How are you feeling?

Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
One day- solitude. One day I will do a Henry David Thoteau, and withdraw into solitude. Not for two years like Thoreau did in Walben, but for the rest of my life.

The day I can divorce myself from the unwanted strangers in my life will be delicious.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah... Ah cannae pit up with this much longer. Am sure I'm gan tae be sectioned under the Mental Health Act afore this year ends. It's quite... No, it's deeply troubling being fully aware of level of physically harm I could inflict upon another person were I to just snap and allow my temper to get the better of me. :kickingmyself: :bat:

Doesnae exactly help that I'm surrounded by a family who stupidly try n' provoke me to that exact sort of violent reaction "...fur a laugh". :veryangry: Nevermind if an incident during my final year of primary school is pretty much etched in my mind. ::(:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Okay, I'm seriously worried I'm about to lose my Mum. I'm concerned she's gonnae take her own life. :sad: Earlier this evening she snapped at me that: "Naebuddy helps her, but she used tae it!" Not even my quietly telling her that I help her when asked was enough to make her acknowledge that her statement wus incorrect. ::(: I'm still lump in the older sisters, who treat Mum like crap. :thumbdown: I mean I'm guilty of doing the same but at least I huv the decency to admit I should've huv react as I did and apologise. My Mum's never got that from either of her daughters.

Not that I'm, by any means, the good son...

Then, just an hour ago, as I told her I'd off to bed once I finish up reinstalling one last program on my eldest sister's boyfriend's laptop, outta the blue my mother goes:

"Ah cannae wait I'm deid! Y'know that? At least then, ah'll no huv anyone nagging at me aw the time, I'll be at peace. Ah know how you feel when ye say you feel like killin' yerself" :crying:​
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
When will things finally turn around for the better? When? Or am I asking for too much? I have been working on myself for years and I am doing all the right things but it just never gets any better or easier. It really would have been great if I was never born.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
When will things finally turn around for the better? When? Or am I asking for too much?
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I've been asking myself those same questions, lately. Sadly I'm not hopeful things will change for the better. :sad:

defiance said:
I have been working on myself for years and I am doing all the right things but it just never gets any better or easier.
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I've tried as well, but, it never seems to be good enough.

defiance said:
It really would have been great if I was never born.
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Same here. I often wonder why I didn't die at birth, as the doctors expected me to...
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
AtTheGates said:
I hate it when when people do something, take no accountability for it , but then call out someone else for doing the SAME exact thing they did. Iv seen that so many times.
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My mother had an infuriating habit of being like that when I was younger, now my older sister fits that description. :thumbdown:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
theslowesthand said:
I haven't grown up to be a normal happy personable confident man, so at least something's gone seriously wrong there. :sad:
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Me neither. :sad:

But hey, when yer raised by and grew up around dysfunctional, manipulative, abusive people being personable and confident isn't exactly look upon to fondly. ::(:
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
theslowesthand said:
I feel like i've been universally rejected by all women. :crying:
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Ah man, you worded this so well! I can totally relate to this feeling! It really cuts to the core of me, this feeling that there must be something fundamentally unlovable about me for me to have been single my whole life.

It's a battle I often lose in my brain, because, when I think honestly about it, I really don't think it's true, and yet the feeling is so hard to shake sometimes. I think in truth I'm sure I'm perfectly lovable, with just as much to offer as the next guy, and the main reason I've never had a girlfriend is because I don't socialize much and I've gone my own way in life so I'm a bit unusual in some respects. So I think it's just gonna be a bit harder for me to find someone who genuinely loves me, but I'm sure it's possible, and I think that's the important thing. To never stop believing in your innate lovability. Someone out there loves you. Whether you manage to find them or not is a bonus.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Numb. Detached. Bored. Miserable. Stressed out. Tense. Suicidal. :sad:

I don't know. :idontknow: Ah don't see the point in living anymore if I'm constantly going to have justify everything I say n' do to my temperamental bitch of a sister and rest o' my family. :kickingmyself: Can't even tell the days apart, lately. Cuz it's just been the same thing day in, day oot... :thumbdown:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysFxrPNjvNA
 
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