How are you feeling?

Fair enough, Graybeard. :thumbup:

If the guitar playing neighbour is pissing ye off to the point of yer likely to loss yer temper with him during a confrontation, then just stay clear and use the earplugs. Someone else in yer apartment building might file a noise complaint against the arsehole? Since I guessing you're not person who has to put up with the racket.

Mind you, I'd be soon getting him told. Regardless of having something in common, musically.

As for the house thing... I get it, man. Easier said than done. And the whole getting someone in to help, as a disabled person I very much relate. But the reasons you stated are exactly why I'm equally reluctant about getting help in for myself.

Isn't great when yer own parent tells you that you're stupid? Then they get shocked when you talk back, saying something sarcastic. Sure does the ol' self-esteem a lotta good having one's intelligence put in doubt. :kickingmyself:

*sigh*

The neighbors are having another cookout. Not the guitar guy, but the lady-couple from the next building down and the girl who lives across from me. A couple of kids, too. Gettin' together. Havin' a time.

I shouldn't care about this stuff. It's really none of my flippin' business. I know this, but damn it, I want to play too. I want to be welcomed. I want to belong. I'm the old man around here, as far as I know. Been here longer than anyone. Why am I also the odd man out? :sad:

ETA: So then guitar guy showed up, too, and the picture was complete. My nemesis and the people I would have as friends all together in my yard, all yakkin' and laughin', all in cahoots.

I really hate this ****ing place. If I can't leave on my feet, let them take me out in a bag. Whatever the universe decides, let it be soon.

I awoke yesterday afternoon with a pretty bad burning pain in my lower left back. "What the Hell is THIS?" I said aloud. After about five seconds I was convinced it was a kidney stone, though I've never had one before.

I called my mother who drove me to the ER where they confirmed my suspicions through a CT scan. They took my blood, gave me a shot, hooked me to an IV and after a couple of hours I was sent back home.

I have meds for pain, meds for nausea, and Flomax for dilation so the stone passes more easily through my urethra. And now I just wait... drinking water continually, running to the bathroom constantly, and surfing the net in an ocean of anticipation, ha ha... all for the coming of a pain which rivals that of childbirth.

It's like nothing occurs for the longest time, and then whoosh! A rush of activity. And I'm talking about life, not just the mind searing pain-waves of renal colic, ha ha.

The weird part is that I'm not bummed about it; "at least something is happening" I keep thinking. Through this agony I'll be validated as an honest-to-God, "real" person. I'll have a story to tell, I'll be a veteran of The Kidney Stone Wars, exaggerating how big my pebble was while clinking drinks with other steel-eyed sailors who KNOW what real pain is. I'll be a man, one who's been through something that most other men haven't.

I'll be real.

I need this.

GraybeardGhost said:

*sigh*

The neighbors are having another cookout. Not the guitar guy, but the lady-couple from the next building down and the girl who lives across from me. A couple of kids, too. Gettin' together. Havin' a time.

I shouldn't care about this stuff. It's really none of my flippin' business. I know this, but damn it, I want to play too. I want to be welcomed. I want to belong. I'm the old man around here, as far as I know. Been here longer than anyone. Why am I also the odd man out? :sad:

ETA: So then guitar guy showed up, too, and the picture was complete. My nemesis and the people I would have as friends all together in my yard, all yakkin' and laughin', all in cahoots.

I really hate this ****ing place. If I can't leave on my feet, let them take me out in a bag. Whatever the universe decides, let it be soon.

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I can definitely relate there, Graybeard. I always feel like the odd man out in most social setting, myself.

2000 mg of amoxi a day is wiping me out. I just made a piece of toast with jam so I could manage to take the horse pills with out them making me want to vomit and now I feel like I need another nap. Self-care is so important but why does it have to feel like such work?
I need to up my game once I shake this infection smh

Super stressed at work. Cried before leaving for work this morning. (But I am also PMSing). So overwhelmed at work, all I can do is laugh. But hey, that's better than crying.

