How to tell someone you have OCD, without embarrassing yourself

MaxineRyder

Active member
When I was a child, before I’d ever heard of the term obsessive compulsive disorder, I didn’t know what to make of my thoughts, other than that they were embarrassing and had to be kept secret at all costs.

Fortunately today, OCD is well recognized, so most people have heard of it. However, without personally experiencing the horror of OCD symptoms, it’s unlikely that others will understand the serious grip that OCD has on a person. This is only made worse if your particular set of symptoms falls in the embarrassing end of the spectrum, like the woman who avoided seeking help for twenty-four years because she was too embarrassed to reveal she thought she had semen on her hands.

To add insult to embarrassment, gathering the courage to describe your OCD symptoms out loud can be a huge anti-climax. Words are insufficient and do little more than trivialize the agonizing vice-like hold that OCD thoughts and compulsions have on your brain.

To quote from A Life Lived Ridiculously:

I just didn’t see how I could possibly explain all this to another person such that they would get it. ‘Hi, doc, I’m here because I don’t like the lampshades in my apartment and I can’t decide where the TV should go.’ ‘I’m a doctor, not an interior designer,’ is the response I would expect. ‘Yeah, but it really bothers me.’ ‘Well, my wife won’t let me take the pool table out of the basement and that really bothers me.’


So here are some ways that you might use to broach the subject of your OCD:

1) Introduce the conversation by talking about some of the many famous people who openly have OCD. David Beckham, Miley Cyrus and Daniel Radcliffe have talked openly about their struggles with the condition.
Well respected historical figures, such as Charles Darwin, Samuel Johnson and Florence Nightinglale, were also thought to have OCD.
This allows you to gage whether your audience knows about OCD and also allows you to get some clues as to whether your audience is likely to be sympathetic or not.

2) Draw people’s attention to the well known TV programs that deal with OCD.
• Detective Monk television series
• Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets.
• Obsessed

3) I read an interesting article / novel about OCD. With so much information online and in bookstores, it’s easy to inform people. Some great memoirs about OCD include:
• Devil in the details by Jennifer Traig
• It’ll be ok: How I kept OCD from ruining my life by Shannon Shy
• Memoirs of a Born Shlepper: Never Give OCD a Third Thought by Rod Fadem
• Rewind, Replay Repeat: A Memoir of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jeff Bell
• A Life Lived Ridiculously by Dr Annabelle R Charbit
Reading a memoir allows your audience to gain a deep insight into what it’s like to live every day with OCD.

4) It happened to a friend of mine. Talk about your symptoms as though they were someone else’s, Then gage the reaction of your audience.

5) If you don’t wish to speak face to face with someone, you may always email links about OCD.

6) Explain to others that OCD is a physical illness, no less so than hypothyroidism or heart disease. Understand that OCD is a biological disorder of the brain and learn the neurological pathways (the OCD circuit). Eg the error centers of the brain are overactive due to a lack of serotonergic activity in the orbitofrontal cortex. Some great resources include:
• Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Jeffery M Schwartz
• Getting Control by Lee Baer
• Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals: The hidden Epidemic of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Ian Osborn

7) Join online forums and support groups, and practice talking about it with other sufferers until talking about it becomes second nature.
• OCD Tribe
• Neurotic Planet
• OCD Action
• Psych and Mental Health
• Support Groups
• Social Phobia World
• Stuck In A Doorway
You may also encounter persons with more moving ways to describe their daily torment, which you can adopt when describing yours.

Will any of these tips make your audience really understand your pain? Probably not. But it will help you to inform others in a way that is easily accessible to them and hopefully not so embarrassing for you.
 
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Zak

Active member
This is very helpful!

To be honest I used to never be very self conscious about anything until my OCD "flare-up" a couple of years ago. It's been extremely hard to talk to my friends about it. It's severely affected my social life. I guess more than anything I'm afraid that my OCD will make them hanging out with me unbearable. But this is definitely a good starting place to rekindle some old relationships... if I can summon up the courage lol.
 

ohheybbyitscorixx

Well-known member
I think I just need to find people who are more understanding. The few people I have told about my OCD looked at me with disgust. The only people who don't care and are supportive are my sister and sometimes boyfriend. This is very helpful in case I feel the need to share that part of my life again. Thanks.
 

Roman Legion

Well-known member
Not trying to take over this thread, I am curious what exactly OCD is.. I know there are many misconceptions about it, but could you explain it for me? I have been called OCD by my family, but I'm not sure if I am..
 

Zak

Active member
Well I'm no psychologist but, from the amount of self help books I have read I think I can give a someone cohesive answer. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder where the individual has obsessive thoughts that may or may not be logical or even tied to reality (but are sometimes very logical or tied to reality) that are so intrusive they cause the person to complete compulsions (i.e. checking, hand washing, restoring order, counting). but sometimes the "compulsions" are merely thinking about the obsession itself (I mostly have just the obsessions, with only some compulsions).

If you like things to be neat, that's not OCD.

If you have to wear a certain sweater outside because you feel like if you don't, someone will be hit by a car. That's OCD.

If it enters your mind occasionally it's usually not considered to be OCD.

