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Old 11-19-2017
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AtTheGates and PugofCrydee, can you guys just block each other
I'll just ignore. I've never blocked before and I wont start now.

"the bickering is becoming tedious."

At least we are putting something up to read - even if it is a disagreement of sorts.. it's been a little slow here lately..

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Old 11-19-2017
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Ah dinnae see the point of anything anymore. My life seems pointless, my family sure as f*ck don't respect me. Never have. But then I've spent the past 15 years questioning whether my mother and sisters know how to respect men or people in general. Cuz they sure hate being called on their entitled attitude, but huv no issue telling me I'm worthless.

But anyway, I've got my name down for a place of my own. Just need to wait for my local council to get back to me when they find a place that meets my required accessiblity needs. Wish this year was ending on a better note for me - I should've done that sooner, moving out.
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Old 11-19-2017
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My brother sent me adocumentary on youtube a few days ago called "Cyberjihad" . Very interesting documentary.

.

reminded me of this: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-s...-idUSKBN17Z1KS

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Old 11-19-2017
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I just feel anger, frustration and sadness all the time. There was a time where moments of clarity and calmness, although rare, happened. How did I go from being a calm and collected person to feeling so much rage. I mean the depression and anxiety were always there but now they won't leave me along at all and on top of that there is this rage that won't go away. This is exactly the opposite of who I really am but my mind is just f*cking with me in new ways now I guess.
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Old 11-20-2017
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I just feel anger, frustration and sadness all the time. There was a time where moments of clarity and calmness, although rare, happened. How did I go from being a calm and collected person to feeling so much rage. I mean the depression and anxiety were always there but now they won't leave me along at all and on top of that there is this rage that won't go away. This is exactly the opposite of who I really am but my mind is just f*cking with me in new ways now I guess.
if you can deal with your anger, frustration and sadness with a counselor then it can take away the rage that you have now, unless you've tried counseling and it didn't work for you, good luck!

Last edited by lily; 11-20-2017 at 02:04 AM.
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Old 11-20-2017
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I'm not sure what God has in mind for me of what I should do right now in my situation and something else. And I hate being bored and lonely for hours in a day without a healthy social outlet with others.
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Old 11-20-2017
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I would like a relationship with someone who has true love and care for others, not those fake people and to love and to hold. *hugs to you in my dreams* lol
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Old 11-20-2017
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Anxious, but them to be how I am naturally. Dreading the backlash I'm gonnae get upon me telling my mother that I'm moving oot. Cuz ah know the guilt-trip's coming like... that's all the wimmin in my immediate family know to do. Make me feel bad for my own decision. Yet they tell me I'm "the sensible one"?
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Old 11-20-2017
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Anxious, but them to be how I am naturally. Dreading the backlash I'm gonnae get upon me telling my mother that I'm moving oot. Cuz ah know the guilt-trip's coming like... that's all the wimmin in my immediate family know to do. Make me feel bad for my own decision. Yet they tell me I'm "the sensible one"?
Why tell them at all, Graeme?
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Old 11-20-2017
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Why tell them at all, Graeme?
Cuz they're nosy bitches who huv to know everything that's going on, otherwise they feel outta the loop. "How come ye didnae tell me?!"

Case in point, the other day my mother and older sister bolt upstairs to my room asking me to order a Christmas present for my niece, asking if I've got an Amazon Prime account in process. And they were shocked and dumbfounded to learn that I've had that account long before Amazon Prime got into streaming TV shows and movies, as it started out as a free delivery service.
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Old 11-21-2017
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Cuz they're nosy bitches who huv to know everything that's going on, otherwise they feel outta the loop. "How come ye didnae tell me?!"

Case in point, the other day my mother and older sister bolt upstairs to my room asking me to order a Christmas present for my niece, asking if I've got an Amazon Prime account in process. And they were shocked and dumbfounded to learn that I've had that account long before Amazon Prime got into streaming TV shows and movies, as it started out as a free delivery service.
That just means they deserve to know even less!

They've gotten their pound of flesh from you, let them dangle a little... they'll get the message when you start packing, ha ha.
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Old 11-21-2017
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Boreed!!!!!!
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Old 11-21-2017
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Just coming to terms with the fact that, for all I do for them, my family never gives me a break. I'm always called upon to do something for them. Whether that something computer related, reminding them to do something that is solely their responsibility because my memory is supposedly better than either my mother's or my older sisters. Which is utter pish... D'y'know what it like, huvin a brain that's constantly "on" ? To never truly be allowed to take yer mind off things, or care for yerself cuz you're family believes they come before you as far who takes priority in yer life?

