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Old 03-06-2018
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Originally Posted by jinxed View Post
You could ask your doctor, he/she might know
Probably ? My doctor might just fling me back into therapy with the therapist I went to last time. And she just excused my mother's treatment of me, and said just cuz my mother treated me badly, it didn't mean she doesn't love me.
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your therapist might know of any
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hope you feel better soon Molly
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Old 03-06-2018
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jinxed View Post
your therapist might know of any
Aye, they might, but... I'm just gonna let the chaos carrying on. If it's get outta hand like yesterday. Then I've made it clear that I'll be huvin a wee, tense family "therapy session" where I sit in the middle of the living room and tell my mother and older sisters exactly what I think of them. As I'm past the point of caring, and don't give a f*ck if I destroy ma family beyond repair.

I've put up with their BS for nearly 20 years... Enough's enough!
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Old 03-06-2018
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Too much is expected of me - no wonder men have a higher suicide rate than women. F*ckin' hate my life !
Don't know whether I should just suffer the consequences and move out? Even if that means my mother's death will be my fault.
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That's still more than me, I'm still stick to half an hour, at most. Or just checking the live feed of articles via the news app on my laptop.
Yea but like I said I probably miss news because I don't download news apps.

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You like instrumental music then right? What about electronic?

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No, the school was slightly further away when I was living in the more rough part of town, but once I moved closer to the centre of town it was just a couple of streets way from my house. So, not as far away...
Oh I see they didn't give you a bus because you were slightly close.

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Slight annoyed when I get told I don't sound Scottish due my accent not sounding similar to The Simpsons character I use as my avatar here.
You get told that by who? And lol.

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Quickly? No chance ! I'm the only one who resolves drama quickly cuz I'm the one who has to put with it all the time.

And I don't have time to waste asking "Why, why is this happening?", when I'd be able to answer that question myself.

That said, it'd be nice to get some peace n' quiet to be able practice my guitar and recording some music. Can't really do that when there's a lotta noise coming from downstairs.
Well I was just saying that I hope it gets resolved quickly. But I see what you're saying. It's that loud?
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Yea but like I said I probably miss news because I don't download news apps.
Oh, I'm the same when it comes to the news app. I'll check once I turn my laptop on, but other than I don't browse it. Unless I'm bored.

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You like instrumental music then right? What about electronic?
Instrumental stuff mostly. As for electronic music, it's mostly older stuff, like Kraftwerk, Depeche Mode, Gary Numan, Human League, that sorta thing. More recently she got me listen to Yazoo. Basically, whatever my oldest sister listened to as a teenager, all that got recommended to me once I start getting into music. Cuz she's got an almost encylopedic knowledge of electronic music that I only envy. She's kinda my co-producer on some of the music I'm trying to compose.

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Oh I see they didn't give you a bus because you were slightly close.
Yeah. A bus wasn't provided once I got to secondary school, as my disability start getting slightly worse and I could walk to school anymore.

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You get told that by who? And lol.
Aye, laugh it up...I used to get teased about it at school. Cuz my face is completely mismatched with the accent. Oh, and a few folk on here made pointed that out when I post a clip of my voice a few years ago.

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Well I was just saying that I hope it gets resolved quickly. But I see what you're saying. It's that loud?
Uh-huh! Between the 10 month old niece who won't crying, my 3 years old niece who runs about shouting, and shouts to get my attention, as I'm wearing my headphones 99% percent of the time. And the older sister who shouts whenever she starts an argument. Believe you me, it's loud. Not as loud as the last music concert I attended, but loud nonetheless.
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Old 03-07-2018
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no but you should talk to her about this, good luck!
Who? My therapist or my mum?
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Jinxed is right, slowesthand. Try and talk to yer mother about this. Assuming she's nuthin' like my mother, who immediately get defensive when ya attempt question why she says things to ya. Failing that, it might be worth while talking to yer therapist about it?
Well i'm scared to talk to mum about it, as she gets angrily defensive, maybe not so much as your mum graeme, but still significantly. Our family doesn't talk about personal matters - it's just not done, generally. I'd rather talk to my therapist about it, to be on the safe side.
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Sadly, not off the top of my head, no.
What about going to see a family therapist/councellor for the two of you? Or would she refuse to go?
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Tired from yesterday (went to see a flat). Been catching up on sleep yesterday & today. Doesn't take much to tire me out. It's afternoon, had my breakfast, now having a strong coffee to try "get me going" as i'm so tired. I thing change tires me the most, as my mind's worries stresses me out, and the stress tires me out.
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Old 03-07-2018
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Who? My therapist or my mum?
Yer Mum, preferably. But, if ya can't make her see things from your perspective as far as the comments she makes about you being antisocial, chat to yer therapist.
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Who? My therapist or my mum?
i meant your mother but if she's just talking about not to disturb others at a specific inappropriate time then that's fine but if she's telling you not to talk to them all the time then you probably should tell her that you feel anti-social when you she tells you that, but to do so when you're at ease w/ things or when things settle down enough.
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Old 03-07-2018
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Well i'm scared to talk to mum about it, as she gets angrily defensive, maybe not so much as your mum graeme, but still significantly. Our family doesn't talk about personal matters - it's just not done, generally.
Not as much as mine, are ye sure? Cuz my mother used to get passive as f*ck when trying to discuss personal matter. Snapping at me for merely trying to breach a personal topic. Except now, she just break down crying, and says she doesn't want to talk about it. My older sister still think shouting n' behaving like a teenager constitutes a "reasonable argument", then she'll start playing the victim in order gain sympathy.