Stressed out. Nearly brokedown in tears, yesterday. Between me not feeling well and this ingrown feckin' toenail! :kickingmyself: On the top of that, I've got a laptop that I need to refurbish for my sister, that she needs done in 3 weeks. Because she can't be arsed doing it herself. h:

And my mother always in a crabbit, miserable mood whenever I'm around. Burdening me with all her worries and complaints about her health. As if her poor diet and lack of exercise and the fact she's overweight - all that's somehow my fault? :idontknow: Apparently I'm sympathetic enough that my own mothercould possibly be diabetic. Nevermind if I've spent the last 6 years repeatedly saying: "Please, do me a favour, right? Stop buying this junk food. It's not good for you in the long-term"

So maybe this isn't the right place to put this but, I was having a conversation with someone who stated that immortality might be possible within our lifetime through technology. He made it sound like it was the greatest thing ever that we can have the possibility to live forever and I just smiled and agreed. When really all I was thinking was "Immortality?....no thank you. Because when you are a sufferer you lifetime feels like an eternity of suffering so I think I'll pass."

defiance said:

So maybe this isn't the right place to put this but, I was having a conversation with someone who stated that immortality might be possible within our lifetime through technology. He made it sound like it was the greatest thing ever that we can have the possibility to live forever and I just smiled and agreed. When really all I was thinking was "Immortality?....no thank you. Because when you are a sufferer you lifetime feels like an eternity of suffering so I think I'll pass."

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I'd like to see immortality as a great thing, but I'm like you: Why you want that if you've suffered a lot throughout yer life? :idontknow:

defiance said:

So maybe this isn't the right place to put this but, I was having a conversation with someone who stated that immortality might be possible within our lifetime through technology. He made it sound like it was the greatest thing ever that we can have the possibility to live forever and I just smiled and agreed. When really all I was thinking was "Immortality?....no thank you. Because when you are a sufferer you lifetime feels like an eternity of suffering so I think I'll pass."

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Graeme1988 said:

I'd like to see immortality as a great thing, but I'm like you: Why you want that if you've suffered a lot throughout yer life? :idontknow:

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I'm curious to see what happens next, but I don't want suffer through it if things are going to continue the way they have been. Don't want to feel; just want to observe. I want to come back as a ghost when I die so I can watch the story unfold and maybe mess with people's heads a bit when things get slow.

Avalon331 said:

Super stressed at work. Cried before leaving for work this morning. (But I am also PMSing). So overwhelmed at work, all I can do is laugh. But hey, that's better than crying.

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You should be dancing, yeah.

Happily listening to Obituary - Cause of Death, for the first time. Feeling better, less bored. It's really kicking some @ss.

Nearly 1 o'clock in the afternoon, better get outta bed, I suppose. Even though there's nothing to wake up for. :idontknow: :sad:

Techno-aggravation. I'm feeling smashy. :bat:

I was at a gathering recently and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in many years. Everyone now had a great career a family of their own and they had basically made something of themselves. Some of these people are younger than me and have already accomplished so much in their lives. They asked me what I was up to and I had to lie about my job because I don't have one and I had to lie about some other things as well. I didn't have a choice because these are the kind of people that will measure you up and talk about you when you aren't around to others. "Oh did you know so and so isn't even working nor driving. What a waste of a person." I'd imagine they would say things along those lines. It was crushing to be reminded once again that I haven't accomplished anything in my life. As if I am not reminded of it everyday, but on that day multiple times. I came home and I had to fight back the tears with all I had. How am I supposed to do any of these things when a simple request to go to the store or to call a company and ask about our bill might cause me to go into panic mode. I want it to stop. I want my pain to stop so I can live somewhat of a normal life while I still have some life left in me.

Graeme1988 said:

Nearly 1 o'clock in the afternoon, better get outta bed, I suppose. Even though there's nothing to wake up for. :idontknow: :sad:

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That's my life every day. :idontknow: :sad:

Found out my nephew (who is only 19) has a girlfriend, and instead of being happy for him, i am feeling resentful that he's having such an easy, straight-foward, normal life - which i never had. I never managed not even a single date, let alone a girlfriend, during my teens, 20s, 30s, and most likely 40s!. WHY did i have to be so HOPELESS at life??? :idontknow: :kickingmyself: :thumbdown:

I also recall disliking & even being rude to my older brother's girlfriends, way back then, probably with similar sentiments as now. It seemed to be jealousy not so much of him having a girlfriend, but more of him being a normal sheeple.

theslowesthand said:

That's my life every day.

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Depressing, innit?

theslowesthand said:

WHY did i have to be so HOPELESS at life??? :idontknow: :kickingmyself: :thumbdown:

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I've been asking myself the same exact question since my mid-teens.

I feel like I have no purpose in life whatsoever. Making other folk happy might give some folk purpose, but I feel for me that I'm being taken advantage of, because whenever I offer to help, it's rejected. But my family will pressure me into maintaining how they want things to be. So I just go along with it... Since me saying "No" is huge sin. :kickingmyself: :sad: