, in 20-30 years it will be gone and then what is left?

Minty said:

I'm terribly sorry that happened to you, but you have to believe it's not your ugliness that's causing your troubles. It's another trait. Maybe the low self-esteem. If ugly people date, ugliness does not prevent one from dating. That's just how logic works.

And that's a good thing! If it's something else, then you can change it. You have the power to work on yourself, maybe build some of that confidence up. You may feel that it doesn't matter because you can't see it, but it does. Confidence radiates and spreads like a wild fire. People will like you if they feel good when they're around you.

Click to expand...

Perhaps, but in that case the confidence or personality traits I'd posses would shadow over my physical unattractiveness (a quick fix), but that wouldn't take away the fact that I still have an ugly face, and that I had to tremendously compensate for it by having huge confidence or terrific personalty traits. I am ugly no matter what.

Most people are shallow.

Two major problems with dating sites are that women get messaged far, far more than men (even without a picture) and that people don't have much to judge you on besides a picture and some statistics, like your employment status. Many people are dishonest on the information bits too--how many people really do all the hobbies they have listed, do you think? Even if you're as honest as possible it doesn't really sum you up as a person, so again it defaults to things like the picture. As a guy, it can be pretty tough not to get discouraged in that sort of environment.

Jannah said:

Perhaps, but in that case the confidence or personality traits I'd posses would shadow over my physical unattractiveness (a quick fix), but that wouldn't take away the fact that I still have an ugly face, and that I had to tremendously compensate for it by having huge confidence or terrific personalty traits. I am ugly no matter what.

Click to expand...

Trust me, if you were to develop true confidence, you wouldn't care about how you look. It just wouldn't be an issue. Your face would define your self worth about as much as a piece of lint in your pocket does.

have you posted a picture here?

the reason i ask is that most of my life I thought i was ugly

but people have convinced me that i might not be

i would be interested to know if you might not be as ugly as you think

in which case your "ugliness" isn't really the problem at all

and we can address some other issues you might be overlooking

luckycharms said:

I'm sorry that didn't work for you, but don't give up.

If you gave me the choice between:

A drop dead gorgeous guy who came up to me and said, "So, umm, yeah, ummm, will you go out with me sometime?'

VS

A guy on the ugly side who was charming and came up to me with confidence and eye contact and asked me out....

I would pick the ugly guy. Online dating may not be the place for you bc so many people are judging you on your looks right off the bat. You would probably do better meeting people in person. I also believe in pheromones. Have you ever been incredibly attracted to someone and you couldn't figure out why...that is pheromones at work.

We all have an insecurity about something, that's part of being human. Beauty is only temporary, in 20-30 years it will be gone and then what is left?

Click to expand...

No, not really, I could always figure out what it was about a female that attracted me to her. But I'm familiar with the concept.

So what other advice are you looking for?
If you can't believe that increasing your confidence and working on letting the positive parts of your personality shine through is enough, then the only alternative is plastic surgery?
That is drastic, expensive and painful.
You know there are females that are not comfortable with the way they look and are willing to give guys with a great personality a go you know. You obviously have not come across any of these yet unfortunately. They are out there, maybe you need to increase your exposure to find some. Could you join a hobby club or something like that to meet more people?

^ I think he's partially just looking to vent.

coyote said:

have you posted a picture here?

the reason i ask is that most of my life I thought i was ugly

but people have convinced me that i might not be

i would be interested to know if you might not be as ugly as you think

in which case your "ugliness" isn't really the problem at all

and we can address some other issues you might be overlooking

Click to expand...

Once long long time ago, when I use to visit this site on a regular. One person commented on the pic and it was a guy, he just said "nice pic". He was a heterosexual guy so I didn't think nothing of it.

And I will absolutely not put up a picture of myself, I don't need to hear "o you look fine" or "no, you aren't ugly", of course that's what people will say. If someone said "yea, you aren't a looker" I would thank them for being so blunt.