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Old 1 Day Ago
defiance's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GraybeardGhost View Post
It's raining outside. I can hear the soft patter through my open window: millions of droplets striking millions of leaves, an occasion bird call slipping through the steady hum. The blinds are up, but what little daylight filters through the clouds barely illuminates my little room.

I'm all alone in the dark and feeling suicidal.
Feeling suicidal is something I can definitely relate to unfortunately. That feeling takes control of me more times than I care to count during a given week. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but nothing comes to mind unfortunately. You definitely aren't alone that's for sure.
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Old 22 Hours Ago
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I went to a Service station and the owner muttered under his breath "strange"
My neighbour called me a "loser [email protected]"
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Old 19 Hours Ago
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Originally Posted by Kiwong View Post
I went to a Service station and the owner muttered under his breath "strange"
Yeah, I know the feeling. Often happens to me as well, when out in public.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiwong View Post
My neighbour called me a "loser [email protected]"
I'd have sweary 2 word response if it were me being called that...
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Old 18 Hours Ago
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Wish my life was a wee bit easier. Not in the sense of having everything done for me. It'd just be nice if I got the help when I ask for it, and not have to constantly burden with someone else's problem. As well having the responsibility to care for them as well, especially when they rarely appreciate all that I do for them without complaint. They're only so often ye can listen to somebuddy be depressive before ye just stop caring completely. Tired of my family trying to second guess me aw the time, and making me feel guilty for doing what's right by me.
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Old 15 Hours Ago
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I don't see much point in trying to better my life, and be happy. Seems that's not to be tolerated in my family. Selfish, or so they tell me. Gotta maintain that ever miserable Scottish dourness. Can't even have a wee change of routine for once in my life, trying something new. Instead o' the same ol' routine. But, no, everyone is free do as they wish except me.

Always gotta do what my controlling, narcisstic, bitch of a mother tells me or else... Not much of a life, is it? Living on edge, a constantly feeling anxious because yer only parent is prone to overreact at the smallest thing, even being the simplest question is enough to set her off.
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Old 12 Hours Ago
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Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
Feel i'm starting on the slow winter decline again. Eating less, doing less, feeling more bored/depressed.
Can definitely relate. I really need start eating more healthy and being more active. Was kinda hoping I'd maintain that routine I started last year, but sadly I've kinda got lazy in that regard.
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Old 11 Hours Ago
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Spent the whole day listening to NWOBM and 80s thrash metal music today, make o' that what ye will. Oh Gawd, I'm becoming just like slowesthand.
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Old 11 Hours Ago
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I wake up and again my mental issues great me in the morning. This morning however, my suicidal urge was really strong. As if it was saying "do you really want to do this again? I have the answer to your problems. Don't you want your pain to end once and for all?" Boy it sure is fun being me.
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Old 11 Hours Ago
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Originally Posted by defiance View Post
I wake up and again my mental issues great me in the morning. This morning however, my suicidal urge was really strong. As if it was saying "do you really want to do this again? I have the answer to your problems. Don't you want your pain to end once and for all?" Boy it sure is fun being me.
Sorry yer struggling, man. I can definitely relate, though - sadly. I wish could say or suggest summit that could make ye feel better as far as taking yer mind of these intrusive thoughts.
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Old 10 Hours Ago
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Originally Posted by Graeme1988 View Post
Sorry yer struggling, man. I can definitely relate, though - sadly. I wish could say or suggest summit that could make ye feel better as far as taking yer mind of these intrusive thoughts.
I wish I knew what I could do to be rid of these thoughts. Maybe then I could get a job and drive a car like normal people do. Maybe then I could look at the world with different eyes and actually enjoy myself a bit. I feel so empty and unfulfilled. I've said this before where I feel like my life is a fatal car crash in slow motion. You see it coming but there is nothing you can do about it. I feel so bad for anyone who is related to me or friends with me for that matter because I am a loser and nothing more.
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Old 7 Hours Ago
 

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Originally Posted by Graeme1988 View Post
As long as it's just the arms... Sorry, nay offence intended by that cheeky wee quip. I can relate, though. I'm equally paranoid, or more self-conscious, about the muscle growth of my arm. Pretty sure my right arm's bigger than my left, in fact. I need to get back in shape as well. Haven't been to my local gym in nearly a year.
Haha It is

I asked my mom's opinion and she said they look great and I just need to focus on my triceps to make my arms look smaller. I agree with her, though - they're a little too flabby. Anyway, I feel better about it.

Once you see results, working out can be quite addictive
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Old 6 Hours Ago
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Originally Posted by Sarah_M View Post
Haha It is

I asked my mom's opinion and she said they look great and I just need to focus on my triceps to make my arms look smaller. I agree with her, though - they're a little too flabby. Anyway, I feel better about it.

Once you see results, working out can be quite addictive
Yeah, I have the same issue regarding my arms as well - in terms of them being a bit flabby. The definition is there certainly. And you're right - working out can be quite addictive. As I found out last year while getting intense physiotherapy after having surgery on my right knee.
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Old 5 Hours Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah_M View Post
I've been lifting weights trying to get in shape and feel paranoid about my muscle growth. My arms look too masculine and now I'm concerned about the amount of testosterone in my body - ****. Both of my parents are former bodybuilders, so maybe my ability to put on muscle like that is genetic? God, I hope so - I really don't want to look like a man :(
Could you purchase a good push-up-bra? If you accentuate your mammary glands then you can worry less about any muscle growth in your arms causing you to be mistaken for a man.
Wearing clothing with a belt around your waist might help to make your wider female hips to stand out more too.
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Old 49 Minutes Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graeme1988 View Post
Spent the whole day listening to NWOBM and 80s thrash metal music today, make o' that what ye will. Oh Gawd, I'm becoming just like slowesthand.
Well, i don't listen to too much thrash/metal, as it can get "too much", esp for a whole day - i'd never do that. At present i'm mainly into instrumental stoner/psychedelic rock/metal, with a touch of doom/thrash - that's a genre that seems to fit most of my music needs.
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Old 48 Minutes Ago
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I cannot breathe for the darkness inside my chest, for the black fist clutching my lungs and crushing all hope from my heart. I cannot breathe for the hand that squeezes my throat, nor see beyond the blackness before my eyes where once all futures lay.
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