How are you feeling?

lonely_drummer

Well-known member
Feeling refreshed finally, i had a meditation session after i woke up this morning, first time in a long time i had one if those. I went to a pretty low key show lastnight by myself but it was really good, some great bands are brewing in this city.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Feeling refreshed finally, i had a meditation session after i woke up this morning, first time in a long time i had one if those. I went to a pretty low key show lastnight by myself but it was really good, some great bands are brewing in this city.

I'm glad you're feeling refreshed drummer. :)
 

Boby

Well-known member
I'm so ****ing pissed of,why the hell some people are so retarded and hypocritical,and he is even much older than me ,he is around 45 years old but he is so ****ing retarded.:mad:
 

Boby

Well-known member
What's wrong Boby?

One of the lead professors from the project were I work as an assistant is complaining about me nonstop.He things I'm stupid because I can't install an software(it's a stupid software that only works on linux,it's hard as hell to install it) but he tried it earlier himself and couldn't do it.It's so hypocritical ,he expects me to be some kind of genius or something that knows everything when himself is stupid as ****.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
One of the lead professors from the project were I work as an assistant is complaining about me nonstop.He things I'm stupid because I can't install an software(it's a stupid software that only works on linux,it's hard as hell to install it) but he tried it earlier himself and couldn't do it.It's so hypocritical ,he expects me to be some kind of genius or something that knows everything when himself is stupid as ****.
What an idiot! I'm sorry. I hope you don't let him get to you too much.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Its awful when friends change, have you told him that you're getting hurt by him?

Once, and he made up a bunch of excuses. I am going to have another talk if he decides to appear, but I'm not really sure how it's going to turn out.

It takes only a change of speech or a broken promise for me to start distrusting a person. I don't trust this person at the moment. He's broken not just one, but a lot of promises. He's said one thing and done the complete opposite later. I don't know if he realizes how much that hurts.
 

dragonoth

Well-known member
Not sure what I'm feeling but I don't feel that good. I watched an episode of CSI and they had an episode about serious bullying in high school, and it got me thinking about how rubbish I am over facing conflicts from others. If somebody starts on me for whatever reason I just freeze up and I get anxious and irrational inside even though the other person doesn't actually pose a physical threat to me. Now I'm just a little worried that I won't be able to take care of myself or anyone around me if somebody starts something and it gets physical. I should learn how to deal with conflicts in a professional manner face to face.
 

TheGirlInTheCorner

Well-known member
Not sure what I'm feeling but I don't feel that good. I watched an episode of CSI and they had an episode about serious bullying in high school, and it got me thinking about how rubbish I am over facing conflicts from others. If somebody starts on me for whatever reason I just freeze up and I get anxious and irrational inside even though the other person doesn't actually pose a physical threat to me. Now I'm just a little worried that I won't be able to take care of myself or anyone around me if somebody starts something and it gets physical. I should learn how to deal with conflicts in a professional manner face to face.

Conflict management is a useful course that teaches you various techniques including distraction and switching places. I found it an invaluable course and manages to get on with work, but I know other people who have done it out of work x
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Depressed. There were more people at that thing than I thought there would be, and we ended up staying longer than I thought we would, but only because my mom got to talking. I shouldn't be surprised, she melds with people so well, I really wish I inherited that. Instead I just sat pathetically on the side watching everyone talk to each other. My mom introduced me to a couple people, but that's about it. I couldn't say more than a few words the whole time, being there just made me feel sick.

The few people who did talk to me only had comments based on my looks. "Aren't you a little young to be in college?", "You certainly don't look like you're going to college." There was one girl there, she was 14, who immediately came up to me (she's really outgoing) and asked a bit enthusiastically, "How old are you?" I told her my age and all she had to reply was, "Oh." and she ran off.

It's these stupid comments that make me hate myself even more than I do. ::(: I understand when people tell me that being young isn't so bad, that I'll be thankful for it when I'm older. Yeah, that's then. What about now? No one takes you seriously if you're trying to get out there in life, but don't "look the part," if you get what I mean. Why can't people just accept that? Why can't people just stop judging for two seconds, stop stating the obvious, and just talk to me and treat me normally?

Why can't I just accept myself? ::(:
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Depressed. There were more people at that thing than I thought there would be, and we ended up staying longer than I thought we would, but only because my mom got to talking. I shouldn't be surprised, she melds with people so well, I really wish I inherited that. Instead I just sat pathetically on the side watching everyone talk to each other. My mom introduced me to a couple people, but that's about it. I couldn't say more than a few words the whole time, being there just made me feel sick.

The few people who did talk to me only had comments based on my looks. "Aren't you a little young to be in college?", "You certainly don't look like you're going to college." There was one girl there, she was 14, who immediately came up to me (she's really outgoing) and asked a bit enthusiastically, "How old are you?" I told her my age and all she had to reply was, "Oh." and she ran off.

It's these stupid comments that make me hate myself even more than I do. ::(: I understand when people tell me that being young isn't so bad, that I'll be thankful for it when I'm older. Yeah, that's then. What about now? No one takes you seriously if you're trying to get out there in life, but don't "look the part," if you get what I mean. Why can't people just accept that? Why can't people just stop judging for two seconds, stop stating the obvious, and just talk to me and treat me normally?

Why can't I just accept myself? ::(:
I'm sorry, Phoenixx. Don't worry about what anyone says. As long as you're happy in college, that's all that needs to matter. I know it's difficult to ignore others, but you're doing it for you, not them.

