How are you feeling?

Phoenixx said:

The fact that all I've been putting up with lately is all this pressure from my family of driving everywhere, getting my license, moving out, finishing school, figuring out what to do after school and how to finish the rest of my education, figuring out how to even live on my own with what limited money I have, I just can't take it. I can't breathe! :: Of course I want to do all these things, I really do want to do all this more than anything, and I know it needs to be done, but it's all too much at the moment. I don't even know what to do, or where to start anymore. I don't even know if I'll be able to function and make it on my own once I do. I'm afraid I'll end up right back at home or something because I couldn't find a job, or pay rent, or even take care of myself, or all of the above.

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have you told your parents how you're feeling?

LOL yup phoenixx, im turning 18 and im going to uni next september (which really isnt that far away) so I know EXACTLY how you feel. Theres pretty much not a day that goes by that my parents arent on my ass about EVERYTHING you have just mentioned.

I dont have a job,I cant even fathom anything having to do with money like bills and stuff,I just found out what a debit card is 2 days ago ffs. And I DO have a licence but I am so afraid to drive and the uni I want to go to is halfway across the country so IL HAVE to drive myself,theyre on my ass ALL of the time about driving more to get over my fear.

It sucks ass I know completely how you feel.

I want to go on a killing spree inside my house. ohmygod. I hate feeling so out of control.

shakethelight said:

I want to go on a killing spree inside my house. ohmygod. I hate feeling so out of control.

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Hm, perhaps you could scream or punch your frustrations out into a pillow or something (just not a someone:. Or you can vent to someone. Just something to get those feelings out of you.

DeadmanWalking said:

No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was that, when you go to campus for classes, you stay on campus until you finish all of your classes, then get picked up.

And your friend would be happy to help you. Talk to her about it and see how she feels. I can almost guarantee you that she won't feel that you're bothering her. After all, "that's what friends are for".

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^ Oh I see what you mean. I do stick around up there most of the day though to finish my classes, as much as I don't like it. It is rather lonely since I only have a couple friends up there who don't even have that much free time either so I never see them much. I survived last year though, as lonely as I was. I'll survive this year, but I still hate the loneliness. :/

shakethelight said:

You've seen my tumblr so you already know how much I relate to this. I think its amazing despite what you struggle with you still manage to expose yourself to a lot of things. It's inspiring. You seem like someone who has the determination to get to where she needs to be. Everything you're feeling is normal, just take it one step at a time. The driving thing? I was in an almost fatal car accident in 2004 & my family still doesn't understand my anxiety about it. A lot of people have issues with driving. At least you're working on it. Give yourself some credit...I don't even know you but you seem like someone who's come a long way. Good luck.

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^ Inspiring? Wow, thanks. No one's ever said that to me before. I guess if you truly knew me in person, I don't think you'd find me too inspiring though.

Sorry to hear about that accident, but glad you're okay. Even though you still deal with the anxiety, things could've been much worse.

coyote said:

have you told your parents how you're feeling?

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^ Eh, not exactly. :/ They've been preoccupied with other things as well; brother moving out towards Pittsburgh in less than two months (which pretty much kick-started their pressuring me now about moving out), my dad still being busy with work and may be expecting a short layoff coming up next month, and then tonight my dad was talking about wanting some land contract with the neighbor, whatever that was about. I don't even know anymore. It's like all of a sudden my parents want to do a billion things at once and I don't even know why. Mid-life crisis? Spring... er Autumn fever? I don't know but they need to slow down. I think they need to breathe too. Ugh...

Invisibleman said:

LOL yup phoenixx, im turning 18 and im going to uni next september (which really isnt that far away) so I know EXACTLY how you feel. Theres pretty much not a day that goes by that my parents arent on my ass about EVERYTHING you have just mentioned.

