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Old 08-18-2010
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For the past few days I have been wondering why my siblings don't hang out with me. Of course I know it's because I don't hang out with them. They smoke together and I myself quit a few years ago. For some sick reason I have it in my head that it's because they "like" each other. Ew. I have no idea why I thought that. Now this morning I woke up in complete terror that it's true. Ew. I can't even get my head straight right now I'm panicking so bad. But the thought was "omg my brother and sister don't like me, they only care about each other."

Why the *bleep* would I think that!?!?

I admit I have always been a bit envious of my sister...she's thinner than me..and she has more ambition than I do. I feel she's smarter than I am. She can definitely hold her own in an argument whereas I fall to pieces. Ugh. I don't know, but I can't shake it off.

I also admit that I don't exactly make it easy for them to like me. I am having...bodily...problems....I've been...menstruating for five years straight (I rarely stop - sometimes I get a day or two off then it starts again) but due to my anxiety about anyone seeing me "down there" I refuse to get it checked out. Anyway. Because of that problem I become easily irritated. I am quick to get angry. Needless to say I am just not very likable for pretty much of the time. So I know it's my fault they don't want to be around me.

I know I'm not excluded from anything. I could very well hang out with them whenever I want. (They're a couple years younger than me by the way; we're all in our 20s). I just choose not to because I feel inadequate or because they never want to do anything I want to do...or just a number of things.

I feel sick to my stomach that I am actually panicking about this. I know there's a logical explanation - like the one I just mentioned - but in my mind state right now I can barely see it.

I usually talk to my mom or sister about what I am panicking about I really don't think I could tell them this. I think I really need professional help right now. I don't have what it takes financially to see a therapist so I am pretty much stuck with this in my head for god knows how long.

Why do I have to obsess about this? I knew it was going to happen. Every time I heard them laughing and joking around and ugh...I don't know. I wished I was there but I felt like I couldn't be there or something. I don't know. I hate my brain. I feel so unclean. Ugh.

Sorry for the long post I needed to get this off my chest but I still feel sick and panicky. I don't know how to get this out of my head. Every time I think of something else my mind goes back to this. What is wrong with me?!?

My head is swimming with this crap and I am finding it so hard to shake it off. It (my head) feels better when I am typing but I don't want to write a novel lol. I apologize. I am just so disoriented I don't know what to do.

Again...what the *bleep* is wrong with me?!? I feel like a sick freak. :(
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Old 08-18-2010
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You should be calm first. So actually you're problem is that you're quickly irritated because you 'always' got your period ? I would recommend you to go to a doctor, it can never do any bad. Doctors see more people down there, u don't have to worry. Did u talk about this with your brother & sister ? Maybe you just see it wrong and they don't have a problem with you.
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Old 08-18-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ignace View Post
You should be calm first. So actually you're problem is that you're quickly irritated because you 'always' got your period ? I would recommend you to go to a doctor, it can never do any bad. Doctors see more people down there, u don't have to worry. Did u talk about this with your brother & sister ? Maybe you just see it wrong and they don't have a problem with you.
Yes - I do get irritated easily because I am always on my period.

Rationally I know they don't have a problem with me per se - they just get annoyed with me because I am quick to get angry with them.

I haven't talked to them about anything because I know it's all in my head. They don't exclude me from anything - I exclude myself.

They smoke together and I don't and I don't want to be around them because the smell makes me nauseous.

My rational side knows there's no problem but my obsessive irrational side thinks there is.

I am trying to calm down but it's 7 in the morning and I am the only one awake. I have no one to talk to about this. I'm stuck with this in my head without an outlet. I think I am going mad.
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Ok, I see. It's a good thing u don't try to be with them by screwing up your longs by smoking. A lot of people would do that to be with them, which is silly in my opinion. So, if your period would get normal, you get less easy annoyed and it will get u thinking diffirently, am I right ? Periods screw with your head. (I heard ) So maybe when you're period gets over, you think more positive and you would stop exclude you from things. I'm not a pro in periods, probably because I'm a guy, but I still recommend you to go to the doctor. I can't advise you anything else actually.
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Originally Posted by Ignace View Post
Ok, I see. It's a good thing u don't try to be with them by screwing up your longs by smoking. A lot of people would do that to be with them, which is silly in my opinion. So, if your period would get normal, you get less easy annoyed and it will get u thinking diffirently, am I right ? Periods screw with your head. (I heard ) So maybe when you're period gets over, you think more positive and you would stop exclude you from things. I'm not a pro in periods, probably because I'm a guy, but I still recommend you to go to the doctor. I can't advise you anything else actually.
I know I need to see a doctor lol. I get so nervous at that thought that I can't bring myself to do it.

This ocd crap started about the same time I began having menstrual problems so I do think they might go hand in hand. It could just be a coincidence - I don't know.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it. =J
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Old 08-26-2010
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Hey Sickcyclecarousel, I feel your pain, i really do cause i have struggled with obsessive thoughts extremely similar to this. It sounds like you are having trouble trusting your siblings. You know they don't "like" eachother so you can just let that thought go when it starts to play in your mind... I have real trouble with persistent intrusive negative thoughts. I have found that to try to NOt Have the thoughts just compounds the problem. When these thoughts enter my mind, the best thing i can do (although difficult) is just to allow them to happen, not indulge in the thoughts, but also not resist them, but to just let my brain do its thing, and eventually -without any effort, my thoughts change and become more positive... to resist is to persist. Being so mentally active as you are, you probably feel very alone even when you are with your siblings... especially if you are thinking about things that you feel you can not talk to them about. so a very big part of your being - your mental life- is somewhere else while you are with them. I wouldn't want to be around them either if everytime i was, i didn't feel myself. You feel ok while you are typing your thoughts out because you are integrated at that moment, your whole being is syncronized... you are thinking the same thing you are doing, you are in that moment... Therapy with a good therapist is the best option, but if you cant afford it, continue to write, remember to resisit is to persist, and be honest around your siblings about how you are feeling in the moment and that you are somewhere else mentally, cause i think you are seeking their support because you need it and dont want to turn to your parents...
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Oh honey ((hugs))!

Having your period all the time must suck lots!! (It's enough one week!! And the PMS/PMDD before!!)

Please get checked! I flipped out about going to a professional too, but when I did I totally survived. Got a UV scan to check all was well... You can at least just get a UV scan and perhaps say you don't want an actual 'examination'? (Not sure if they can examine you while you have a period?)

It's great that you don't smoke and I admire you for this! (Have a friend who can't stop even though she wants to..)

It's easy to feel excluded from people who smoke, I sometimes felt like that at one of the dorms or in high school.. Maybe just use the CBT/exaggeration, 'Yeah they hate me. They probably want me to leave so they can have my room. They are probably plotting right now how they could get my towels.' Or whatever, just keep exaggerating and possibly use humor. this really helped me a lot. Found it at another forum. And tuna/omega3. Stopped the thoughts and I was happy for a day or so.

What you write makes me believe even more this can be related to hormones and minerals/vitamins (you lose lots with blood loss I guess). What is your nutrition like?
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Old 08-26-2010
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This is how it is in every family. Some family members like some more than others. If you want to get closer with them, then take the action to actually hang out with them. Its that simple. This sounds like a common jealousy/favoritism family thing.
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