Help with a Crush?

Myself

Active member
I've had a crush on this guy at my school since December 2008, when we were doing our Mock GCSE Exams, as our History classes were merged for Year 11.

At first I just thought he was eyecandy, but I saw that he was a really cool and smart guy on top of that, and I seen him mess around, it was like I fell in love with him, and have been that way for months. He's pretty much the first crush I've had.

I've never really spoken to him much in person, and I occassionally speak to him on MSN (where he seems distant because we're not close at all), and I have him on Facebook so we're on the "acquaintance" line. One of the classes we're taking in September is going to the same, so I'm wondering if anyone can give me tips on getting close to him, because even if it doesn't work out, I'd like to become good friends with him.

Answers appreciated. :D
 

overcome.

Well-known member
maybe just make a bit of an effort come sept to speak to him more, and before then too. us guys aren't stupid, if someone keeps making an effort, we're going to know a girl likes us a bit :)

what's the worst that could happen? you two don't hit it off, but develop a bit of a friendship in the mean time.
 

doesit

Well-known member
light a candle and a guy gonna see it from a mile away :D in other words flirt send love messages and stuff like that :) just dont play mind games where u like a guy next day ur pretending to not know him,coz it wont get u anywhere.
 

iamthenra

Well-known member
Most definitely don't play games... If it were me, and someone wanted my attentions.. You would almost have to club me over the head and tell me directly that you liked me... So for some guys like me, you have to tell them how much you like them and so on and so forth... That might explain why I have never had a girl friend either... So better yet, don't listen to me! LOL
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Myself

Active member
Thank you for the answers, people. =D

Well, from what u wrote im not really sure what he see's u as, a friend or maybe something more. But defonitely talk to him more!! defonitely

It'd be a really good idea if u speak to him more in ur classes in september.

And ehhh like uv said he's some eyecandy so itd be a waste not to even become friends with him!! haha
Lol. Well, I'm not sure either, but it's definitely acquaintances if anything. I never really speak to him in person, never hung out with him, but I talk to him on MSN sometimes. I try not to do it too much (as tempted as I get) because I don't wanna come across as annoying or compulsive or obvious.

maybe just make a bit of an effort come sept to speak to him more, and before then too. us guys aren't stupid, if someone keeps making an effort, we're going to know a girl likes us a bit

what's the worst that could happen? you two don't hit it off, but develop a bit of a friendship in the mean time.
Lol, that is very true.
Come to think of it, I should speak to him more beforehand.. although I don't have much contact with him besides MSN, so I'll start there.

light a candle and a guy gonna see it from a mile away in other words flirt send love messages and stuff like that just dont play mind games where u like a guy next day ur pretending to not know him,coz it wont get u anywhere.
Lol, well I never play games with anyone. Although if I have, it was probably accidental.

Most definitely don't play games... If it were me, and someone wanted my attentions.. You would almost have to club me over the head and tell me directly that you liked me... So for some guys like me, you have to tell them how much you like them and so on and so forth... That might explain why I have never had a girl friend either... So better yet, don't listen to me! LOL
Well, I'm not obvious anyway. xD

I had a bad reputation in secondary school.. I was bullied by quite a few people, I'm confused to whether he knows it or not, but it doesn't seem like he does, and I'm too nerve racked to ask.. although it shouldn't matter.
 
I don't like to sound cynical but this is just a crush and nothing good is going to come out of it. -- That's how crushes usually turn out. But of course you're not gonna believe what I'm gonna tell you. Some things have to be learend from experience

And the worst thing is to do is to try to be friends with him, because who are you kidding, you don't really want to be just friends right? This is what's gonna happen when you try to be friends with ur crush - here's my semi-personal experience:

YOu like him so much more than he likes you. You think about him a lot. If one day he looks at you and smiles, you know he's just being friendly but at night you just can't stop thinking about it; you'd over-analyse every signal, you'd fantasize about telling him your feelings for him, while your hugging ur pillow, and you can't fall asleep.Even if, somehow, you do get the courage to ask him out, and he accepts, this is still not gonna work out. You're obviously way ahead of him. To you, he's the onlyh thing you want; he is a big part of your life and you don't know what you'd be like without him. To him, you're just a friend; he knows you like him a lot and he thinks it's creepy and repulsive. it's a recipe for disaster

Often times it hurts much less to never have had something at all, than it does to have something and then lose it.

But again, you have to experience it yourself to find out.
 

overcome.

