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Old 01-08-2017
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11 years ago during the summer before I started my freshman year of college. I remember that I was so determined that I was going to overcome my social anxiety and I was going to go to college and make friends. Yeah, what a joke that was HAHAHAH. It didn't happen. I even have a journal that I kept during that summer and during my freshman year of college and it's so freakin' depressing to go back and read it and see how badly I wanted to make friends and how badly I failed.

Here I am now 11 years later at the age of 29 with no friends and no relationship and I just have my dog and cat as my companions. At least I'm used to being alone now though, so I don't care as much about trying to make friends and connecting with people.
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Old 01-08-2017
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I think you've touched on an important point there. When we end up accepting who we as ppl are, we stop trying to please or fit in with others so much.

In effect we become true to ourselves.

This point - more than any other has made me more content within myself. I accept who I am. If you don't like me, then screw you.

I realize this doesn't ease the pain at times, some days I just want to wink out of existence. But at least I no longer have the inner turmoil of trying to be someone I'm not - just to please others.
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Old 01-08-2017
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IMO college is one of the hardest places to make friends. There's so many cliques and groups to try to get into.
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Old 01-08-2017
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It's funny reading this because I'm in pretty much the same position. I joined about 9 years ago if I remember right, during my first year of university. I was also full of hope and expectation and tried really hard to change my life around, make some friends, etc. I even vowed that if things didn't get better when I finished with uni, I would kill myself. Now, I'm more friendless than I've possibly ever been, still not in a relationship and still pining over a girl I once knew many years ago, and I don't even have a job because I'm so unmotivated and living in my parents' attic.

Strangely enough, despite everything I'm definitely happier than I was then, even if I still have a lot of bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. I guess it's true about accepting yourself and not trying to please others to fit in. All my goals and ambitions now are my own and I can honestly say that I don't care what other people think (and possibly even slightly proud of being different - sometimes, anyway).

Wonder how things will be 10 years from now though... might have to brace myself for further massive disappointment... hope not though.
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Old 01-08-2017
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I joined 4 years ago. By then, I was already old enough to know I wasn't going to fit in. I joined mostly, to try to connect with some people and make sense of what I was dealing with. I'm happy to say that reading others' experiences and conversing with some of the good people on here has helped a great deal. It doesn't make me any more sociable but it has made me aware that there are so many out there like me dealing with the same thing. So maybe I'm not so abnormal after all.
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Old 01-10-2017
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I've changed a lot in the 8 years since I joined this forum. Most of that was just in the last 1-4 years. I finally went on my two first dates this past summer. I fell in love for the first time. Got my heart broken. I am currently living in my first apartment. This past summer through October, I had my first roommate.

I am currently trying to navigate life without my mom for the first time ever. I've been without her since August 4, 2016. She died suddenly of a heart attack. I took care of her for 14 years, after she had a stroke when I was 19. She was my life and my heart and I'm lost without her. But I am determined to make my life better and to keep on living because I know that's what she wants.
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Old 01-31-2017

Oh my I feel so old now hahaha.

I started writing my journal thread here since 2008 till 2014. Just reading them again brings back a lot of memories. It recorded major phases of my life. I started writing as a scaredy student who will graduate soon, that time I was still very single, and then I had job trainings, I found a job, I met my husband, I went overseas and finished my journal at the time when I got married.

I can say that I still have SA but I'm in a much better situation than ever before. Back then I was very unsure of my future and myself. I had lot of angst against people around me and my mood fluctuated soooo much. I was more bored and depressed that time.

Now my anxiety is mild to none most of the time. I am in a situation where my anxiety is less triggered. Migrating to a different country also helped because the environment here is much much pleasant than my home country. Another plus is I have a supportive husband.

I think being young with SA is the most vulnerable phase especially during teens. But I believe that as years go by, the anxiety will be less extreme and more manageable.
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