Old 03-05-2018
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Feelin' surprisingly upbeat and, dare I say... happy this morning. Which, in Scottish terms, means there's something wrong with me.

First time I've actually woke up n' felt like: "Och! Why tha f*ck did ah even bother...?"
Well, that didnae last long.
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Old 03-05-2018
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Are you still moving out to your own place Graeme?
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i don't think so. she said her mother emotionally black-mailed her into not moving out or else she'd commit suicide
I take back what I said, ah think I will move oot. My older sister threatening to hurt her own kids as a means to get my mother to coming running this morning wus the last f*ckin' straw. Don't give a f*ck if my Mum drops dead the moment I pack my stuff, or when walk oot the front door for the last time, and ah mean that. Ah've f*ckin' hud enuff !!
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Old 03-05-2018
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Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
It's hard to put a name to this, whatever this is.
Mum's regular reminding me that i'm antisocial (eg 'don't disturb them', 'don't go in', 'let (neice) do her hair' (ie don't talk to her about it)). It keeps me having low self-confidence with people & feeling inferior due to being antisociable. Rather than teaching me how to treat people with subtlety, it just affirms negative traits in me & keeps me believing i have very limited subtle social skills, which everyone else around me has. I haven't even told a therapist about this behaviour by mum, maybe cause i've always thought that it's not a major issue, doesn't happen that often, and it's hard to put into words.
Can anyone relate to this?
no but you should talk to her about this, good luck!
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Old 03-05-2018
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
It's hard to put a name to this, whatever this is.
Mum's regular reminding me that i'm antisocial (eg 'don't disturb them', 'don't go in', 'let (neice) do her hair' (ie don't talk to her about it)). It keeps me having low self-confidence with people & feeling inferior due to being antisociable. Rather than teaching me how to treat people with subtlety, it just affirms negative traits in me & keeps me believing i have very limited subtle social skills, which everyone else around me has. I haven't even told a therapist about this behaviour by mum, maybe cause i've always thought that it's not a major issue, doesn't happen that often, and it's hard to put into words.
Can anyone relate to this?
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Originally Posted by jinxed View Post
no but you should talk to her about this, good luck!
Jinxed is right, slowesthand. Try and talk to yer mother about this. Assuming she's nuthin' like my mother, who immediately get defensive when ya attempt question why she says things to ya. Failing that, it might be worth while talking to yer therapist about it?
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Old 03-05-2018
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I just want to get dirty, I want life all over me.
*Throws giant life ball at FountainandFairfax, hits him square on the chest*
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*Dives behind snowbank*
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Old 03-05-2018
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Things just keep getting worse. Happy moments are so f*ckin' brief for me, they're barely worth even acknowledging.

Between that n' the rest o' the family, ah think I'm kill myself afore this years done. Cuz, well... given the utter $h!te I'm having to tolerate, why not?
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Old 03-05-2018
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I'm glad the weather is starting to warm up, enough at least that I should be able to run outside next week I hope. I could really use the fresh air and sunlight, being cooped up inside all winter has taken it's toll (again).
I'm glad the weathers starting to cool down here lol..
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Old 03-05-2018
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Got outta the house for the first time in so many days. Still didn't get away from my f*ckin' problem, sadly.

And tonight I was left with the task of having to console my mother after my 2 older sisters had a massive argument over the fact that our mother is expect to run every time our older sister phones her.

D'ye know what a heartbreak sight it is to see yer ain mother sobbing uncontrollably, and you have to just sit there hold back yer own tears, cuz you'll starting bawling with temper, as ye question why in tha f*ck she, and by extention you, continue to tolerate be verbally by a f*ckin' blood relative?
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Old 03-06-2018
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Happy divorce day - the day I can withdraw from the people who make me miserable, and enjoy solitude save for those who matter to me.
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Old 03-06-2018
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Happy divorce day - the day I can withdraw from the people who make me miserable, and enjoy solitude save for those who matter to me.
good goal there! healthy goal!
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anxiety is super awful lately. What a sh$t existence to have to feel so stressed constantly.
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Old 03-06-2018
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what do you think is causing it Molly?
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what do you think is causing it Molly?
I have had anxiety all my life. Lately it's been a lot worse bc of a lot of other things making it worse. It has to break soon. I just don't function well at all when it's this bad.
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Old 03-06-2018
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Barely slept last night... Sick of the constant family drama. Tired being stuck in the f*ckin' of it, yet I'm forced to be as miserable as tha f*ckin' rest of them.
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Barely slept last night... Sick of the constant family drama. Tired being stuck in the f*ckin' of it, yet I'm forced to be as miserable as tha f*ckin' rest of them.
if you really can't take it anymore i still think you should move out, perhaps near your house so your mother will feel better, i don't know. i believe your mother will get used to it and especially since she doesn't listen to you no matter how you tell her, you can't suffer for the rest of your life or have a lack of sleep b/c of this, you can still go over and take care of her like offer her a drink of sth and talk a little? idk
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Old 03-06-2018
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if you really can't take it anymore i still think you should move out, perhaps near your house so your mother will feel better, i don't know. i believe your mother will get used to it and especially since she doesn't listen to you no matter how you tell her, you can't suffer for the rest of your life or have a lack of sleep b/c of this, you can still go over and take care of her like offer her a drink of sth and talk a little? idk
Oh, I'm not exaggerating when I say I can't take it anymore. Things are back to how they were 17 years ago, only way worse... but we're all supposed to pretend my older sister's stressed cuz she's left raising 2 kids. When the truth is, she lacks the maturity to raise 'em, because she still acts like a teenager.

If I do move out, I'll need to do without my mother knowing that what I intend to do. Cuz she's said again that she'd end herself last night when I expressed how I felt about the whole situation, currently. How miserable I am.
And she doesn't care... It's all about her, I'm just an afterthought.

Last edited by Graeme1988; 03-06-2018 at 09:54 AM.
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Oh, I'm not exaggerating when I say I can't take it anymore. Things are back to how they were 17 years ago, only way worse... but we're all supposed to pretend my older sister's stressed cuz she's left raising 2 kids. When the truth is, she lacks the maturity to raise 'em, because she still acts like a teenager.

If I do move out, I'll need to do without my mother knowing that what I intend to do. Cuz she's said again that she'd end herself last night when I expressed how I felt about the whole situation, currently. How miserable I am.
And she doesn't care... It's all about her, I'm just an afterthought.
I'm sure there are helpful support programs that help in these situations even if they can come to the house and have a talk? Do you know of any?
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I'm sure there are helpful support programs that help in these situations even if they can come to the house and have a talk? Do you know of any?
Sadly, not off the top of my head, no.
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You could ask your doctor, he/she might know
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You could ask your doctor, he/she might know
Probably ? My doctor might just fling me back into therapy with the therapist I went to last time. And she just excused my mother's treatment of me, and said just cuz my mother treated me badly, it didn't mean she doesn't love me.
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