How are you feeling?

cappatown420

cappatown420

Well-known member
Bummed out that I ****ed up on my med refills. Was hoping to be back on all my meds in time for my new job but ran out of my mental health meds.. the ER gave me 7 pills so I have 6 days to find and schedule a new appointment with a new provider.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Got outside for a walk today, for the first time in ages. Felt great, went to my local park. Good to get some peace n' quiet. I feel like I'm slowly going insane, having to listen to my middle sister yell whenever something does go her way. :kickingmyself:
I thought having kids is supposed to change yer perspective on life? :question:
 
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theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
FINALLY the noisy mother-f*cker tractor has stopped working for the day. I mean, come on, it's been dark for an hour now. It's been going for most of the day. A few hours of heavy machinery noise does certainly grind on your nerves. But it's usually after it stops that you realize how pissed/stressed/etc you are, from the constant bass noise.
I went out in the slight rain, and i called out 'you should keep going, it's not midnight yet!' & laughed. Dodgy fella. Saw him before drinking on the job, & prob looking at porn on his phone, as the tractor idled away for at least 10-15 minutes.
Listening to some hard-core metal now (Vektor), and drinking.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
F*cked in probably an "emotional" way. But also an aggressive way. So am now listening to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, by the Smashing Pumpkins. Not much music has worked tonight. :sad:
That didn't last long, probably too aggressive.
Now listening to sth more mellow - Michael McDonald & The Doobie Brothers.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
If my Mum and I are stuck in a rut, as my middle sister so claims, has she ever considered why? :question:

And that it might not be due to me doing "f*ck all" :thumbdown: I'm not the one lying on my fat arse, watching the telly and bemoaning how my life is boring, or how I want to run, but I'm oh so afraid of change. Nor am I the person buying food that could f*ckin feed the while of Africa for a year, then just banging it in the kitchen cupboards only to be forgotten about until it's well outta date. :kickingmyself:

No, I sitting in a room by myself, reading a book, listening to music, and drinking to try maintain whatever is left of my sanity, while trying forget the people I'm related to.
 
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AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
I was supposed to write a short 300 word essay about the war on drugs during the Reagan Administration but I accidentally wrote 2,000 words ....I hate when that happens. lol


I mostly blame the coffee...
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Just struggling thru the night, that's all i'm trying to do. Music hasn't been working, mood's a bit f*cked up. Now playing led zeppelin, which thankfully seems to be working.

It's "funny" how quite often, i only realize it's been a bad day, until later, at night.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Don't know whether to cut my family outta ma life once things are done, or just skip that task n' get sectioned under the mental health act? :question: :idontknow: Not even saying any of that as a joke, either. That's how far gone I am. :sad:
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I fear talking to people. I fear this as much as a fear of heights, of deep water. I am losing my confidence of speaking to people at all.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
jinxed said:
Calm, that's what I need.
Click to expand...

Same here. But I think I'll have to move outta the family home before I achieve that. The constant arguments are doing my head in, then when I try to be the voice of reason, I'm accused of being a bully. :kickingmyself:

Kiwong said:
I fear talking to people. I fear this as much as a fear of heights, of deep water. I am losing my confidence of speaking to people at all.
Click to expand...

I fear to talking to my family, as they're prone to violent overreactions whenever I try to speak to them. So, I just don't bother. Then they wonder why I don't like being around them - idiots! :eek:h: :eek:mg: But I've never really had much confidence when it comes to talking to people, generally. My family are probably a contributing factor in that? :question:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
jinxed said:
I'm very sorry to hear that Graeme1988, if you'll feel better moving out then I think you should and then you can listen to relaxing music. I don't really know your situation but don't let anyone cause you to think you're a bully and there are people who won't have those violent reactions so you can talk to those people.
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My situation, well, I'm disabled, youngest of the family on my Mum's side. Raised by an angry, controlling bitter, verbally, emotionally, and one-time, physically abusive mother. I was 18 at the time of that incident.Raised with 2 older sisters. All of whom are man-hating feminists. My mother going as far to tell me that she "...doesn't need men in her life" :confused:

I've pretty much spent most of my life being the scapegoat. The one who is blamed, even though I didn't do anything wrong. :sad:

I already listen to relaxing music, and read a lot, to keep my family from pestering me. Though, I find blast heavy metal or electronic music that mostly just noise or has repetitive drone to it, usually keep them from entering my bedroom.

Don't feel sorry for me, though. I've stood up to them and called them out for their past behaviour. But they feel they have nothing to apologise for, so I've decided to move out, hopefully by early next year if I can find a suitable place that has disabled access.

Not going to tolerate people who think they can demand respect from me without show me the same. :thumbdown:
I'm done with that. Besides, respect isn't something you can demand, you have to earn that.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm expected to do everything my family asks of me, yet they do nothing for me in return. They can't even keep their word when they say they'll do something for me. :sad: But I'm supposed "...trust no-one except family".
Aye, that's a great bloody motto, Mum! :kickingmyself:

Ah wonder why ah turned into the most anti-social person in my family? In the sense of not being a people person, I don't mean going out and vandalising and stuff like that :question: :thumbdown:
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
With me it's been one f*ck up after another these last 2 weeks. I mean everyday for the last 2 weeks. It has put such a heavy toll my me physically and mentally that I cannot take it anymore. I don't want to live anymore. I DON'T WANT TO F*CKING LIVE ANYMORE. ALWAYS FORCED TO ENDURE........AND FOR WHAT? TO SEE ANOTHER DAY THAT IS ONLY FULL OF SHIT? HOPING THE NEXT DAY WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST? NO I AM TIRED OF WAITING...........TIRED IS PROBABLY AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO A TOMORROW BECAUSE TOMORROW PROMISES THE SHIT FROM YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE. I am just so tired man.........I want it to stop and it won't.:crying::crying::kickingmyself:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
With me it's been one f*ck up after another these last 2 weeks. I mean everyday for the last 2 weeks. It has put such a heavy toll my me physically and mentally that I cannot take it anymore. I don't want to live anymore. I DON'T WANT TO F*CKING LIVE ANYMORE. ALWAYS FORCED TO ENDURE........AND FOR WHAT? TO SEE ANOTHER DAY THAT IS ONLY FULL OF SHIT? HOPING THE NEXT DAY WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST? NO I AM TIRED OF WAITING...........TIRED IS PROBABLY AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO A TOMORROW BECAUSE TOMORROW PROMISES THE SHIT FROM YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE. I am just so tired man.........I want it to stop and it won't.:crying::crying::kickingmyself:
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I empathise with you a great deal, defiance.

Except, in my case, I've had to listen to constant family arguments for the past 2 months. And I'm at the point, now, where death would be the best peace and quiet for me.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
I empathise with you a great deal, defiance.

Except, in my case, I've had to listen to constant family arguments for the past 2 months. And I'm at the point, now, where death would be the best peace and quiet for me.
Click to expand...

Yeah man it F*CKING sucks. Curse the day I was born.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
defiance said:
With me it's been one f*ck up after another these last 2 weeks. I mean everyday for the last 2 weeks. It has put such a heavy toll my me physically and mentally that I cannot take it anymore
Click to expand...

Maybe you could write here some of the specific things that happen to you? Just a thought...
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Bored out of my fuucking mind. Oh well, must be time for music & grog.

Listening to Metallica - Hardwired To Self Destruct - one of my least favorite of their albums. Only listened to it once before today. That's how fuucked i am right now. I'm shit-outta-luck fuucked.
 
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