Old 07-19-2007
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You consider this is research Me is the student

My parents, specially my mum and my older brother gave me very hard time.. I was sure i am stupid. I was beaten almost everyday, i was afraid of my mum. I can't sleep since i 4-5 years old

I still afraid my mum, really.. She knows her mistake and sh ise aware its too late..

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Old 07-19-2007
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With the hand on my heart I can say I had a good childhood.
I got all the food I needed and so on.
My parents got divorced when I was 11, but that's okey. They sometimes used to yell, but except from that nothing bad.
Maybe it has effected me? I really don't know.
I was born with SA, I have always been like that.

And I think that is why I accept it.
It's a part of me, and if I take it away, me wouldn't be me anymore.
Maybe..
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Old 07-19-2007
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I' ve been told "stupid" millions time. I was youngest in the neighborhood, come home beaten again

Perfect condition for social phobia, your friends bigger then you, your mother crazy woman beat you daily, plus your brother.
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Old 07-19-2007
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Yeah I was the youngest of four boys in my family and I used to take some real beatings, but I suffered more emotionally than anything. My brothers were always getting in trouble and it led everyone to look label my entire family as being some group of no-goods or something. My mother threatened to commit suicide numerous times, leaving the house with us worried sick about where she was. All of my brothers are addicted to drugs and alcohol and I'm just a pothead who does nothing except hide from my social phobia all day. I'm even studying at home so I can work at home. Pathetic, but its who I am and how I'm comfortable so deal with it.

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Old 07-19-2007
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I don't think I had a bad childhood... There were bad parts in it...

Like the fact I was bullied all through school. My mum used to threaten to kill herself and would walk out leaving me alone sometimes... There were always quite a few arguments too... (Mostly because I have an older sister with learning difficulties who is very unreasonable.) But, as I would still like to go back to that, rather than live now, I think I can say it wasn't that bad...

And I don't think any of that is the cause of my social phobia, since I've always been like it. (As far as I can remember) I don't know what it's like not to feel shy and scared of people. It's just me, I suppose.
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Old 07-20-2007
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That's horrible aldebe (did i spell that right?). If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you. =]
Everyone that has replied is right. There is something good in everyone, and thus there must be tons of things that are amazing about you. Stick with those things and do not linger on the ones that make imperfections. We're all imperfect...imagine the kind of world we lived in if that was not the truth.
And in regards to the question...mine was medium. Not good but not horrible either.
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Old 07-20-2007
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First of all, aldebe, I'd like to say that I'm sorry that you had a hard time when you are growing up. It is my opinion that a parent's job is to give a child a good solid foundation on which to build their lives, much like it is an engineer's or a builder's job to give a house a good solid foundation so that it doesn't fall down later. It sounds like neither of us have that solid, positive foundation. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child. I was loved, but it was an extremely conditional love. I was worthy of love if I got perfect grades, and always won first place at the cursed talent shows and horse shows I was forced to participate in on a regular basis. If I didn't show complete and absolute humility and obedience, I was beaten by my father. Not just a slap now and then, but beaten about the head so hard I saw stars, and even wet my pants on one memorable occasion. I was also kicked and knocked down, and had the most vile threats and insults hurled at me.

Things like this can damage a person for life. Sure, it's true that as an adult, you are in charge of your own life and your own destiny. But suffering such negative experiences at a young age give you a serious handicap, that is for certain.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aldebe
You consider this is research Me is the student

My parents, specially my mum and my older brother gave me very hard time.. I was sure i am stupid. I was beaten almost everyday, i was afraid of my mum. I can't sleep since i 4-5 years old

I still afraid my mum, really.. She knows her mistake and sh ise aware its too late..

[/img]
hi aldebe..so sorry you went through this as a child..made me really sad to read that. I don't think it's too late for you though. I was bullied also, mostly other kids on the schoolbus, namecalling, throwing stuff at me..but my mom also was a bully..i know how hard that is..now she acts like nothing happened..like i'm the only one that remembers the shit that went on or something :? Anyway, you can carve out a good life for yourself, despite what went on. Just focus on the postive aspects of yourself and run with it..and realize you deserve to be happy and content in this life, just as anyone else does..and if you need to talk, we're here :wink:
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I agree with maggie. Carve out your own life the way that you want to live it, then let all the rest fall into place. Spend a lot of time on making yourself happy, because that's easy to do with even the littlest things. Other people, on the contrary, can sometimes seem to take your good deed or gesture and shove it up your ***, so to speak. If a loved one becomes a regular problem in your life, just tell them how much they're hurting you, and if they don't have the decency to straighten their act up for you, then theyre not worth keeping in your life.