Always gotta keep 'em, otherwise they take umbrage and start telling I'm being selfish.
Well, better being that than a narcissist, needy, obnoxious twat-bubble who can't handle being told "No" or being alone.
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Old 11-22-2017
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Ah think I've lost all sympathy for my mother... All she does is complain about her problems.
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Old 11-22-2017
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Why? Because my older sister is very immature and can't handle ever being wrong. And she thinks yelling and shouting means her point of view is more valid cuz she's upset. Why did I feel like taking my own life? Well, when you've been silently put up with her family forever arguing about things that don't justify such an overreact and you try to be the voice of reason in that situation, would you not feel like killing yerself? Especially if those were the kind of people you were around all the time.

And the schizo remark... I just meant that the women in my immediate family seems to have a schizophrenic attitude when it comes to me. Either they're grateful for everything I do for them, or I'm a selfish, inconsiderate [email protected]$%@rd cuz I refused to do something for them or agree with their opinions. Please don't ask why that is, I don't have an answer for you regarding that.
Oh. So you wanted to end your life because you have frustration from all those years of trying to be the voice of reason?

Oh, wow that is opposite ends of each other.

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Aye, it is. But part of me feels that her concern for me is 15 years to late. I mean I'm glad she finally not dismissive of my perspective outright, but had she actually listened to me all those years ago instead of living in denial, things might not be how they are now with my older sister still throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way.
At least she turned around, that's good.


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Oh, the radical 3rd wave feminist is normally stereotyped as a woman who hates men, believe she is better than them, and thus doesn't need a man in her life. A view I frequently heard from my mother during my formative years. And something I still resent her for due to the contradictory message of "All men are useless, except you son"
Oh, that's messed up that your mother had that view during your formative years.

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And be sure ya want children. No point having them if you don't have the maturity or coping skills to raise them.
Yea.

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Mainly because I'm not like them. Don't feel as intelligent. And feel like an outsider a lot of the times due to my disability.
I feel inferior to some people mainly because I'm not caught up on things, they do things I would like to do, and do things they are not supposed to be doing. And I guess you could say I'm not like them.


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Pretty much. There wasn't really that connection or desire to get to know each other.
I figured that.


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Obvious. But easier said than done when the response I get is a childish: "You're always picking on me!"
Maybe you could word it in a different way.

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Not really. I doubt we would have much in common, having been raised very differently. My siblings on my dad's side of the family had a more middle class and posh upbring compared me, whereas I grew up on a rough council estate.
Oh. What is posh and a rough council estate?

Btw I responded back on the chat.
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Old 11-23-2017
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There is an owl hooting outside my bedroom. I feel 'Harry Potterish'.
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Old 11-23-2017
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Oh. So you wanted to end your life because you have frustration from all those years of trying to be the voice of reason?
Honestly? Yeah... I'm fed-up making the same points and being proven right every time. I mean, a few months ago there back in August, my older sister was dumbfounded at me daring to ask if anyone in my family could settle their disagreements like mature adults.

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At least she turned around, that's good.
Yeah, but it's too late to get our relationship back to how it was. Mainly because my mother would rather being negative, make excuses and feel sorry for herself. And I only have so much tolerance and sympathy for people like that.

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Oh, that's messed up that your mother had that view during your formative years.
Sadly she still holds that same hateful view on men, 15 years later. But refuses to see the link between my self-esteem issues, and curious lack of girlfriends, and her contradictory, hypocritical views on men.
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Old 11-23-2017
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I feel inferior to some people mainly because I'm not caught up on things, they do things I would like to do, and do things they are not supposed to be doing. And I guess you could say I'm not like them.
I can definitely relate there.

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Oh. What is posh and a rough council estate?
Just an area where all the houses are built and maintained by the local council. A rough council estate tends to be run-down.There isn't really such a thing as a posh council estate. Since the posh f*ckers in my area tend to be from the more rural countryside.

Whereas a rough council estate, where I'm from, tends to look like this:


^ Not exactly the best place to grow-up.

The rough estates huv a lotta junkies, dysfunctional families and general anti-social behaviour. Ya don't get any o' that if ye live in the countryside. Whereas on a rough council estate, there's a good chance one of yer relatives has been in trouble with the police, and their court appearance got a small write-up in the local newspaper.

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Btw I responded back on the chat.
I tried to respond to your last message on the chat, but my reply wouldn't send.
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Old 11-23-2017
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posh f*ckers in my area tend to be from the more rural countryside.


Is this what a posh ****er looks like?
(Sorry, I really can't help myself )
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Old 11-23-2017
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Is this what a posh ****er looks like?
(Sorry, I really can't help myself )
Eh, with that haircut? Aye... Wait! You said looks like, right? Cuz David Beckham only married Posh.

Last edited by Graeme1988; 11-23-2017 at 07:34 PM.
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