Well-known member
lol... however much some of that may be a reality. there's no need to just bring somebody's hope down like that, i felt kinda bad after reading that, and i'm not even the one with the crush.

the idea of this site surely is to offer support to those who have similar situations going on and offer help to problems we also suffer from on a daily basis. negativity isn't a good thing, why not let somebody have a little bit of hope for something they'd like to achieve. pfff...
 

Myself

Active member
lol... however much some of that may be a reality. there's no need to just bring somebody's hope down like that, i felt kinda bad after reading that, and i'm not even the one with the crush.

the idea of this site surely is to offer support to those who have similar situations going on and offer help to problems we also suffer from on a daily basis. negativity isn't a good thing, why not let somebody have a little bit of hope for something they'd like to achieve. pfff...
Lol, well you know, thanks. But to be honest, I do appreciate peoples honesty. Even if its negative/cynical. It's better to be realistic than sugar-coated. Both helps. :)


I don't like to sound cynical but this is just a crush and nothing good is going to come out of it. -- That's how crushes usually turn out. But of course you're not gonna believe what I'm gonna tell you. Some things have to be learend from experience

And the worst thing is to do is to try to be friends with him, because who are you kidding, you don't really want to be just friends right? This is what's gonna happen when you try to be friends with ur crush - here's my semi-personal experience:

YOu like him so much more than he likes you. You think about him a lot. If one day he looks at you and smiles, you know he's just being friendly but at night you just can't stop thinking about it; you'd over-analyse every signal, you'd fantasize about telling him your feelings for him, while your hugging ur pillow, and you can't fall asleep.Even if, somehow, you do get the courage to ask him out, and he accepts, this is still not gonna work out. You're obviously way ahead of him. To you, he's the onlyh thing you want; he is a big part of your life and you don't know what you'd be like without him. To him, you're just a friend; he knows you like him a lot and he thinks it's creepy and repulsive. it's a recipe for disaster

Often times it hurts much less to never have had something at all, than it does to have something and then lose it.

But again, you have to experience it yourself to find out.
Lol. Well I believe in trying to persue it first rather than try to forget about it, even if it ends up as a flat failure, it's better than wondering years later "what if?".
.
But that does sound like how I feel, I do overthink and over-analyse signals, and I've often thought of confessing it to him, but I know that would be a very bad mistake. But in the end, I know it's because I have great feelings for him, whilst he views me as just another acquaintance (so far at least).

And the thing about friends... yeah, that's quite true now that I think of it. But I'd rather be actual friends with him than nothing at all/mere acquantances. There'd still be this feeling of closeness, although my number one wish in the situation would to go out with him.. even if it was for one good month, I'd feel fulfilled about the whole thing. But becoming good friends would be awesome, too.
 
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I'm sorry that I was blunt. But that is how I feel about this, and I admit that I have some strong opinions because of my personal experience - it really hurt me at the time. That's why I said what I said.

I should add that it's not wrong to have these feelings. Everyone experience crushes and it is a part of human nature. and, Myself, you're absolutely right. You have to go for it. because you will beat yourself up about it if you didn't even try.

This is one of those things in life where you'll regret it if you didn't do it, but you'll regret it more if you did lol... but hey, everyone's situation is different, and I'm just generalizing based on my own
 

overcome.

Well-known member
This is one of those things in life where you'll regret it if you didn't do it, but you'll regret it more if you did lol... but hey, everyone's situation is different, and I'm just generalizing based on my own

regret? another good way of thinking of a regret more positively is a learning experience. do i regret trying to persue two crushes i had from college in the past two years? no, not one bit. i ended up in relationships both of them, one of which i had a strong passionatire love for, another i enjoyed having fun with. i experienced a lot of fun with both of them overall, even though one in particular ended in heartbreak... it's a life experience, i wouldn't change it for anything.

this life is for living ;) great times...
 

Myself

Active member
I'm sorry that I was blunt. But that is how I feel about this, and I admit that I have some strong opinions because of my personal experience - it really hurt me at the time. That's why I said what I said.

I should add that it's not wrong to have these feelings. Everyone experience crushes and it is a part of human nature. and, Myself, you're absolutely right. You have to go for it. because you will beat yourself up about it if you didn't even try.

This is one of those things in life where you'll regret it if you didn't do it, but you'll regret it more if you did lol... but hey, everyone's situation is different, and I'm just generalizing based on my own
Mhm. I know that crushes don't work out most of the time, but sometimes they do, even if it's rare, it's motivation enough for me. I'm not desperate for his love and attention, I'd kinda like to see his personality better at first hand rather than base it off our few measly conversations on MSN and how he is with his other close friends. It's not as if he asked me out right now I'd say say yes.

