How are you feeling?

Proud of myself and yet disappointed. I got up at 5:00 A.M and jogged to the park. I've always been scared to jog through the park because it's located in the middle of a forest, but it was fun because bunny rabbits, weird bird noises and I saw a pond off in the distance with water fowl. I was scared to even walk down the street this morning, I'm agoraphobic and I felt ashamed of myself that I have gotten that bad. My skin was crawling and I wanted to give up.

After I finished jogging/walking though the park, I started cramping I was like FML and PMS because I wanted to play adventurer, because I was proud and realized things were harmless and that my anxiety does magnify things.

So I turned back around walked then I started jogging and the cramps went away. Then I jogged back to my house. I was like, I want to do some more, then I did a circle around my neighborhood. I did great, I was disappointed because of how bad I let myself get, but now it has motivated me to get up and get more fit because working out inside is not doing much.

Graeme1988 said:

Nervous as f**k! First CBT session tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. Been thinking about it much of last night. :: I'm not great when it comes to first impression. Gonnae be awkward.

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You're going to be alright Graeme. You're shy and I don't think your therapist cares, they just want to help you. I understand, I hope your have a good first session.

Beleza said:

You're going to be alright Graeme. You're shy and I don't think your therapist cares, they just want to help you. I understand, I hope your have a good first session.

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Thanks, Beleza. I hope my first session goes well too. I just don't know where to start with my problems? Given that I've been asking for help with my SA & depression for the last 8 year, but my family didn't take me seriously - they still don't to some extent. And my mum isn't too happy that I said I'd probably be quite critical of her - when she's mentioned - during my therapy sessions. Since our relationship is fairly dysfunctional, for lack of a better.

And slightly off-topic, I still nervous about posting my voice on here. Despite wanting to do so.

blah.<--- that's my contribution to the world today

the only reason i have anyone's respect right now is because i am doing something i hate (day job). monday-friday i am a robot slave, not my own person, depressed. i am a vessel for someone else to make lots of money while i slave in an uncomfortable environment with no freedom to get up or take care of things i need to. no health care. making peanuts. then the weekend comes and for a moment i am myself again. for a minute i am happy.

@ Beleza,
That sounds pretty cool!!!

@ Graeme
Goodluck!


Me, well ive been trying this diet and the 1st week was Ok. 2nd week i actually gained weight lol. Didnt plan to do it this long but since i gained, im not taking any chances this 3rd week. I am down to the minimum of 1200 calories a day with no carbs plus working out and cardio. And i am surviving so far more than i thought.

Weak, have no energy.

dyingtolive said:

@ Graeme
Goodluck!

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Thanks.

I'm a bloke but graeme any voice that's goes with that cheeky face will do everyone just fine lol good luck on the sesh too bud....


Now my rant,,,, **** the NHS and Medical benefits I'm gona flip with them **** it!!

karl:-/ said:

I'm a bloke but graeme any voice that's goes with that cheeky face will do everyone just fine lol good luck on the sesh too bud....


Now my rant,,,, **** the NHS and Medical benefits I'm gona flip with them **** it!!

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i love that you type in accent. makes your comments a pleasure to read

karl:-/ said:

I'm a bloke but graeme any voice that's goes with that cheeky face will do everyone just fine lol good luck on the sesh too bud...

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Thanks, Karl. I would've post in the Post Your Voice thread today, but I've feeling a bit down, with tomorrow CBT session on my mind alot, lately. But eventually I will...

Agent_Violet said:

i love that you type in accent. makes your comments a pleasure to read

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I take it you've noticed me writing most of ma posts on here in ma Scottish accent, Violet? Thanks, darling. You and WeirdyMcGee are the only one's who've commented on it. Though, I'm sure everybody's noticed it by now.

Beleza said:

Proud of myself and yet disappointed. I got up at 5:00 A.M and jogged to the park. I've always been scared to jog through the park because it's located in the middle of a forest, but it was fun because bunny rabbits, weird bird noises and I saw a pond off in the distance with water fowl. I was scared to even walk down the street this morning, I'm agoraphobic and I felt ashamed of myself that I have gotten that bad. My skin was crawling and I wanted to give up.

After I finished jogging/walking though the park, I started cramping I was like FML and PMS because I wanted to play adventurer, because I was proud and realized things were harmless and that my anxiety does magnify things.

So I turned back around walked then I started jogging and the cramps went away. Then I jogged back to my house. I was like, I want to do some more, then I did a circle around my neighborhood. I did great, I was disappointed because of how bad I let myself get, but now it has motivated me to get up and get more fit because working out inside is not doing much.

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This is awesome! I hope you do continue to jog. You'll feel better and you'll get fit, too.

Agent_Violet said:

blah.<--- that's my contribution to the world today

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Hope you're feeling okay!

dottie said:

the only reason i have anyone's respect right now is because i am doing something i hate (day job). monday-friday i am a robot slave, not my own person, depressed. i am a vessel for someone else to make lots of money while i slave in an uncomfortable environment with no freedom to get up or take care of things i need to. no health care. making peanuts. then the weekend comes and for a moment i am myself again. for a minute i am happy.

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I have seen that you're always really unhappy with your job. I'm sorry. Do the best you can and hopefully something better comes up for you.

I'm so stressed out and nervous today..

Frustrated. I can't start my new job for a month! (See my post in the Awkward Work Situation thread).
Also, exhausted. On the upside, I'm about to eat some strawberries and I'll now be able to study for my test in class tomorrow.

I feel after 4 years of depression that i can make my life As it was back then but i need so much power to do it. I got it on my mind though and i dont accept depression anymore

Deregister said:

Forget the clutter occassionally - try to start with going outside for walks as well. Then, do it again tomorrow.

I think it's more difficult when you think about your worries in the middle of all the clutter at home.

Go. Think outside the house. Get a change of scenery.

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If only that would be so easy. I have no agoraphobia, however I have a strange hatred to people. It may sounds very strange to others but I'm just jealous of every people outside in the street who's mostly at the same age as me, jealous because they walk with girlfriends, jealous because they are social, jealous because they are not like me at all. And somehow my jealousy is what "feeds" my hatred. My mind is like playing torture games with me, it's telling me "Jesus Christ, I should be just like them right now".
I am not very bad at getting to know new people though at work for example or at uni, but becoming friends with someone that is like impossible for me now.
I f'd up my relations with everyone, I don't speak with anyone, furthermore if it wasn't for me nobody of my acquintances would call me or e-mail me privately for a very long time. This is why I think of getting to know new people would somehow solve my problems faster, because I would have sort of a second chance for life.
Getting into a new "environment" let that be new people or new life situations is hard for me, because in all my life I can count the times I really hanged out with people - on my 2 hands, and I'm 23.
I know I gotta start my social life somehow, because I know it's not right that I'm always depressed like this.

I got stomach cramps, so I'm not feeling all that great. At least I'm home after a long day at work.

So freaking exhausted.

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:

So freaking exhausted.

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You deserve a nice nap. ::

It is too hot! x_x Had some delicious strawberry dessert so that helped a little. Wish we had a swimming pool in the living room.