I'm feeling a bit nervous. I'm going out today to see a really depressed friend of mine who I haven't seen for at least 2 months. I hope I can get him to open up, but I doubt that'll happen.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I'm sorry, Phoenixx. Don't worry about what anyone says. As long as you're happy in college, that's all that needs to matter. I know it's difficult to ignore others, but you're doing it for you, not them.
^ That's it though. It doesn't matter where I am, I'm not happy with myself as a person and how I look.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Then you and I have something more in common. I'm sorry you feel that way. How do you think you can overcome that?
^ Moving out of here would be a great step. I obviously can't overcome anything while I'm here living with my family and this location being so inconvenient.

I just feel so, so stuck. As much as it kinda scares me, I need to get out on my own completely. I need to live for myself. I need to get a job. And most importantly, I need therapy. Especially during periods like this where I'm constantly trying to pry myself out of a pit of depression. Seven years is just too long to be holding in and hiding your emotions, issues, and thoughts. Part of the reason why I don't tell my parents about these problems is because they have done SO much for me since I was born. (I've had a lot of health issues since day 1 it seems.) Asking for something else from them makes me feel incredibly guilty, and I try my best to avoid asking for money or anything personal. The other couple reasons being a) I don't think either one would understand anything I go through except the depression, and b) My mom and I had a very awful relationship a few years ago (long story; basically verbal abuse from her for 3 - 4 years). It's been mending over the last 2 years, but there are days where I still feel insulted because I'm so sensitive. Even though we've gotten along more, I can't manage to tell her anything personal about me as I still can't bring myself to trust her.

I don't know what to do. At this point I'm willing to just throw my money at the first cheap (or as cheap as I can find/get) apartment I see and attempt to live on my own with no one's, or very little, help. Either way I go, it's either sink or swim.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
^ Moving out of here would be a great step. I obviously can't overcome anything while I'm here living with my family and this location being so inconvenient.

I just feel so, so stuck. As much as it kinda scares me, I need to get out on my own completely. I need to live for myself. I need to get a job. And most importantly, I need therapy. Especially during periods like this where I'm constantly trying to pry myself out of a pit of depression. Seven years is just too long to be holding in and hiding your emotions, issues, and thoughts. Part of the reason why I don't tell my parents about these problems is because they have done SO much for me since I was born. (I've had a lot of health issues since day 1 it seems.) Asking for something else from them makes me feel incredibly guilty, and I try my best to avoid asking for money or anything personal. The other couple reasons being a) I don't think either one would understand anything I go through except the depression, and b) My mom and I had a very awful relationship a few years ago (long story; basically verbal abuse from her for 3 - 4 years). It's been mending over the last 2 years, but there are days where I still feel insulted because I'm so sensitive. Even though we've gotten along more, I can't manage to tell her anything personal about me as I still can't bring myself to trust her.

I don't know what to do. At this point I'm willing to just throw my money at the first cheap (or as cheap as I can find/get) apartment I see and attempt to live on my own with no one's, or very little, help. Either way I go, it's either sink or swim.
I see what you mean. Again, I feel like I'm in a similar boat to you.

Maybe you should just take the plunge and move out. What have you got to lose? It'll be difficult but I'm sure you could handle it. I think I need to do the same thing myself. Move out and live on noodles.

I wish you all the luck, Phoenixx, and if you do fall into these pits, as you so perfectly call them, you can talk to me about them.
 

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
I'm feeling pretty good since my son and I went for a walk at a park that we'd never been to before. It was fun. :D
I'm also a lot more relaxed now that I've gotten the work/school/babysitting situation taken care of. Now my kiddo and I get to spend the next 3 days together (other than the 3 hours I'll be in class tomorrow). I wish I had money to go do something, but we can find free stuff to do.
 

dottie

Well-known member
::(:

Don't want to go to work.

It started off okay, but I'm starting to feel like I've been ousted from the social circle for the most part. A couple coworkers talk to me occasionally, but they aren't playful and talkative with me like they are with each other.

Yesterday I had another incident where a coworker got mad at me, again for something I didn't do on purpose - no one was clear with me what the closing procedure was, and I didn't sweep/mop the floor right away (which apparently should be done first because it takes up a lot of time), which made my coworker angry and she started doing it - slamming chairs on tables loudly, sweeping the floor quickly with an attitude. I wasn't sure how to respond but I just kept calm and asked her if she wanted me to mop, and she said, "Yup." I don't get it. I didn't purposely shirk responsibility, but sometimes no one is clear on what is going on and I get confused easily.

Also - and this is something probably mostly in my own mind, but that doesn't make it any less distressing - the fact that I look so young, especially with my hair back in a hat and unflattering clothes, just makes me feel even more stupid/inadequate. I can't tell if it's in my head or not, but I swear many of my coworkers look at me like I'm pathetic, they sense the social awkwardness and don't want to associate with it, but use it to their advantage when they want to push me around.

I don't think I can take much more of that, if it continues I will have no choice but to quit ::(: I feel really bad most of the time as it is, it would be nice if I could feel I belonged at work, and was treated with respect, but I feel like I'm in high school again. I can't take it. The familiar feeling of being somewhat of an outcast and looked down upon is too much to bear.

I don't know what to do from here. I feel so miserable. Want to stay under my covers and never get up ever again...

i feel you!!!! ugh. how long have you been working there? hang in there! it will get better. there's some quote i saw and liked... it doesn't get easier, you just get stronger. it is a huge challenge to be the new person at work. everyone is scoping you out, trying to figure how you fit into the group, so they are probably whispering to the others and making you feel uncomfortable. if you quit it will be the same thing somewhere else, just a different uniform. be strong. prove to these bastards that they can't get under your skin. no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. sure, you are new, you didn't know. that's ok. now you know. your coworker probably doesn't know what to make of your quietness so she probably lashed out because she feels vulnerable in some way. eventually they will learn that you know your stuff and aren't going anywhere. keep up the good fight.
 
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