I have been diagnosed with bipolar and social anxiety disorder. About 7-8 months ago I went to a psychiatry. I was the oldest (17 years) and then there were only teens around 14-15. To me, they seemed to be very childish except one girl (who later became my friend).
After like one week, a new guy arrived. He was tall, kind, funny and cute. He was also 15 years old but to me his mind seemed to be older. He had everything I liked and - I've never believed in it before - it was love at first sight.
Although I never used any make-up and did not dress as I'd usually do when seeing my friends or going to school, he made compliments.
He made me laugh and forget about the depression. But I thought that I should quickly forget about him because I felt that he's way too good for me. And I didn't know how to talk to him because of my social anxiety disorder. And - there was a girl and a guy, who kept bullying others. I almost had no chance to be alone with him and whenever I could - I was the happiest girl ever. There was a sofa and we were all watching TV. I was tired so I laid down, he then softly stroked my head and sang "sleep, baby, sleep."
Another day my friend said that he had said that he's attracted to me.
I hate the fact that I didn't tell him that I feel the same.
By the end of my stay at the psychiatry I was quite pissed off (my friend had left and only those bullies remained; wrong medication). So I left without really saying good-bye.
On the way to the door I walked past his room (that he shared with one of the bullies) and surely both of them looked at me but I only recognized him looking into my eyes saying a calm "goodbye".
I wish I had hugged him but because of the other guy I couldn't. I had too much fear.
A few days after I went home I looked for him on Facebook and fortunately found him! I told him that he was one of those people I liked the most at the psychiatry and that he seems to be very adult.
The awkward thing is that his mother read it and told him by calling him up on the phone.
She was very kind, though.
Now, 7-8 months later I had already forgotten about him but suddenly, I dreamed of him the whole night long. I dreamed of his beautiful eyes looking at me, him simply being with me. I could feel his love.
Then I woke up and felt the most lovesick ever. So I signed up for Facebook again (I had my account deactivated for like 6 months) and poked him. He poked back.
About 6 days ago I sent a message saying "Hi, how are you".
He has seen it but hasn't replied until now.
I thought that if he'd just told me something like "I'm fine, what about you?", I'd asked him out and take my missed chance to tell him how I really feel. (I'd ignored the fact that he lives more than just a few miles away.)
But in this case, I'd better leave it. I mean, ignoring me clearly shows that there's absolutely no more interest in me.
I can't sleep at night, though. He's in my head all the time and I still have dreams about him.
All I do now is trying to get distracted and focus on something else.
After like one week, a new guy arrived. He was tall, kind, funny and cute. He was also 15 years old but to me his mind seemed to be older. He had everything I liked and - I've never believed in it before - it was love at first sight.
Although I never used any make-up and did not dress as I'd usually do when seeing my friends or going to school, he made compliments.
He made me laugh and forget about the depression. But I thought that I should quickly forget about him because I felt that he's way too good for me. And I didn't know how to talk to him because of my social anxiety disorder. And - there was a girl and a guy, who kept bullying others. I almost had no chance to be alone with him and whenever I could - I was the happiest girl ever. There was a sofa and we were all watching TV. I was tired so I laid down, he then softly stroked my head and sang "sleep, baby, sleep."
Another day my friend said that he had said that he's attracted to me.
I hate the fact that I didn't tell him that I feel the same.
By the end of my stay at the psychiatry I was quite pissed off (my friend had left and only those bullies remained; wrong medication). So I left without really saying good-bye.
On the way to the door I walked past his room (that he shared with one of the bullies) and surely both of them looked at me but I only recognized him looking into my eyes saying a calm "goodbye".
I wish I had hugged him but because of the other guy I couldn't. I had too much fear.
A few days after I went home I looked for him on Facebook and fortunately found him! I told him that he was one of those people I liked the most at the psychiatry and that he seems to be very adult.
The awkward thing is that his mother read it and told him by calling him up on the phone.
She was very kind, though.
Now, 7-8 months later I had already forgotten about him but suddenly, I dreamed of him the whole night long. I dreamed of his beautiful eyes looking at me, him simply being with me. I could feel his love.
Then I woke up and felt the most lovesick ever. So I signed up for Facebook again (I had my account deactivated for like 6 months) and poked him. He poked back.
About 6 days ago I sent a message saying "Hi, how are you".
He has seen it but hasn't replied until now.
I thought that if he'd just told me something like "I'm fine, what about you?", I'd asked him out and take my missed chance to tell him how I really feel. (I'd ignored the fact that he lives more than just a few miles away.)
But in this case, I'd better leave it. I mean, ignoring me clearly shows that there's absolutely no more interest in me.
I can't sleep at night, though. He's in my head all the time and I still have dreams about him.
All I do now is trying to get distracted and focus on something else.
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