I dont have a job,I cant even fathom anything having to do with money like bills and stuff,I just found out what a debit card is 2 days ago ffs. And I DO have a licence but I am so afraid to drive and the uni I want to go to is halfway across the country so IL HAVE to drive myself,theyre on my ass ALL of the time about driving more to get over my fear.

It sucks ass I know completely how you feel.

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^ Yeah that's the thing. My parents have very rarely ever pressured me with these sorts of things. Mostly because usually I do have my head on my shoulders and I am focused and know what I want to do. Reality is just basically slamming me in the face right now and I feel lost, and now that they're in a rush to do things isn't helping me or my anxiety any.

I haven't had a real job in three years because of how awful I was treated at my last one and because of the whole license issue. Not to mention my SA is worse now than it was back then.

Don't feel bad about not knowing what a debit card is. I'm just starting to get the real hang of checks now and I'm still rusty on trying to read bills from school. You'd think they'd teach us this stuff in high school to prepare us for the real world, but for some stupid reason by the time we graduate and get into college, some people actually expect us to know it all by then. What? I'm lucky to have parents who are financially smart, and I did learn some things from them, but obviously I'm not going to know every single thing or how to do it.

I've been driving a lot more lately and my improvement really has shown. I feel proud of my progress (especially comparing this year to last year where I didn't drive hardly at all), but to my mother especially she's been coming off like it's not good enough. Like I'm not progressing fast enough. I still haven't driven through the city more (only have twice) and I cannot park to save my life. *facepalm* I know I'm so close to getting things down, yet everything still feels so far away. I just know I'm going to fail the first time I take my test. And with my anxiety, who knows how many tries it'll take before I actually get it?

Ayway I wish you the best of luck at university this year. Hopefully it'll be a good experience for you, Invisibleman. What are you taking as your major?


Also, thanks for replying you guys. I didn't think anyone would really even listen to that emotional bantering. I'm feeling better, for now.

Feeling a little lost.
What the hell am I doing.... O_O

Phoenixx said:

^ Yeah that's the thing. My parents have very rarely ever pressured me with these sorts of things. Mostly because usually I do have my head on my shoulders and I am focused and know what I want to do. Reality is just basically slamming me in the face right now and I feel lost, and now that they're in a rush to do things isn't helping me or my anxiety any.

I haven't had a real job in three years because of how awful I was treated at my last one and because of the whole license issue. Not to mention my SA is worse now than it was back then.

Don't feel bad about not knowing what a debit card is. I'm just starting to get the real hang of checks now and I'm still rusty on trying to read bills from school. You'd think they'd teach us this stuff in high school to prepare us for the real world, but for some stupid reason by the time we graduate and get into college, some people actually expect us to know it all by then. What? I'm lucky to have parents who are financially smart, and I did learn some things from them, but obviously I'm not going to know every single thing or how to do it.

I've been driving a lot more lately and my improvement really has shown. I feel proud of my progress (especially comparing this year to last year where I didn't drive hardly at all), but to my mother especially she's been coming off like it's not good enough. Like I'm not progressing fast enough. I still haven't driven through the city more (only have twice) and I cannot park to save my life. *facepalm* I know I'm so close to getting things down, yet everything still feels so far away. I just know I'm going to fail the first time I take my test. And with my anxiety, who knows how many tries it'll take before I actually get it?

Ayway I wish you the best of luck at university this year. Hopefully it'll be a good experience for you, Invisibleman. What are you taking as your major?

.

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Yeah its extremely annoying. Ive always said that school is so extremely pointless. yeah, I know completely useless information like what year the brits killed all of the native americans, now how the hell do I manage money and use different cards and pay bills and use banks? good god it pisses me off. And its even more annoying because this is all stuff my sister knows who isnt much older than me.I hope she'll help me. I wish they told me all of this sh*t before. But anyway im taking Global Development Studies.

GhoulsNightOut said:

Feeling a little lost.
What the hell am I doing.... O_O

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What's wrong?

