How do you be friendly and confident at the same time

I have been thinking about this recently. I try to be friendly (more often it comes across as polite because I am too shy to be friendly, but I do try ) but I cant find the right balance between being friendly and confident. It seems that if you want to be confident you have to almost... be selfish and not think about others. I want to be both, friendly AND confident, but I dont want to appear as a jerk, because thats not me, and it would just make me feel bad. But I want to be respected and taken seriously...confidence is also key when it comes to dealing with women too..

So I dont know, what are your thoughts on this? Is it possible to be a confident, while being a nice friendly guy at the same time? If so how....I am eager to hear any tips...cheers!

I think so. Why not? Is possible.

No, not one to be giving advice here. Same situation. Look forward to responses.

It's definitely possible. I think what you're looking to be is charming. I knew a really charming guy who I only talked to maybe 4 times, but he left a really good impression on me. He was sort of soft-spoken but definitely at ease with himself and had a quiet, relaxed sort of confidence. He always had a smile on and gave me all his focus when he talked to me...actually listening to what I said instead of just waiting to speak. He never excluded anyone when in a group, and made an effort to get to know me even though I'm super shy. And I felt like he was really genuine, yanno? I've noticed a lot of people my age are kind of fake or shallow or trying too hard, but I felt like this guy was real and had good intentions. Hope that helped a little!

beals said:

It's definitely possible. I think what you're looking to be is charming. I knew a really charming guy who I only talked to maybe 4 times, but he left a really good impression on me. He was sort of soft-spoken but definitely at ease with himself and had a quiet, relaxed sort of confidence. He always had a smile on and gave me all his focus when he talked to me...actually listening to what I said instead of just waiting to speak. He never excluded anyone when in a group, and made an effort to get to know me even though I'm super shy. And I felt like he was really genuine, yanno? I've noticed a lot of people my age are kind of fake or shallow or trying too hard, but I felt like this guy was real and had good intentions. Hope that helped a little!

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For some reason I am getting Narcissistic in my mind. Every time see charming, think this.

Been reading too much I think.

It's possible.

Charming \Charm"ing\, adjective: Pleasing the mind or senses in a high degree; delighting; fascinating; attractive.

beals said:

Charming \Charm"ing\, adjective: Pleasing the mind or senses in a high degree; delighting; fascinating; attractive.

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Off topic, this guy seem charming?

Charming...it never occurred to me... this cries out for more investigation. I have always had this doubt in my mind that if I try to be confident, I will be up myself and stuck up, and even worse...unapproachable... I dont know, I have always been quite humble and modest. Its a difficult to just get all of the traits and the right level....

Sial Axetder said:

Off topic, this guy seem charming?

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No, but I bet he commands respect from his minions...which is close enough I guess...

ShyKiwi said:

No, but I bet he commands respect from his minions...which is close enough I guess...

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Believe it or not, I used to want to be that. No one could touch me. Like a lot of avoidants - fantasies. Shut them down I now do. Now I've got the movie Dark City in my mind.

Good luck with investigations. Let us know what you find. I am sure you are and will do just fine.

When in doubt you can elgoog it.
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