I've never had a crush before, really. I've seen hot guys, and nice guys, and both hot and nice guys, but I've usually forgot about them within a day. So I can't really say it's happened before, and I'm 16, most people have their first crushes around 12-13, or younger,

Thanks, though. :)
 
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regret? another good way of thinking of a regret more positively is a learning experience. do i regret trying to persue two crushes i had from college in the past two years? no, not one bit. i ended up in relationships both of them, one of which i had a strong passionatire love for, another i enjoyed having fun with. i experienced a lot of fun with both of them overall, even though one in particular ended in heartbreak... it's a life experience, i wouldn't change it for anything.

this life is for living ;) great times...

I'm curious: did you have SA while this happened? and how did you meet them / talk to them? I'm in college myself and I could really use some advice in meeting new people / girls. I think people are not very talkative during class; they're busy taking notes most of the time. Do you just go sit beside them and start making small talk?
 

Myself

Active member
I don't know how relevant this would be to the situation, but the guy I like is not someone considered a "hottie" (only 2 girls I've spoke to agree with me on his looks, others have just said "meh.."). He's only had two girlfriends in the past, and his recent one broke up with him in May, and I've noticed lately he's been wanting a girlfriend because of the stuff he's been putting on his Facebook, like on a Living Social question, one of the five things he wants is a "girlfriend", and he's been taking loads of crush/love quizzes.

He never speaks to me first in real-life or on MSN, I speak to him first (that is on MSN), and I'm often overly anxious and end up getting mindblocks when talking to him, he never seems to carry conversations, so I do, thus I end up asking loads of questions. I don't think he's analytical, but I asked him what he thought of me (yes I know it's such a stupid question but I couldn't help it) and he said "I can't judge ya, really, I ain't spoken to you in person much". I was more happy to hear that than "you're okay", "you're cool" etc.
 

overcome.

Well-known member
I'm curious: did you have SA while this happened? and how did you meet them / talk to them? I'm in college myself and I could really use some advice in meeting new people / girls. I think people are not very talkative during class; they're busy taking notes most of the time. Do you just go sit beside them and start making small talk?

i suffer from general anxiety, not particularly social, and i suffer now from agoraphobia. i'm now 18, i started college at 16, and had my first girlfriend at 17. it was a girl i'd seen around college who i felt strongly attracted to, and i could tell she felt that attraction too. so very much out of character (due to anxiety) i added her myspace which i'd seen before. we got speaking online, saw eachother round college a few times and said hello while passing in the halls. we got to know eachother better, eventually deciding to meet up. anxiety-wise it was hard, but because of how i felt about her i persisted and made myself meet up with her several times, going on a few dates to different places. it was summer love at it's finest, my first true love.

i'm actually good at speaking to people, i'll make a good effort if i feel that they share that same feeling of wanting to talk, of course no matter who you are, you won't hit it off with everybody. with the girl i was talking about, we didn't share any classes, we were almost complete opposites. i played sports and was part of a sports class, she played in a band and studied science and maths. opposites do attract.

an easy way to get speaking to people is through comment interest or mutual friends. whether it be in person, or online. i could write tonnes of things, i'll say i'm no expert but i could do my best. if you have any further questions or anything specific to ask, i'd be happy to answer :) hope this was at least a slight help.
 
Yeah I like reading about your experience. I like positive stories in general since I do find them inspiring. So thanks for sharing.

and Myself, sorry for hijacking your thread =P
 
U

Unregistered23456

Guest
If you like the guy all you have to do is show it. Go talk to him and if he is into you he will do most of the work. All you have to do is make the first contact.
 

overcome.

Well-known member
Yeah I like reading about your experience. I like positive stories in general since I do find them inspiring. So thanks for sharing.

anytime! i'm glad i could help even slightly or maybe give that little bit of inspiration, because i agree that stories can be very positive to read.
 

Myself

Active member
an easy way to get speaking to people is through comment interest or mutual friends. whether it be in person, or online. i could write tonnes of things, i'll say i'm no expert but i could do my best. if you have any further questions or anything specific to ask, i'd be happy to answer :) hope this was at least a slight help.
Even if that wasn't directed at me per se, it's nice advice. Haha. But online? That sounds good.. but some people (like my dude) aren't easy to get close to online. Not that I speak to him much on it, anywayy.
 
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