Phoenixx said:

Upset and depressed, when just an hour ago I was feeling great. My mom decided it was a good time during dinner to get on my case about my stupid schedule this semester. NOW she has a problem with it (she couldn't have told me anything this whole summer ), and I think I'll have to drop the class I wanted to take the most: digital photography. All because I won't have a ride. The one class that I decided to take because it not only has always interested me, but it was a better chance to get past some obstacles -- working in groups, fear of cameras, fear of working with and around other people, etc.

My schedule this year is pretty packed because 1) I'm finally able to take a much-needed science course (BioChemistry) and 2) I'm taking extra credits anyway because my advisor recommended it. I tried to get an easier schedule so I only had to go to college for 3 days a week rather than 5, and so I could coordinate with my friend's schedule -- my ride -- but sadly I couldn't because I also needed my activity course (Yoga) which was only Tuesday/Thursday afternoon. I still get to keep that, but it's still inconvenient as I need to have someone with me to either a) take me or b) drive myself up there.

I am just so tired of revolving MY schedule and plans around everyone else just because I have to live in some incredibly isolated rural craphole, where the closest city with any job openings and other opportunities is a half hour away by car, and I don't have my license because I have to be so stupidly afraid of everything. I know this is partially my fault. :: And trust me, I kick myself constantly over the fact I didn't force myself to overcome the whole license issue 3 years ago. But it's just so much harder when the people around you don't even understand a single thing of what you go through every day on a regular basis. The fact that all I've been putting up with lately is all this pressure from my family of driving everywhere, getting my license, moving out, finishing school, figuring out what to do after school and how to finish the rest of my education, figuring out how to even live on my own with what limited money I have, I just can't take it. I can't breathe! :: Of course I want to do all these things, I really do want to do all this more than anything, and I know it needs to be done, but it's all too much at the moment. I don't even know what to do, or where to start anymore. I don't even know if I'll be able to function and make it on my own once I do. I'm afraid I'll end up right back at home or something because I couldn't find a job, or pay rent, or even take care of myself, or all of the above. ::

Sorry for the whiny rant. I'm kind of an emotional mess today, I can't even control my mood swings. (thanks aunt flo)

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I understand how you feel Phoenixx, its scary when I think about my furture. I know you're trying your best though, you're pushing yourself to face your fears and its definitely not easy. Try not to think too much about everything, just take a step at a time. I know you'll get what you want. *hugs*

1BlackSheep said:

So sorry to hear that you're feeling down. :: Hope things get better for you real soon!

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Thank you.

planemo said:

could it be that you're sad because you're still feeling alone? are you finding it hard to like yourself, or is it other people you're posing the question to? either way it's a downer. i'm really trying my best to like myself. but i find it really hard. wishing you the best

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I don't really know but I guess its both. I understand, its hard. I hope you can do it though and thanks.

Had to give a speech today. I practiced but it all fell apart when it came time to do it. I'm not really angry at myself - 'cause I expected this might happen - but I'm exhausted......

wariomona said:

Had to give a speech today. I practiced but it all fell apart when it came time to do it. I'm not really angry at myself - 'cause I expected this might happen - but I'm exhausted......

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I'm sorry, this happened to me many times before. Don't be too hard on yourself though. It was a difficult thing to do, at least you were almost ready, maybe you'll be able to do it next time.

Stung! I had to push through a forest of stinging nettles to avoid cows and now I'm stung all over! Ouch!

Wish I had someone tae talk with, preferably someone who doesn't laugh everytime I'm being serious. I gues that's the downside of havin' a Scottish accent. Aside from that, socially anxious around ma family as per f**kin' usual!

Invisibleman said:

Yeah its extremely annoying. Ive always said that school is so extremely pointless. yeah, I know completely useless information like what year the brits killed all of the native americans, now how the hell do I manage money and use different cards and pay bills and use banks? good god it pisses me off. And its even more annoying because this is all stuff my sister knows who isnt much older than me.I hope she'll help me. I wish they told me all of this sh*t before. But anyway im taking Global Development Studies.

