Old 09-21-2018
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I feel like the captain of a sailing ship out in the middle of nowhere, on the deep, shark infested ocean - in the middle of the 19th Century.
The compass has been accidentally broken, and it is overcast and raining, due to it being the monsoon season, so there is no way to get my bearings.

The crew are depending on me for their survival, so I can't just jump overboard and be done with it.
I have to slowly starve to death, while waiting for the small possibility that the monsoon will pass soon.
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Old 09-21-2018
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I feel like the captain of a sailing ship out in the middle of nowhere, on the deep, shark infested ocean - in the middle of the 19th Century.
The compass has been accidentally broken, and it is overcast and raining, due to it being the monsoon season, so there is no way to get my bearings.

The crew are depending on me for their survival, so I can't just jump overboard and be done with it.
I have to slowly starve to death, while waiting for the small possibility that the monsoon will pass soon.
This post would have fitted in perfectly in my old thread 'How does your depression feel metaphorically'. I love your use of words to describe it.
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Old 09-21-2018
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Originally Posted by Graeme1988 View Post
It is. Might actually do that - in bed by 10pm, get up at 7am - once I get back to my usual routine.



What did you forget to do ?
Oh to go and see if there were any services for me for my sa/anxiety.
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Old 09-21-2018
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I guess I'll just take the silence as a sign you never want to speak to me again. I didn't realize how full your life actually was - perhaps there was never any room for me in it to begin with. I'm mad at myself for pushing too much because you were trying to do it right. We could have been something.
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Old 09-21-2018
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I guess I'll just take the silence as a sign you never want to speak to me again. I didn't realize how full your life actually was - perhaps there was never any room for me in it to begin with. I'm mad at myself for pushing too much because you were trying to do it right. We could have been something.
Silence? How long has it been going on, Sarah? If it's about the guy you've spoken about on here, then I'd just want to make sure that he may be busy with something or going through something before giving up on him.
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Old 09-22-2018
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Silence? How long has it been going on, Sarah? If it's about the guy you've spoken about on here, then I'd just want to make sure that he may be busy with something or going through something before giving up on him.
I agree with DeadmanWalking, you need to do some investigating first.
"Silence" from someone, can mean a multitude of different things, Sarah. Don't give up yet, dear girl!
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Old 09-22-2018
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Deadman Walking and Blue, thank you both very much for responding/the encouragement. You guys are too good for me here - I don't even deserve you.

It's a different guy. We're corresponding online. He is an extremely busy person and I didn't realize just how busy until the other night. I got needy. I wanted more attention and got frustrated. He got mad and said he had to "re-think" things. He hasn't spoken to me since or responded to the message I sent. As much as we clicked and I really like him, if me wanting more attention is going to elicit THAT much of a negative response, then I don't know if he's they type of guy I want in my life anyway. And if you REALLY like someone, you wouldn't just disappear. It sucks, but I guess he wasn't meant to stay in my life.
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Old 09-22-2018
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Deadman Walking and Blue, thank you both very much for responding/the encouragement. You guys are too good for me here - I don't even deserve you.

It's a different guy. We're corresponding online. He is an extremely busy person and I didn't realize just how busy until the other night. I got needy. I wanted more attention and got frustrated. He got mad and said he had to "re-think" things. He hasn't spoken to me since or responded to the message I sent. As much as we clicked and I really like him, if me wanting more attention is going to elicit THAT much of a negative response, then I don't know if he's they type of guy I want in my life anyway. And if you REALLY like someone, you wouldn't just disappear. It sucks, but I guess he wasn't meant to stay in my life.
Ahhh. Sorry to hear that has turned out negative for you, Sarah.
Corresponding online with someone is quite a tricky endeavour.
I have recently lost someone I had been corresponding online for 8 1/2 years. I think he may have been married or living a completely different life than what he told me, because he was so secretive.
Anyway, everyone is different, good luck with anyone else you may correspond with online in the future, Sarah.
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Old 09-22-2018
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Deadman Walking and Blue, thank you both very much for responding/the encouragement. You guys are too good for me here - I don't even deserve you.

