I only find joy when I am at work

I recently started to do my on the job training in nursing homes and honestly it's the only thing in that's giving me some joy in my life. While I'm going there I live with my girlfriend who always wants my attention and it just gets on my nerves sometimes. I come back home every weekend and see my best friend and my brother have bonded and forgotten about me. I'm a loner at school and just sit alone most of the time. I've tried to bond and make friends but none of them want to talk to me. I really want to smoke again, it's been 2 years smoke free. I can't though I'm to broke to smoke, I have no money and still owe the school $599 that I need to pay this month. I'm just so stressed and overwhelmed with everything.

I try to enjoy video games or comic books or music. I can't though instead all I want to do is sleep. Honestly I sleep to much now, I used to never sleep but now I'm always sleeping. I have constant nightmares though and always wake up in the middle of the night.

I guess I only feel joy when I'm at work because I'm helping these people who are vulnerable and I'm trying to give them hope. I want them to be happy, I just don't want anyone to feel as dark as I do inside. It makes me feel like I have a purpose and I'm afraid if I lose it I lose my purpose in life, I don't know what would happen then.

I don't know if it's a silly idea, but since you found out that helping others make you happy, and what makes you anxious right now is to lose this opportunity that you have to be in a place where you can help others, would it be possible for you to volunteer in a place where they offer services for people in need (homeless, children, sick or old people)? The advantage of it would be

1- If you lose your job, you still have this other place where you can feel useful
2- It might make you even better at your job training, which will lower the chances for you to get fired
3- You will have less time on your hands to be annoyed by your girlfriend, worried about your other relationships or being nostalgic about smoking
4- You will meet other people like you who find joy in helping others.

Only challenge is find the time and the place.

Pacific_Loner said:

I don't know if it's a silly idea, but since you found out that helping others make you happy, and what makes you anxious right now is to lose this opportunity that you have to be in a place where you can help others, would it be possible for you to volunteer in a place where they offer services for people in need (homeless, children, sick or old people)? The advantage of it would be

1- If you lose your job, you still have this other place where you can feel useful
2- It might make you even better at your job training, which will lower the chances for you to get fired
3- You will have less time on your hands to be annoyed by your girlfriend, worried about your other relationships or being nostalgic about smoking
4- You will meet other people like you who find joy in helping others.

Only challenge is find the time and the place.

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Thanks I already do have a back up plan it's just I already paid so much money for this that I don't want to muck it up. I am really loving what I do and its pretty much the only thing I've been finding interesting these past few weeks.

Damn im sorry to hear that man. Sounds like full on depression. I suppose on the bright side you're one of the few people Ive talked to that actually likes their job. Like me, I hate working. I just want to lay about and eat rice crispy treats all day.

Since you find joy in helping people, you will never lose it - There is PLENTY of work for people like you in this world