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^ I don't find entire schooling process pointless, but it's about half of what they teach you is what I find pointless. Unless it'll most definitely apply to surviving out in the real world, then I don't think it should be taught, or at least be required. If you wanna learn about the pythagorean theorem and solve for variables, then go ahead and take it. But seriously I shouldn't need to spend a whole year trying to find x and other complicated ways to do it. Unless "x" leads to some buried treasure that'll help me pay off the ungodly debt I'll earn attempting to complete my education, then I don't want to know about it. I think I'll stop there before I get too ahead of myself and rant some more.

Global Development Studies sounds really interesting. Have any specific plans yet on what you'd like to do? Oh, I really do recommend that if it's not required and if you have extra credits to take a basic Accounting course. I'm not kidding, it will help you understand money better. It'll be quite a bit of material to take in at first, but trust me you won't regret it. I took a course last year and that helped me a lot too. It's not too hard, it's just sometimes time consuming. Hopefully your sister will be able to help you out too.

Srijita52 said:

I understand how you feel Phoenixx, its scary when I think about my furture. I know you're trying your best though, you're pushing yourself to face your fears and its definitely not easy. Try not to think too much about everything, just take a step at a time. I know you'll get what you want. *hugs*

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^ Thanks Srijita. It's exactly all about baby steps.

^No I havent thought about what I want to do. One step at a time,I wont even be starting for another year. But anyway no I cant take accounting, for the most part in Canada its only offered in community college. The university im going to whatever field you go into you can only take field related electives.

I dunno im sure my father will teach me about money and sh*t.

Sore. Managed to do something to my leg while I was sleeping. I'm just that talented xD

Labyrinthine said:

Sore. Managed to do something to my leg while I was sleeping. I'm just that talented xD

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I'm sorry, I hope you feel better soon.

Graeme1988 said:

Wish I had someone tae talk with, preferably someone who doesn't laugh everytime I'm being serious. I gues that's the downside of havin' a Scottish accent. Aside from that, socially anxious around ma family as per f**kin' usual!

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I'm sorry to hear that Graeme. If there's anything you want to talk about I'm here.

Right at this moment I am miserable. I took today off from work since its my birthday but maybe I shouldn't have. This is one of my worst days of the year every year. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything meaningful in the past year. I just have this hollow, hopeless feeling like nothing matters anymore.

Starry said:

Stung! I had to push through a forest of stinging nettles to avoid cows and now I'm stung all over! Ouch!

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Umm...not sure how to answer that but I hope you're feeling okay.

P.S. Not to sound funny or anything, but were the cows chasing you or something?

JuiceB said:

Right at this moment I am miserable. I took today off from work since its my birthday but maybe I shouldn't have. This is one of my worst days of the year every year. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything meaningful in the past year. I just have this hollow, hopeless feeling like nothing matters anymore.

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Sorry to hear you feel like that. I understand the feeling and it's horrible. I hope your Birthday improves and you feel better!

JuiceB said:

Starry said:

Stung! I had to push through a forest of stinging nettles to avoid cows and now I'm stung all over! Ouch!

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Umm...not sure how to answer that but I hope you're feeling okay.

P.S. Not to sound funny or anything, but were the cows chasing you or something?

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Thank you. No, the cows weren't chasing me, I was just trying to avoid them since I'm scared of them... They were in the field I had to go through to get home, so it was push through nettles to get to a section of the field as far away from the cows as possible, or go near them (they were near the only entrance)... Anxiety about them chasing me dictated the former course of action... The stings still hurt... Ah well, that's what I get for being a wimp! haha

i'm a little disappointed

i reached for the cheddar cheese pretzel Combos but wound up with a bag of pepperoni pizza cracker Combos instead

i suppose i'll have to eat them anyway

don't you just hate it when you get the wrong Combos?