Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Yeah, the bridal shower actually wasn't THAT bad. Of course with anxiety, we always perceive things to be a million times worse than they usually are. I talked A LOT because relatives kept asking me questions since I haven't seen them in over a year. And lots of hugging and kissing on the cheek. If I get sick this week, I won't be surprised.I have a bridal shower for a friend coming up soon and I'm terrified. The only reason we became friends was because we worked together for three years. From what I understand, the rest of her friends are all bubbly and pretty and blonde and married with kids. I'm going to be the biggest loser virgin there! But I'm just going to go and enjoy hanging out with her. We don't see each other often, so I'm going to try and focus on that.
I have a serious question for you: why does someone have to be the ugliest at any get together that is a majority of women? Why are we always (myself included) comparing and tearing ourselves down because "Kathy" doesn't have cankles and "Susie" has gorgeous hair? Do they have any kind of personality? That has become my measure of a person. I remember watching an interview with Tina Fey and she said that being awkward while growing up forced her to develop a personality and that she hopes her daughters go through that awkward stage as well. I've gotten completely off track here, but don't think of it that way. Go to that party and dazzle them all with your wit and intelligence and kindness.They'll all go home thinking, "damn, I wish I were as funny as **********!" (Because of Tumblr, I know your real name! Hehehehe!)
And I am very jealous. I have not won a single goddamned thing on Tumblr yet!
You're right with your question. I'd love it if I could just stop comparing myself with everyone else. It's awful, I'm very critical to myself about my looks. However, I've always felt even more insignificant to them though because the women on that side really are VERY pretty. Most of them have that nice tan skin, dark hair, and dark eyes, they're petite, and either kind of tall or very short. I got pale skin and blonde hair that very few of them have, but I'm petite and very short. Also quite a few beauty professions run in that family. My grandmother was a model and another cousin on that side is a model as well as a makeup artist. Another even went to Cali. for acting. There's a few more people I can't think of at the moment, but they're all involved with makeup or modeling in some way. Everyone always compliments each other, some much more than others. Even on that side no one's ever really called me "pretty" or "beautiful." Really, most of the words I hear are, "You look just like your dad!" Thanks, I must look like a man.
(not that my dad's bad looking [that didn't sound awkward at all]) Only until recently though have I heard a couple times, "You look like your grandmother." (yes, the model-y one) And even with that, I feel bad because I just don't see it.Compliments or not though, it all lies with my self-hatred, not them. They really are nice people, and I do love them. They're the best family I have ever been around, they're fun and they do care about me.
I have such little confidence in my looks though, I wish so bad there was some way to change. I've tried other approaches (taking pictures of myself, trying positivity lists, etc.) multiple times and it seems like nothing works, so it makes me think something else is going on here. BDD perhaps....?
Sorry, this turned into a rant. I can say though that I do like my personality and I think other people like it too. :] That's always a good thing, right?
