I am confused ! My living Nightmare in the narcissists Den.

hunkychunky1

New member
I am a 48 year old man and have just discovered that i am Co Dependant.
caused by being brought up in a family with with guilt shame and secrets as my mother had been made to feel guilty for having my older sister
out of wedlock. She was heavily ostracised by her parents for bringing shame on the family. The effect this has had on me is that i am attracted to others who have problems and who are needy. I married my wife an adopted only child who was very insecure. I gave up my identity to please her and became a workaholic and a people pleaser. I was not getting my own needs met and was giving to her and my employers
in an attempt to recieve approval.Eventually i had a breakdown and my employers bullied, coersed and manipulated me . My boss threatened me by saying he would not give me a reference if i tried to leave the company. I ended up suffering from PTSD for four years. and have not been able to sustain regular work since. I seem to have developed a very
ethical and moral viewpoint. I am an INFJ temperement ( THE PROTECTOR ) My Co Dependancy attracts me to Narcissistic users and abusers. I made friends with a man who offered me a room in his house .
after being friends for a long time ifound out that he was having sex with other women behind his girlfriends back. When he found out i knew he begged me to cover up and cover for him. I went along with what he wanted but felt really guilty as his girlfriend was a very nice person.
He explained to me that people were thier to be used which i thought was a bit ruthless. We have remained friends since but thier has always been
a friction between us. ( i know his secret ). Meanwhile i brought his house .
and took in a lodger who had severe attention seeking problems.
I learned that he had been bullied in the past. He was very controlling,
jealous and would have attention seeking problems when he wasnt the centre of attention. He would have Narcissistic verbal outbursts and had very little confidence. He seemed very jealous of my friends my house
and the attention i got by playing in a local band. He started to criticise my house and started to say things like. "you dont deserve what you have " " i want you to feel like i do " " every time i got near a girl he would throw a tantrum. He then tried to get me out of my own house
eventually when i got rid of him i again had PTSD. It seems that i am attracted to Narcissistic bullying types . My doctor could find nothing wrong with me and refered me to a pshyciatrist who declared me as having Bi Polar disorder. I think he is talking rubbish as i believe that co dependant people are prone to complex post traumatic stress.
This whole episode has caused me severe stress and i know fear that i have developed Stomach Cancer as i have really bad pains.
After reading books on Narcissists , Bullies, Co Dependants, and PTSD
i have realised what has happened. What do i do know !. when i confronted one of them he admitted he needed to look at his poor behaviour the second just denies any knowledge or memory of what happened with me in my house and they have tried to claim that i am mad. This is exactly what a book i have read says will happen ! That i will be made to look as if it is me who has the problem.
I am torn between exposing them . I am not physically scared or them as i believe them to be weak nasty and insecure. TYhey have both bullied me in private and enjoyed the fact that i have raged against them in public which has just added credibility to the fact that it is me who is
the one who is mentally insane.
I have been very angry as this has gone on for a long time and cant help but have feelings of revenge !. I feel that both of these people feel very threatened by me and what i know about them and have been trying to use the mental health card to discredit any thing i might say about them.
One of them has all of a sudden become very submissive after realising i am on to him after raging that he hates me for reading books that have exposed his less than admirable character. I am quite enjoying seeing him grovel as he fears i will tell his long suffering girlfriend who he has emotionally controlled and manipulated in the past. He has become very confused and threatened by me as he has mistakenly thought that i was after his girlfriend .

Do I ?

1. Forget about what they have done to me remembering that it is my Co Dependancy that has facilitated this bullying.
2. Report this incident to the police so as to ensure it stops now !
3. Seek some form of compensation through the courts for psychological damages.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks Hunkychunky1
 

babel

Member
hello,

I think the major step was in being aware of a specific problem that you have ....which is co-dependency. Now that you are aware of this you should try at all costs, persistently, to watch your interactions with others and alter your behaviour patterns.

I don't know if going after revenge would help in the long run...bacause the feelings of anger that you unavoidably feel as you seek revenge can only cause YOU more stress.

SEEKING REVENGE = FEELINGS OF ANGER = STRESS = MORE PTSD

No matter how much you might want to see them in pain..the best way to do that is to stop being emotionally available (and that means showing neither anger or joy at whatever they do. Morons such as they feed on our emotions...the better to handle their own. Just see how beserk they would go if your emotions are no longer available to them...NOT EVEN ANGER...
Hope this helps a little :)
 
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