It's a different guy. We're corresponding online. He is an extremely busy person and I didn't realize just how busy until the other night. I got needy. I wanted more attention and got frustrated. He got mad and said he had to "re-think" things. He hasn't spoken to me since or responded to the message I sent. As much as we clicked and I really like him, if me wanting more attention is going to elicit THAT much of a negative response, then I don't know if he's they type of guy I want in my life anyway. And if you REALLY like someone, you wouldn't just disappear. It sucks, but I guess he wasn't meant to stay in my life.
Actually, it's that he doesn't deserve you Sarah.


But I do. I came back in time for you, Sarah.
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Old 09-22-2018
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Actually, it's that he doesn't deserve you Sarah.


But I do. I came back in time for you, Sarah.
How did you know my last name was Connor?!
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Old 09-22-2018
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Like I haven't really given myself a proper rest in the last 4 months... as far just relaxing and not having to worry or be responsible for someone else. On the other hand, in that period of time I've done a few things that have been on my buck list. So ah cannae complain too much.
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Old 09-24-2018
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Wondering why it is that am just stuck huvin to listen to these endless BS family arguments which always begins over the dumbest thing, like a f*ckin’ Facebook post! Oh, the joys of social media age, eh? It’s really changed society for the better, hasn’t it?

Ah mean, y’know it’s the best when a Facebook post starts a massive argument that causes the youngest of your older sisters to start acting like a 15 year old spoiled rich kid. And all cuz she (the older sister) misread a post from the oldest sister offering to help her with something.
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Old 09-24-2018
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Wondering why it is that am just stuck huvin to listen to these endless BS family arguments which always begins over the dumbest thing, like a f*ckin’ Facebook post! Oh, the joys of social media age, eh? It’s really changed society for the better, hasn’t it?

Ah mean, y’know it’s the best when a Facebook post starts a massive argument that causes the youngest of your older sisters to start acting like a 15 year old spoiled rich kid. And all cuz she (the older sister) misread a post from the oldest sister offering to help her with something.
Mate I can't stand the social media justice warrior mindset. Everyone's morally offended by everything.

People just need to harden the fk up. Seriously.
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Old 09-24-2018
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Mate I can't stand the social media justice warrior mindset. Everyone's morally offended by everything.

People just need to harden the fk up. Seriously.
I know... that mentality has fuct my generation.

My older sister is easily triggered that’s for sure.

Though dinnae feel the least bit sorry fur me like. Aye, it’s hellish and $h!te to have to just put up with it. And always being the person that my mother and oldest sister vent to does get more than annoying at times.

But, on the other hand, there’s something quite hilarious in witnessing one of your siblings overreacting like she’s not matured beyond her teens and make a big deal of it whenever something goes wrong.
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Old 09-25-2018
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Wondering why it is that am just stuck huvin to listen to these endless BS family arguments which always begins over the dumbest thing, like a f*ckin’ Facebook post! Oh, the joys of social media age, eh? It’s really changed society for the better, hasn’t it?

Ah mean, y’know it’s the best when a Facebook post starts a massive argument that causes the youngest of your older sisters to start acting like a 15 year old spoiled rich kid. And all cuz she (the older sister) misread a post from the oldest sister offering to help her with something.
Communicating online with someone in an online post, always carries a high risk of it being misinterpreted. Your sisters should just understand that and take that into account!
Not being able to see the person's facial expressions, and body language, combined with not being able to hear their tone of voice, how loud or soft they are speaking and any emphasis put on particular words, is like walking across a field filled with buried landmines.
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Old 09-25-2018
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Communicating online with someone in an online post, always carries a high risk of it being misinterpreted. Your sisters should just understand that and take that into account!
Not being able to see the person's facial expressions, and body language, combined with not being able to hear their tone of voice, how loud or soft they are speaking and any emphasis put on particular words, is like walking across a field filled with buried landmines.
True, and I get that. But why vent to me about it? It’s not like ah actually give a f*ck...