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Old 07-20-2007
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Aldebe,
I am sorry that you were treated so harshly when you deserved to be loved and protected.
My view of my childhood has changed drastically. I used to say that my parents loved me and that we were very very poor and that some bad things happened (dad drank, mom died etc.)
After about 4 years of psychotherapy I realize that I was abused. At first I ignored the psychologists when they told me that because I remember what my life was like and the psychologists weren't even there. But one peice at a time it begins to make sense. My parents allowed my sister to physically and psychologically abuse me because they felt helpless when they tried to stop her and they just gave up trying. In fact, letting her mistreat me meant that she would take out all her agression on me and then their lives were better - so they actually put her 'in charge of me'. Which means my abuser was given the right to mistreat me and they would not help.
I used to be amazed that my mother managed to survive her own childhood given the fact that both her parents hated her. And yet my mother was so often very loving. But now that I am focusing on finding out the truth, setting the record straight, I can see my mother did cause alot of emotional damage that destroyed my self esteem - and she just didn't know any other way to act. She was a wounded person herself and she did her very best.
I realize now that my father did not love her or us, and he was emotionally cruel.
Now this is so drastically different then how I used to feel! Sometimes I wonder which version of my past is right. But as I learn more, I realize that my parents were, at times when it was comfortable for them, loving. And other times, they really believed my feelings and needs were wrong and so they trained me to believe that my feelings and emotional needs did not matter (I was being selfish or weak) or that I was wrong about my own feelings (so they would insist that my feelings were very different than they were). So my whole family kept correcting me, telling me I was wrong about most of what I saw, thought, heard, or said so I really believed I was incredibly stupid and unable to be 'normal'.
To people old enough to be posting on this board - these issues probably seem fairly harmless. I say that because I keep going back over things in my mind and thinking that it doesn't seem that bad. It sounds like they disagreed with me and then I make a big deal out of it. But a young child looks to their parents to teach them about life, how to trust, how to handle their own emotions and how the child should feel about himself. So my parents accidentally taught me not to trust my own feelings, that my feelings are wrong/bad and that my beliefs and feelings make other people sad (cry etc.) and that I am not very loveable unless I make my own thoughts and feelings disappear and focus on how other people (theirs) and make them feel better, that I should be cheerful and grateful even when I am depressed, and that I jsut can't think.
Again this sounds mild, especially compared with more terrible physical abuse we read about in the newspapers but to a young child - this can be like a near death experience. A young child needs much more from parents. This behavior from my parents may be a big reason why my sister has BPD and NPD and it resulted in my having such low self esteem, strong feelings of hopelessness, and SA which I am just now beginning to recover from.
When I tell my psycholgist that my childhood just didn't seem 'that bad' because I wasn't set on fire and locked in a closet, she reminds me that though physical violence is horrific and damaging, it's the meaning behind the violence that hurts the child even more (every scar and bruise is brutal rejection), and therefore verbal abuse and emotional abuse are just as damaging because of the meaning behind the words and deds. Two books that help me begin to see the 'invisible' problems in my childhood were
Boundaries: Where You Begin and I End written by Anne Katherine and
Prisoners of Childhood By Alice Miller
These two books help me see the part of my childhood that seemed pretty good actually was missing things that children need to have to feel secure and have a good self esteem. My family tried to erase parts of my mind and person that made them uncomfortable and they almost suceeded in erasing me completely. The part where I was physically abused was obviously bad for any child but it took me a few years to figure out that my parents let it happen and that when I was young, I believed that the let me be punched and hit because I wasn't worth protecting.
It is possible to heal - I just wish that you weren't hurt in the first place.
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Old 07-23-2007
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almost all the social phobia sufferers have a negative childhood.
In your childhood, there might be a strict and bad-tempered elder around you, he or she might from time to time suppress your wish to make decision yourself freely, he or she might from time to time say to you “No, you are wrong” only because he or she didn’t like your decision.
One inhibition followed by another, you gradually give up your efforts to take initiative because you know it will not work.
What’s more, unconsciously you gradually followed the requirement from that elder, only by which you may gain compliment and approval from him or her. You began to inhibit your own wish just in order to cater for that person. You adapted yourself by being passive and obedient. Therefore, living such a life this way for many years has formed your personality, an inhibited “you”, like that a growing sapling with a thick trunk over it will never become straight but bent. “bent”, “deformed”, “distorted” or “inhibited” is the best description of your current personality.
All in all, personality is formed by environment, good environment leads to good personality while bad environment leads to bad personality.
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Hi Aldebe,

It's sad to hear that you've had such a bad childhood. :(

Mine wasn't so bad, actually. That time was certainly better than current one, generally. But I've probably always had some depressive tendentions.

Cheers to you!
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Old 07-23-2007
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Thanks everyone. Pls remember, don't harm your child, tell him you can do , tell him you are unique


When i started primary school i was not very well but ok. I was always quiet, even i know the answer i was never raise my hand.. So teacher probably noticed that. One day he asked so simple question, like what season comes after summer? I was know there is no such a danger, simply say autumn

I was sitting at the back, i raised my hand half way while everyone else have an itch to answer that. But he pointed me, i told him autumn

Marvelous..! You are weld one..! Applause for this answer..!

That was my triggering moment on my school life..! Serious, i got a lot better after this time.... In the school
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Old 07-27-2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aldebe
Marvelous..! You are weld one..! Applause for this answer..!
I guess that it was to me... Thanks.
But what does "weld" mean? I haven't managed to find it in any dictionary... :?:
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Old 07-27-2007
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Yeah you got me man Well done
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Old 07-28-2007
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OK, never mind.
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Old 07-28-2007
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at childhood i never had money. Always with debts, lack of confidence and people (specially family like uncles and cousins) treating us like garbage.
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I think mine was good, sometimes I think almost idylic in some way. (When I leave aside the school). I was afraid of going to school which changed in about 5th grade, I had some good friends there and good teachers and sometimes I liked it at school better than at home. But the teenage years were hell, I am glad to have it behind although I don´t know how much better it is now. Anyway everything changes and all situations once change even though it seems like there is no way out and you will be stuck in one place forewer.
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I was traumatized severely by my older brother and feared my father, which made my mother shelter me from all types of threats, which contributed greatly to my social-anxiety. Out of 10, I'd give my childhood a 3 or 4.
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