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I'd rather talk to my therapist about it, to be on the safe side.
Talk to yer therapist would be best, then - especially if ya feel more at ease discussing the matter with him or her.
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Thanks,Mr.Rogers. I feel better now...I mean like...KIND of : /

lol


Seriously though, I havent seen this show since I was like 5. There was a good documentary on PBS last night about Fred Rogers.

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Old 03-09-2018
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Malfunctioning.
The stress levels have now reached a new record. My body is starting to shut down physically as well as mentally.
My last engine is running on the last few drops of fuel.
Just waiting to glide into a tall mountain now.
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I wish i wouldn't feel all sad/needy/desirous concerning women, whenever i go to town (these feelings surface during and after). They are kind of a pain in the as$, as i am never able to do SWEET DIDDLY SQUAT about them & my single situation. For instance, i cannot bring myself to say anything even HINTING of romantic interest, to a young woman i like in town. I just say hello, she smiles at me, she asks me how i am, i ask how she is, etc. I THINK i can sense that she likes me more than just any old customer in her shop, but i am unable to take that idea any further, as i "can't take" any rejection; i'd rather not be rejected & not know the truth about how she feels about me & live in the fantasy land of believing that she "likes" me (but without any real substantive proof of it). I don't want to spoil the fantasy in which i am "special" to her. And i don't want to spoil the "relationship" we have.

I wonder, what if i said to her 'I think you're beautiful'? I don't think she could reject me in any way. But it may give her the "upper hand", as she would then KNOW that i'm romantically attracted to her, and she might be laughing at me in her mind. I wouldn't like that if she was. I would feel something akin to humiliation (& rejection?). I could/would feel rejected, in a passive way, as she wouldn't act on the knowledge that she knows i'm romantically attracted to her (if i am, which i think i am), and that's the same as rejection. Maybe i'd prefer to stay in my fantasy in which she "likes" me as well? (i don't want to destroy that fantasy, as such fantasies hardly ever present themselves to me, so i feel i need to keep hold of them firmly ... as that's the closest thing to having a girlfriend in reality i'm going to ever find, i believe).

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Quote:
Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
I wish i wouldn't feel all sad/needy/desirous concerning women, whenever i go to town (these feelings surface during and after). They are kind of a pain in the as$, as i am never able to do SWEET DIDDLY SQUAT about them & my single situation. For instance, i cannot bring myself to say anything even HINTING of romantic interest, to a young woman i like in town. I just say hello, she smiles at me, she asks me how i am, i ask how she is, etc. I THINK i can sense that she likes me more than just any old customer in her shop, but i am unable to take that idea any further, as i "can't take" any rejection; i'd rather not be rejected & not know the truth about how she feels about me & live in the fantasy land of believing that she "likes" me (but without any real substantive proof of it). I don't want to spoil the fantasy in which i am "special" to her. And i don't want to spoil the "relationship" we have.

I wonder, what if i said to her 'I think you're beautiful'? I don't think she could reject me in any way. But it may give her the "upper hand", as she would then KNOW that i'm romantically attracted to her, and she might be laughing at me in her mind. I wouldn't like that if she was. I would feel something akin to humiliation (& rejection?). I could/would feel rejected, in a passive way, as she wouldn't act on the knowledge that she knows i'm romantically attracted to her (if i am, which i think i am), and that's the same as rejection. Maybe i'd prefer to stay in my fantasy in which she "likes" me as well? (i don't want to destroy that fantasy, as such fantasies hardly ever present themselves to me, so i feel i need to keep hold of them firmly ... as that's the closest thing to having a girlfriend in reality i'm going to ever find, i believe).
Things Ive read about attraction is when your confident and happy in your own situation/life and dont really need anyone- thats when you find people and when you can much more easily push your boundaries with things - ie like approaching the opposite sex.

Thats what Im working on. Get my confidence up, feel the best, open my life up to my interests and then find people into the same stuff I guess. I think I could perhaps oneday find a partner that way you know.

Dont beat yourself up. Its hard for just about most people to approach the opposite sex in a flirty way.
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Old 03-09-2018
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OMG just one half of a vegan chocolate and Im up at 1;30 am..
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Things Ive read about attraction is when your confident and happy in your own situation/life and dont really need anyone- thats when you find people and when you can much more easily push your boundaries with things - ie like approaching the opposite sex.

Thats what Im working on. Get my confidence up, feel the best, open my life up to my interests and then find people into the same stuff I guess. I think I could perhaps oneday find a partner that way you know.

Dont beat yourself up. Its hard for just about most people to approach the opposite sex in a flirty way.
Yeah, i think maybe i'm a tad too desperate (due to never having had a girlfriend in my 45 years!), and so i cannot handle ANY rejection from women. It "GUTS" me. If i were to get rejected, there's NOTHING to fall back on - no women friends or close women contact, which would lead to despair & hopelessness. So i prefer to live in fantasies that women like me, rather than experience the frustration/etc of being rejected (but it is actually frustrating also, that i won't allow myself to approach women .. but it's LESS frustrating/humiliating/etc than being rejected in real life).
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