The thing that gets me though is, this loud argument was caused by my oldest sister apparently agreeing to babysit for my older sister at some point this week via a Facebook message. And she (the older sister) just assumed that meant both kids would be going to stay with their auntie for the weekend. I’ve only actually heard my oldest sister’s version of what happened explained to me; but it seems that she wrote a post saying she’ll babysit. And our middle sibling didn’t even both to ask for clarification on what was meant by that statement.

Ironic given how often she asks: “Why?”, “Eh?!” or, “Whit d’ye mean?” Whereas our middle sister’s version of events, as I overheard being told to our mother boils down to the following: “No ! She’s a f…ckin’ liar so she is ! Ah f…ckin’ hate when folk dae that !”

Don’t get me wrong both are in the wrong, but I’d say my older sis completely flipping out n’ roaring n’ shouting makes me side more with my oldest sister.
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Old 09-25-2018
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Just got news that my local GP, who went missing last week, committed suicide.
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Old 09-25-2018
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Just got news that my local GP, who went missing last week, committed suicide.
What makes someone with a family and good job take their own life outta nowhere ? I get that we all have our struggles n’ what not. I even struggled with thoughts of suicide 14 years ago, when things weren’t going so well for me. But, you can’t keep up the front and fake smile forever, y’know...?
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Old 09-26-2018
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Just got news that my local GP, who went missing last week, committed suicide.
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What makes someone with a family and good job take their own life outta nowhere ? I get that we all have our struggles n’ what not. I even struggled with thoughts of suicide 14 years ago, when things weren’t going so well for me. But, you can’t keep up the front and fake smile forever, y’know...?
Maybe the man was heavily in debt and was facing filing for bankruptcy.
Maybe the man's marriage was irrevocably damaged and his wife was about to leave him.
Maybe he had been a closet homosexual all his life and could not stand having to hide it anymore.
Maybe he had an affair with a young, local girl, she got pregnant and he could not handle his beloved wife finding out.
Maybe he had just found out that he had a condition that there is no cure for - like terminal cancer or multiple sclerosis - and he could not face the prospect of his beloved family having to watching him slowly deteriorate and die.

It is very sad that men often have difficulty reaching out to others for help, because our society labels men needing emotional help, as being "weak". It is cruel.

Last edited by BlueDays; 09-26-2018 at 12:51 AM.
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Old 09-26-2018
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Maybe the man was heavily in debt and was facing filing for bankruptcy.
Maybe the man's marriage was irrevocably damaged and his wife was about to leave him.
Maybe he had been a closet homosexual all his life and could not stand having to hide it anymore.
Maybe he had an affair with a young, local girl, she got pregnant and he could not handle his beloved wife finding out.
Maybe he had just found out that he had a condition that there is no cure for - like terminal cancer or multiple sclerosis - and he could not face the prospect of his beloved family having to watching him slowly deteriorate and die.
All of those are within the realm of being possible reasons why. Not that I’m speculating as too the reason why...

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It is very sad that men often have difficulty reaching out to others for help, because our society labels men needing emotional help, as being "weak". It is cruel.
Ah agreed with ya on that, Blue. I know for experience just how difficult it is to reach out for help. It’s not easy for the exact reason you mentioned there. Then you’ve also got the added hurdle of being raised to not really talk about yer problems or feelings as openly. Not all, but I’d say most men are raised like that.

At least that’s how it was for me. Every time I’d try to open up, the subject would suddenly be changed to something else by my mother. Or I’d get the dismissive questioning as to what exactly I had to depressed about.

Or even still, if I gave “Depressed” as my matter of fact response to the question: “How ya doing today?” My answer would get a laugh. Because a deadpan, monotone Scottish voice always equals
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