Hi Im new AND I HATE MY SOCIAL PHOBIA

My names Jessica,I'm new to this board,glad I found it

I have alot to say SORRY if its all mixed in and random
and sorry if its to long.THANKS if you read it all.


First of all I have had social phobia since I was 10 and I am now 19.It doesn't just go away!I Left the high school I was at in 11th grade and went to a school for people with problems.Most people there were mentally retarded.There were only 9 people in a class room.And four of the people had social anxiety,two of them being me and my sister.
Jumping around now..
I BLUSH to much because I get embarrassed really easily...and then when I blush I feel so stupid.
Ugh
I don't have any friends and I don't talk at work.Im not in college yet.I fear it.I will not give speechesIn high school(at the "normal" high school)I had my dad ask my spanish teacher if I could give my reprt after school.And I did.
Thats how bad I am.
I'm just trying to get my License now.I am so nervous on the road!!It's mostly my anxiety
I HATE MY SOCIAL PHOBIA!
I HATE WHEN MY BOYFRIENDS FRIEND COMES OVER OUR HOUSE.
I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS NOW AND IM STILL AFRAID OF JUST HIS PARENTS.LIKE I HATE VISITING THEM...I DEFF HATE GOING TO ANY OF HIS FAMILY EVENTS!!!I ONLY WENT TO LIKE 3.I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY.I EVEN HATE GOING TO MY OWN FAMILY'S EVENTS.MY EXTENDED FAMILY I NOT CLOSE.I NEVER SEE THEM SO WHEN I DO I GET ALL NERVOUS. BLUSH.

IF I JUST HAD ONE WISH..I WISH THIS WOULD GO AWAY

THERES MORE I COULD WRITE BUT THIS IS LONG.
ID LOVE TO TALK TO OTHERS THAT HAVE SP AND HEAR YOUR STORIES.

MissJess

Lovely to hear from you.

I've thought like this before, so very often in the past. It's a constant battle isn't it?

Like facing an overwhelming powerful force that shatters you, tires you, wont let you live, a wall of anxiety that you want to break down, see clearly again and be yourself in a calm way able to really live your life.

One of the biggest lessons i have learnt over the many years of dealing with and discussing anxiety with so many others is that this battle is taking place on the inside. It really doesn't have much to do with anyone else at all, although it would seem a contradiction to say Social Phobia does not have anything to do with others, in fact, the way we view others depends entirely upon our own mind. Fear and anxiety depend on our mind.

So i would say instead of wishing for this to all go away, wish instead to be able to accept that this is how things currently are. You will find it tough, you will get tongue tied, you will be lost for words, you will blush, you will get nervous.

By wishing to accept these things you stop fighting yourself, you stop blaming yourself, you give in trying so hard so your energy becomes stabilsed in a natural way. Being comfortable around others needs a lot of acceptance, so you need to be able to let go through the anxiety barrier that is surrounding you, keeping you a locked prisoner within your own space.

You will freak out, you will panic, just let go into it, dont fight it, its ok. When that feeling comes and you let go, it's like letting go of barbed wire, you understand that letting go is letting go of your social phobia.

When you let go of the idea that 'You' are an anxious social phobic person yet at the same time accept the anxiety you experience, you will cease to be the person you think you are and your real self, your real nature, will shine through.

When in times where you most feel at peace and feel 'yourself' this is you. When you are anxious, this is not really you at all. You become a watcher of anxiety but not the anxiety itself, so accept its there, allow it there and just take no notice. This way you stop feeding it and it dies.

James

Thank you so much James I never thought of it exactly like this.
So is this all in my head basically??
I know my thoughts are crazy and over exaggeated.
I am pushing my self though.I have my road test in June
and I have a job where I talk on the phone.
Its just I still have my sp. At my work I started a new shift today..and Today the boss pulled me and the oter two new ppl and when he stared at me and was asking me a question i got embarrassed even if there were only two other ppl in the room.I knew I blushed.But I am still doing better.

"So is this all in my head basically?? I know my thoughts are crazy and over exaggeated. "

Everyone you know has a pretty uncontrolled mind. This may sound like an exaggerated statement but how many people have complete control over their minds?

This does not mean however that people cannot behave rationally or make correct decisions etc, the point is that there is somthing wrong with our minds, and that includes everyone. No one is really very happy because they have no peace of mind and do not fully understand the connection between peace of mind and happiness.

When we become the masters of our mind instead of being its slave, we cease to have crazy thoughts. Until then, we will experience a mind that runs uncontrollably dominating our experience, mostly by anxiety. This is the experience of so many throughout humanity.

James