How are you feeling?

Really hating myself right now. What's the point of going on if all I ever do is make things worse?

GraybeardGhost said:

Really hating myself right now. What's the point of going on if all I ever do is make things worse?

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That is exactly how I feel. I can't stand this constant feeling of sadness and failure.

Like I'm missing so much in my life, socially I feel empty and jealous.

Louco said:

It's actually the word c i a l i s. It's the name of a drug for erectile dysfunction.

Maybe the forum had trouble with spammers trying to sell it around here? The forum admin should take it off though, it also makes it difficult to talk about so******m.

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As well as so******ing!
But since SA/SP people aren't big on so******ing, it's probably very rarely mentioned, hehe

I'm ill, tired, sore throat.
Also sort of depressed as usual.

Felling better now, bought a kindle book and am reading it "cover to cover"

Chewing gum and listening to my jaw crackle.

Just trying to hold myself together. Not easy because lately all I wanted to do is cry my eyes out. What will come of this?:sad::crying:

Can't stop thinking about what my life would have been like if I did not have the personality I was born with absolutely shredded beyond repair when I was 8 years old.
I would have been able to become a nurse - as I always wanted too - and helped to save people's lives.

What a wasted life.

BlueDays said:

Can't stop thinking about what my life would have been like if I did not have the personality I was born with absolutely shredded beyond repair when I was 8 years old.

What a wasted life.

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Ah've been thinkin' the same thing. Though, ah wus 6 years old when ma personality wus damaged beyond any hope of repair.

:sad:

*sigh*

I was watching a powerfit ad on the tele, and there was a delay in the image and sound, making it look like badly dubbed spaghetti western. The fake smiles and the wobbling body parts and out of sync voices made me laugh.

bills ...why cant they see I have other important things going on, they are last on my list of priorities, they need to wait...and yet these little rectangular paper obligations refuse to wait, arriving through my door forcing themselves up the order of priorities. I don't want them messing up the order. I have a system and my system has deemed them not important right now. I will get to them when Im through with the other stuff I need to deal with and yet...they insist I attend to them right now or else they'll make it so I can get nothing important done. ... ****ing ***** mutter mutter mutter having to be counter productive to be productive **** ******

Everything is this world makes you go backwards to go forward

BlueDays said:

Can't stop thinking about what my life would have been like if I did not have the personality I was born with absolutely shredded beyond repair when I was 8 years old.
I would have been able to become a nurse - as I always wanted too - and helped to save people's lives.

What a wasted life.

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:sad:

do you still want to be a nurse?

kilojoule said:

bills ...why cant they see I have other important things going on, they are last on my list of priorities, they need to wait...and yet these little rectangular paper obligations refuse to wait, arriving through my door forcing themselves up the order of priorities. I don't want them messing up the order. I have a system and my system has deemed them not important right now. I will get to them when Im through with the other stuff I need to deal with and yet...they insist I attend to them right now or else they'll make it so I can get nothing important done. ... ****ing ***** mutter mutter mutter having to be counter productive to be productive **** ******

Everything is this world makes you go backwards to go forward

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The thing about bills is that they start out relatively small, but have a way of getting bigger and bigger until they blow up into a whole lot of trouble. They're like volcanoes . . . or teenagers. Best to deal with them early before they start spitting out lava and "borrowing" the family car.

Kiwong said:

Freaking hell, people are complicated. Maybe some people get off on that, not me, I prefer birds to people they go about their business flying free.

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They do get curious sometimes though. After working with security, I found out if you stay still long enough around their trees they eventually consider you part of the environment and get way closer to you than they usually do.

Same old same old. More misery and hell. I'd say I give up, but I did that a while ago.

Things seem bleak right now.

Some days you're beaten before you begin. I have a feeling this is one of those days.

Seriously depressed at the moment. What is the value of life when you're denied all the joy, but get double the aggravation? The most ordinary tasks become grueling ordeals. I have no friendship, no love, no freedom. If something happens to me, there is literally no one I can ask to help me or attend to my affairs if need be. No one. My friends have abandoned me, my family has shunned me, my neighbors I don't even know. I'm about as isolated as a person can be without moving into a cave on top of a mountain.

Life is not meant to be like this. It's not supposed to be all roses and strawberry milkshakes, but it's not supposed to be all thorns and Brussels sprouts, either. Balance. There's supposed to be balance. Sorrow and joy, tedium and excitement, solitude and companionship. Life is not unlike a teeter-totter in this way: sometimes you're down, and sometimes you're up, but if you're on it all alone, your ass will always be headed for the mud.

I feel as though half my life has been cut away—not the length of it, not yet, but the breadth, like a board ripped down the middle on a table saw. It seems just as long (though the end looms closer than it used to), but a lot narrower, harder to walk on, harder to keep from falling off. Half a life sawn off and thrown away. I wonder where it went. I wonder who has it now.

Just a ramble through the brambles of the weed patch of my mind. Do with it what you will.

Strangely hopeful.