I feel so alone in this world!!

this is the first time I do anything like this. first time I write about my problem. its very scary. have been shy always and didn't know about social phobia until I was in college. my social issues started the very first time I started school (kindergarden), which to me was the first time I left the protection of my parents and was faced with other humans from the outside world. since then it has been a nightmare and I've lived in fear. my teenage years have been blocked from my mind and buried. my college years were better and somehow I managed to survive but now the real trouble has come when I've had to face the 'real world', the world of adults, the world where you have to defend yourself, make a living and be successful. social anxiety has stopped me from pursuing my dreams. I don't want to say it but deep down I feel like a failure. I had such high goals in my life.... but fear has kept me from achieving them. my first serious job as an engineer was a night mare, I cried every night thinking I had to go to work the next day. I can't have a real job, I can't handle the stress, the challenge.... I'm afraid of everything, of expressing my opinion at the work place, going to meetings, talking on the phone, etc.......
how can you be sucessful and have a bright career when you have social anxiety????????? not to mention the pain of not having real friends. I have never had a best friend. I built a wall around me to protect myself from being hurt and now the wall is so thick other people can't reach me and I can't reach them. I feel so alone.
thank you for reading this. if anyone wants to email me, I would be so happy to have even if its just 'virtual' human contact.....

Hi S

I know where you're coming from and how hard it can be.

So much stress and anxiety and pressure - what to do?

All I can say is you should be your own best friend first
and let yourself recognise and accept this pain in its worst forms.

Then begin to build a way out one step at a time.

Hey styrka...
I know where you're coming from and my best advice is to go easy on yourself at this time.
People with SP can accomplish great things, and the accomplishments are worth DOUBLE than if you didn't have this problem. Whereas other people are fighting their way to the top with confidence in themselves, we are waging wars inside our heads and still functioning. The fact that you are talented enough to get a job as an engineer is a huge success and I think you're very brave to be as far ahead as you are right now. Think of all the hurdles you jumped to get this job: the training, the dreaded interviews...
The stresses of the workplace are unbearable sometimes for those of us fighting mental illness. But you are strong, because you've carried on with this extra burden.
Getting professional help is scary and sometimes painful at the start, but it will aid you greatly. A good therapist can help you to cope.
Good luck!

The worldy side of the world scares the crap out of me cause i just feel so alien to it

If im with nature and close to God and being the best i can be....lifes not so bad

people disappoint me daily

i disappoint myself when i give into worldy crap

the thought of HAVING to work and having to do this and that and whatever scares me

I feel an alien to society but not the world

although i did used to think what the heck am i here for :lol:

Praise God for God and my children and my family

still do :roll:

i feel so not alone everywhere i go there always some nasty people giving me evil looks i dont care what their problem is but its so very unpleasant do they see an antichrist in me ive thought million times to go to them and ask what is that makes them to look at me like at serial killer but i dont have guts to do it oh wel fuck them

thank you all for your replys!!
dzerklis, have you ever read 'the metamorphosis' from Franz Kafka?
I like that book because many times I have felt like the character from that book. many times I've felt like an alien, I"ve wondered if I'm really human because I don't understand humans. many times I think they're evil. many times I hate them.

"I built a wall around me to protect myself from being hurt and now the wall is so thick other people can't reach me and I can't reach them. I feel so alone."

You took the words right out of my mouth.. I feel exactly like that every single day..

styrka,

I know what you mean about having high goals in life and seeing them lost due to social anxiety! Lost dreams? I have a lifetime of them.

People can be cruel, the world can be a cold place; hopefully this forum will turn out to be a warm room full of friends.

You're most definitely not alone,
Snowman