How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Finding little projects to do (mainly on pc) is probably the closest i get to having "meaning" to life. I just try to keep my mind occupied with such things/projects for as much of the time as i can. Also i can think of some things in my near-future. I don't think i care too much nowadays about "the big picture" of life. The main thing is surviving & being okay in the present moment, i find...

Yeah, that's pretty much my life, outside of getting out to the odd concert or comedy show.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Burned out. Lately, I've been feeling more tired during the day than at night. Nae idea what's going on there. :idontknow:
 

defiance

Well-known member
I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

Damn man that hit too close to home.
 

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Life is what happens while you're making other plans, it's also what happens while you're stuck at dog-shit zero. At least normal people can make plans, I'm ****ing chained around my own monument to nothingness and despair, maaaaaaan.

You shouldn't have to get old AND have social phobia.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Life is what happens while you're making other plans, it's also what happens while you're stuck at dog-shit zero. At least normal people can make plans, I'm ****ing chained around my own monument to nothingness and despair, maaaaaaan.

You shouldn't have to get old AND have social phobia.

Even though I'm still fairly young, I can definitely relate. :sad:
 

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Life is what happens while you're making other plans, it's also what happens while you're stuck at dog-shit zero. At least normal people can make plans, I'm ****ing chained around my own monument to nothingness and despair, maaaaaaan.

You shouldn't have to get old AND have social phobia.

Damn straight. I can make the plans and dream the dreams, but in my heart I know I'm just fooling myself because this is who I am, and this is where I am, and that's how it's going to be 'til I turn up my toes and start pushing up the daisies. As for that, any day now would be fine with me. :perfect:
 

defiance

Well-known member
This morning I wake up and the first thing I look at is the belt next to me. All I could think about at that moment was "today could be the day your pain can end. Wait until everyone is out of the house and you can hang yourself and drift into freedom." Not going to lie it was incredibly tempting. Yet, for the sake of one person, my Mom, not having to suffer a fate of losing a child like that I continue to exist. Notice I didn't say live because I stopped doing that years ago. At least if I die in my sleep I can't be held accountable for it and it would make the pain less for my family as opposed to me ending it.
 
Been abroad, bit aggro/nervy/action/restless/rushing as is always the case after being abroad. So: strong coffee, chocolate & biscuits, beer - yep, i'm going "hard out"! (crazy binging for crazy stress) :giggle:
 
I feel like smashing all of the plates and glasses in my kitchen.
But I am too poor to be doing that. :eek:h:

Punching a pillow just does not do my anger justice right now.
 

defiance

Well-known member
Don't want to see another day. Words cannot express how tired I am of all of it. I can't connect to anything and just about everything makes me anxious and scared. The fact that there are now people that look at my age and see my situation doesn't make it any better as they start to judge you for what you don't have such as a good job or being married and so forth. I find no meaning in anything anymore no matter how hard I try. I mean it is up to us to put meaning into anything really but I can't even do that. Everything feels cold and numb to me. Again .... I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to be here anymore and would prefer the eternal sleep.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Don't want to see another day. Words cannot express how tired I am of all of it. I can't connect to anything and just about everything makes me anxious and scared. The fact that there are now people that look at my age and see my situation doesn't make it any better as they start to judge you for what you don't have such as a good job or being married and so forth. I find no meaning in anything anymore no matter how hard I try. I mean it is up to us to put meaning into anything really but I can't even do that. Everything feels cold and numb to me. Again .... I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to be here anymore and would prefer the eternal sleep.

Same here, mate. As far as feeling a lack of connection, and scared of everything. :sad:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Don't know how much longer I can put up with my mum's eccentric behaviour? :idontknow:
It stopped being hysterically funny and cute a long time ago. Now, it's just embarrassing. :kickingmyself:

I wish I had enough money to just move away... away from my family, away from shitty, infamous, wee town in which ah live.
 

defiance

Well-known member
Don't know how much longer I can put up with my mum's eccentric behaviour? :idontknow:
It stopped being hysterically funny and cute a long time ago. Now, it's just embarrassing. :kickingmyself:

I wish I had enough money to just move away... away from my family, away from shitty, infamous, wee town in which ah live.

Isn't it funny how money can solve some of our biggest issues? In your case it would be to move away and in my case I could use it to tell those who are judging me for not having a job to f**k off. And also to buy a house fully payed off and make fun of them for having a mortgage just so they can get a little taste of their own medicine.
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
Isn't it funny how money can solve some of our biggest issues? In your case it would be to move away and in my case I could use it to tell those who are judging me for not having a job to f**k off. And also to buy a house fully payed off and make fun of them for having a mortgage just so they can get a little taste of their own medicine.
I would advise you not to start off by looking for paid work all the time, that's "putting the cart before the horse" so to speak. Companies always hire people from the inside already. I volunteered at a hospital for a few years, even though I still don't have a job at that hospital I got interviewed for positions they had because they knew who I was! On job postings "experience" doesn't have to mean "paid experience" and companies near you could use you.
 
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I feel like smashing all of the plates and glasses in my kitchen.
But I am too poor to be doing that. :eek:h:

Punching a pillow just does not do my anger justice right now.
Although i'm not that far gone, i do sense my aggressiveness/irritability/restlessness rising up lately. I'm wondering if diet is the cause (too much junk foods, too much coffee in my moffee, too much dark chocolate, eating less overall) :question:

Btw This is just a thought .. could you afford to buy some dirt-cheap plates/etc at a thrift store? (and you can then smash them to your heart's content without worrying about the money) :question:
 
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Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
First off, hi peeps, its been a while since I've been here. So how am I feeling? Really upset.
My cat woke me up messing with my window blinds, I got up move my dresser aside so he can't get back there, got back on bed and went to sleep with on my chest.
Woke up, he leaves my room, walks around, usual stuff. I put my shows on to go to work, he jumps on the table and make a growling/groaning sound. I get up to look and he's unconscious (never happened before). Took him to an animal hospital and he had already passed away. Apparently a heart failure.
I had a test a little over a month ago cause the vet heard a murmur, but I didn't hear back from them (i think they called the wrong number). After call I g the today they told me they left a message that he had an advanced murmur, I've been feeling g extra terrible cause I feel like its my fault. Maybe if I had acted quicker or more proactively hrs still be here. But at the same time, if it was advanced enough there might have been nothing they could do.
Well anyway that was my day. I had a cat previously that had feline leukemia, I don't intend to get another cat anytime soon, this past cat was a "replacement" for the other, just filled with a sad emptiness of not having a pet. Now though I almost feel cursed, like I'm dooming the next pet I get.
 
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