I hate people

Livemylife

Well-known member
I'm beginning to worry about my levels of hatred towards other people. Anyone else have this problem?

The number of people I come across that I actually respect and kinda like, seems to be diminishing as I age. Also the closer I get to people the more likely it seems I'll end up hating them too.

There are a few people here and there that I still like. I like humble people who aren't afraid to admit their flaws, and I like honest people. Intelligence isn't necessarily a dealbreaker; I've known a few simple people who have their heart in the right place, and I like people like that, but generally ignorance and stupidity is something that frustrates me in other people. I've also always kinda liked most of the people on this website, and I'm not just saying that! ;)

But lately it seems like almost everyone I come across I feel an instant dislike for. I just feel like there are so many horrible, selfish, ungrateful, ignorant people out there. There are people at my work who just moan and complain all the time. Then there are people who seem to only ever talk about themselves. Then there are people who always have to cut other people down to feel better about themselves. Then there are those that seem so self-absorbed and arrogant, like they're the centre of the universe, and some are so demanding and seem to have this attitude of entitlement that they wear like a robe. Then you get those angry, ignorant types that are always kicking up a fuss when they haven't done their research. Then there's manipulative people who lie and bullshit you, and there's people that dress like they're something special and.....ergh....the list goes on......

But I guess what I'm really curious about is why I feel this way. I have a strong suspicion the fault is my own. Perhaps I'm a perfectionist with unrealistically high standards, perhaps it's a defence mechanism gone wrong; i.e. I'm just creating more excuses to avoid getting close to people. Or perhaps it's a classic case of projection, that the things I hate in other's are actually the things I'm most guilty of myself but don't want to face up to. I'm not sure how I'd find out.

But if anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear. Maybe we could all share the types of people we all hate! Wouldn't that be a jolly discussion!?

I went through a period where I hated people. I made a post on a different site, something similar to what you posted, listing the ways people are terrible. I asked why I was supposed to like such people. And one of the most shocking responses I got was a version of the above bolded sentence. It blew my mind. This was before I had a better understanding of humans. Now I know for a fact that I do not see myself in other people or "mirror" other people. However, most humans(99%+) do use others as "mirrors." It's part of their social nature. The vast majority of humans are social creatures and use other humans almost like an extension of themselves.

Anyway, I did kind of stop hating people, but only because I decided to stop thinking about them so much. Why should I have all those negative thoughts floating around in my head? Why spend time thinking about some rude person you encountered when you could be thinking about something more positive or even thinking of nothing at all? I still find people annoying. When I encounter such people, I think "wow, what an idiot!" or "man he is annoying!" and then stop thinking about it. I consciously try to shift my thoughts elsewhere. The old me would go back to these negative encounters and dissect them in my head and think about how much I HATED that person. I feel like this might be a trait common in social anxiety. Others with SA might spend too much time remembering an embarrassing moment and hating themselves. Either way, there is nothing to be gained from having your head filled with negativity.

I also want to share another theory I have. I believe that liking people must be a personality trait. By that I mean, for you and me, perhaps liking people is harder for us. It's as if we need a reason to like someone. I've realized that if I wait for someone to impress me, it'll never happen. Others might see someone and take a liking to them because they find them pretty or some other trivial reason. My point is, we don't warm up to people very easily. And in my case, I'm already suspicious of people because of decades of emotional and mental trauma. The way I see it, people have given me very valid reasons to hate them. And as I have elucidated in this paragraph, I have no reason in particular to like them.

I think it's good you are asking yourself these questions. I hope you eventually find an answer.
 

worrywort

Well-known member

Thanks for your response. I must admit, projection seems like the least likely reason to me, because I definitely don't feel like I'm guilty of the things I dislike in others. So if projection is the true cause, then it's beyond my conscious awareness of it. But also, projection can't be true all the time because I hate Hitler and other mass murderers, but I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm in denial over my own mass murdering tendencies! I hate Hitler because I think he's a very evil person. You could argue that we hate people like Hitler so much because we see a potential for evil in him that we also fear is in ourselves so we react as strongly as we do as a way of kinda reminding ourselves that we are strongly opposed to this kind of impulse [if that makes sense]. But that doesn't mean we're actually guilty of following through with the impulse as Hitler did, we just recognise it as wrong and oppose it. So the things we hate in other's aren't necessarily things we're guilty of ourselves, they could just be things we recognise as wrong and oppose.

But I think this is all important because I just sense that other people and all this 'love your neighbour' malarkey are key to finding meaning in life. I just have a sense it's what life is all about. It's really important to me to have the right attitude towards other people. When I was younger I remember feeling proud of the fact that I didn't dislike anybody. I seemed to be able to get along with anyone. Even the weird kids, I could empathise with. I figured we're all trying our best, we all make mistakes, we all come from different environments and have different struggles. What's to hate?! But maybe I didn't really have many strong moral convictions back then, I was very accepting and flexible and post-modern. As I've gotten older I think I'm more aware of the damage that certain behaviours can have on others and I'm more strongly opposed to them now. I have much firmer moral convictions, so maybe that's the reason.

I'm not sure, but I definitely agree with you that there's no point dwelling too long on negative thoughts, we may aswell focus on the positives and keep looking up.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
I don't like or trust people. I hate them. But in a sense, I'm still very caring and compassionate towards humans in total. The conflict with me and people comes from me not knowing how to interact, being misunderstood and often viewed as weird, and dealing with the ups and downs that comes naturally with individuals. I don't have many friends and often prefer not to because of their unpredictable, inconsistent nature. I hate uncertainty. I do have a few trustworthy people in my life but other than that, I rather distance and a quick "hello" with others.
 

planemo

Well-known member
I don't really hate people. I'm usually willing to give them all a chance, but experience has taught me that most people never seem to show me that same type of courtesy. I make enemies very quickly, for some reason. I just have this vibe, which people don't like. They tend to see someone very bad, when all I am is just shy and insecure. I'm not perfect, but people tend to see me in bad light more often than not. That's okay, though. As long as up to the point they showed me they don't like me, I was treating them in cordial manner, then I've fulfilled my end of the bargain.

When people show me they don't need me, I just tell them (in my head) that I don't need them. The thing is I'm really lonely, but if I am viewed by others in a bad light, I'm not gonna let my loneliness make me so desperate to chase people. So I try to make the best out of my isolation.
 

Husgen

Member
I was feeling like that around one year ago. I felt everybody so selfish, arrogant, ignorant... Peoples was making me really sad, not cause they was hurting me by them words to me, but cause i feel sad when i see someone following a wrong road.. It made my life be hard, i was caring so much about it. i was disappointed on many friends and peoples, i was looking defects on all them.But i realized all peoples have defects, its the world where we live. We need be used of it and dont hate peoples. We also need be patient with them , acept some defects of them, by the way, no one can live alone. But dont be silly with them, we need be smart for they dont let them defects efect on us on negatice way. Leave everybody isnt the solution, respect peoples, love them, teach them and be patient about them learning time. They are ignorant peoples, one day they will learn it was a bad thing, just be patient and smart with them
 
Top