How I Became a Loner

Epistemic

Member
This is essentially a personal reflection or exposition on how I became a loner. I was relatively "normal" with respect to social functioning until about 14. Prior to this, I actually had a substantial amount of friends and would socialize regularly. At about 14, I became increasingly isolated to the point of essentially interacting with no one, outside of simply attending school and doing the requisite academic work. This occurred for the next 4 years, although I did have one close friend.

However, eventually that friendship ended, and thus began a period of four years in which I have spent virtually everyday alone. Even now, I literally have zero friends. I have a high tolerance for being alone, and therefore most days it simply does not bother me. However, I admit that it does get tiresome, especially when you think back of spending years being alone.

Currently I'm living in an area where I don't know anyone, and besides classes, I'm alone constantly. I will either read books, watch netflix, or listen to music. However, doing the same thing over and over again also becomes tiresome, and I just get to the point where I don't see the point in doing anything.

On the plus side, at least I'll be dead soon enough (please note that I am not condoning suicide, or implying that anyone should take that action). I am simply tired of being alive most days.
 

nothingmuch

Active member
Hi, Epistemic. I started becoming a loner around that age too. I was slow to mature, so I've wondered if that was a factor in my case. Or it might have been my personality. I've always been imaginative and that seemed to make me popular as a child and weird as an adult. Or maybe there is another explanation.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
Me three! I started being a loner when I reached high school. I realized how much I've hurted my friends, and decided that they might be better off without me most of the time. I didn't want anyone to get hurt again. I also made some friends of bad influence especially during elementary, so I didn't really knew how to be a good friend.

I also have a high tolerance for being alone. People often mistake me for being lonely when in fact I don't even feel this way most of the time. However, the more I wall myself off, the harder social interaction becomes! I noticed my social skills became worse over time, my senses become dulled, and my movements/reactions to people become slower (than normal?). Just like any other muscle in the body, social muscles must be exercised frequently in order to maitnain their vigor. Unless I'm self sufficient, I can't be a loner forever.
 
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