If it is the highest priority in your life and takes precedence over everything else.

Or to put if very simply:

Someone with OCD has a VERY bad feeling resulting from an obsession, that may or may not be relieved by completing a compulsion.

(i.e. Every type of animal has diseases. Those diseases will probably kill me. If I was my hands exactly 20 times with soap and water alternating soap and water every 30 seconds, this will prevent me from acquiring those diseases.)

Lol sorry I wasn't trying to be lengthy, hope this helps Roman Legion!

P.S. If anyone has corrections or feels like I've misstated something feel free to correct me
 

Zak

Active member
and also,

to oheybbyitscorixx:

I've never been looked at with disgust per say, mostly they'll just think it's not a big deal or brush me off like I don't have right to have those feelings. Which is pretty frustrating at times. But, my family is EXTREMELY supportive, which is really cool.

I guess mostly people just have a hard time understanding... I get that.

It's really cool you have a supportive sister and boyfriend though, that's awesome!
 

ohheybbyitscorixx

Well-known member
and also,

to oheybbyitscorixx:

I've never been looked at with disgust per say, mostly they'll just think it's not a big deal or brush me off like I don't have right to have those feelings. Which is pretty frustrating at times. But, my family is EXTREMELY supportive, which is really cool.

I guess mostly people just have a hard time understanding... I get that.

It's really cool you have a supportive sister and boyfriend though, that's awesome!

Yes at least I have them. My issue is that my main compulsions are...well, I consider them shameful and disgusting morose than my other compulsions. I pull out my hair everywhere on my body and I pick at my skin to the point it looks like I have some sort of skin disease. When I pull out a hair, I have to brush it against my lips. Also, I do these compulsions not only when I am anxious, but when I am mad, sad, and bored (sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it.) I guess if I had other compulsions, maybe people wouldn't look at it as bad. But those are my main ones, and not the stereotypical checking doorknobs and cleaning the kitchen people think about when they think of OCD. :(
 

Zak

Active member
Yes at least I have them. My issue is that my main compulsions are...well, I consider them shameful and disgusting morose than my other compulsions. I pull out my hair everywhere on my body and I pick at my skin to the point it looks like I have some sort of skin disease. When I pull out a hair, I have to brush it against my lips. Also, I do these compulsions not only when I am anxious, but when I am mad, sad, and bored (sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it.) I guess if I had other compulsions, maybe people wouldn't look at it as bad. But those are my main ones, and not the stereotypical checking doorknobs and cleaning the kitchen people think about when they think of OCD. :(

Ya that's not uncommon at all. I've heard of TONS of different compulsions, from people checking their stove to scrubbing down streets where there has been car accidents to make sure that the battery acid was properly cleaned up. When I had a hand washing compulsion, I somehow managed to transfer that to chewing gum. Which was really hard and took a ton of weird logic planning, but in the end chewing gum was much better than scrubbing my hands raw. I know it seems counter productive but have you tried replacing your compulsions with other ones? Although I guess the downside is that my breath is really minty now and I go through like 2 packs of gum a day lol! Still beats cracking hands...
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Zak hope you don't have dental fillings, my mum said gum can pull'em out?

some good convo & tips about OCD in 1st post, methinks...

David Beckham, Miley Cyrus and Daniel Radcliffe - seriously?? :)
(where is this info from?? :))

in general and for other things too, reading people from Wikipedia has been helpful to me too, or pointing their own similar behaviour hehe...
yeah, Monk is quite known...
 

ohheybbyitscorixx

Well-known member
Ya that's not uncommon at all. I've heard of TONS of different compulsions, from people checking their stove to scrubbing down streets where there has been car accidents to make sure that the battery acid was properly cleaned up. When I had a hand washing compulsion, I somehow managed to transfer that to chewing gum. Which was really hard and took a ton of weird logic planning, but in the end chewing gum was much better than scrubbing my hands raw. I know it seems counter productive but have you tried replacing your compulsions with other ones? Although I guess the downside is that my breath is really minty now and I go through like 2 packs of gum a day lol! Still beats cracking hands...

I have actually tried to convert the compulsions. The only thing that happens is I will start picking my hair or pulling my skin, and then I will do the other one instead. It sucks so bad sometimes it's not even anxiety related. Sometimes, I do list writing when I feel the need. But, that requires me to be in a sitting position, isolated, and secretive. Sometimes it's better to do in public, though, because no one knows what I'm doing. :p
 

Roman Legion

Well-known member
I might be OCD.. I have a hard time tossng stuff of any sedimental value that in reality I know is junk for fear something bad will happen if I do get rid of it.. ::(:
 

Zak

Active member
It's possible, but I wouldn't wish anything like that on anybody. I noticed one of your goals is to learn ASL, that'd be really cool. I was working on some of that with my sister a few weeks ago, and it's a terribly hard and difficult language to learn.
 

Anton45

Active member
I seriously am starting to developing an attitude now where I don't really give a #### whether people want to accept me or not. I mean after suffering for years and years with SA and Intrusive thoughts I am starting to think why should I be embarrased if 'normal' people have no compassion for their fellow man? Seriously ?!
 
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