I feel so lonely!

Kieken

Member
Hi guys! I'm new to this forum. I'm a girl from London and I've been living in Berlin for the past 6 months. I recently turned 22 and I feel so empty all the time.

I have always been socially anxious and I desperately want to overcome it. I desperately want to be able to interact with people the way that others can.

It's such a contradiction- I feel so lonely yet I hardly ever enjoy being in the company of others.

I've also found that I am unable to feel close to people. I really want to be able to have friends with whom I have a special connection and a genuine friendship but I can't seem to find any.

I've never been very popular, but I do have a few people in my life who for some reason really like me and feel close to me but it isn't reciprocal. I don't know whether it's to do with my anxiety, but I feel like it's impossible for me to feel close to people although I desperately want to.

My flatmate who I've been living with for the past 6 months, really likes me (as a friend) and it pains me to say it but I don't exactly feel the same. I think she's really nice but I don't feel that special connection that you're supposed to feel when you're close with someone. I've always felt like I have to pretend I'm close to people who feel close to me.

The only two people on the planet that I feel totally at ease with are my mum and my brother.

I also feel like the people that I genuinely really like either platonically or in a romantic sense, never seem to like me back.

I've been working at Starbucks for nearly two months now and work within a team of about 30 people and I find it so overwhelming. I really wish I could develop friendships with my colleagues and join in the camaraderie but it's so difficult. I feel like it's so hard to express emotion or excitement or joy.

Sorry this post has been a mess!
 
Last edited:
Hi there,

And I just have to say, I've had that too.
My brother is pretty much the only person I can kind of bond with, since we share similar interests when it comes to computer stuff and gaming.

But other than that, I just don't feel anything towards other people around me, I've worked in many call centers and the only thing that i feel towards them is just that they are annoying and not worth the effort, and its rough.

But working in a more isolated environment helps to makes it easier before moving to a populate space. personally for me, I cant stand having to interact with other people or customers on a daily basis.
But glad you felt you could open up on a forum that you are new to, hope you enjoy and grow in some way while you are here.

Pssshh my text wall is too long, anyways glad to have you here. :D
 

Kieken

Member
Thanks onlyhuman. I have to be honest, I do think I'm the reason that I am unable to feel close to people, because it just doesn't happen for me. I've never had a friendship that I felt was 100 % genuine. But maybe it's also because I don't usually take the initiative to approach and try to befriend people that I genuinely do like.
 

Kieken

Member
Thank you GrandWarrior. Yeah it is difficult working in a job dealing with customers. I'm so overly sensitive and get worried that either the customers of my colleagues will get annoyed at me.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Hi Kieken :)

I can almost hear myself writing this post as I felt the same way some years ago (and depending on the day still do at times).

Most of the time I feel a 'disconnect' with most people. I want to enjoy their company, but rarely do. I have worked hard at trying to improve this situation and to this point have made some good improvements.

At 22, I still feel you have a huge amount to learn about yourself. About who you are. I've learned it's important to not try and fix everything straight away. Take things one day at a time.
The 'up side' of you being young is you have the best years of your life ahead of you and you have time to make changes for the better. Use any help you can get. Anything that works for you.

For me it was health professionals, self help books and me - deciding I was sick and tired of letting SA bully me each day.

I wish you the best, any time you wish for someone to talk to you can PM me if you like :)
 

vinman0025

New member
hie you not alone..l too surfer from it and as a result have lost out on relationships including romantic ones because l knew l wasn't strong enough..l now rely on alcohol for relaxation and courage to face the fears but l'm failing to get a job because of this..l'm a young man aged 25 years and have a diploma and high school certificate which l studied on my own cause of the anxieties..l have a girlfriend now whom l want to marry but l dont know how to do this.my relatives have seen my anxiety and they have all laughed at me and making fun of me..so l dont know what to do hey
 

ana0989

Active member
Hi Kieken, I relate to your words too, it's almost as if I had written this myself! I'm also looking for answers but I want to give you a big hug and encourage you to keep on fighting
 
Top