HATE having social phobia......

Hi people, Im new to this site, just thought id come on and have a moan as Im feeling super pissed off today.
Ive had social phobia for 11 years, since I was 15, along with depression and borderline personality disorder. I just feel so isolated. My anxiety is with me everywhere I go, and the only place I do go now is to bring my son to school each day and pick him up, his school is a 10 minute walk from my home and this short journey is like mental torture each day. I broke down in tears today when I thought back to when I was 13/14 and could go everywhere and do everything by myself, I cant believe there was ever a time when I didnt have this horrible disorder, and I really feel like its never going to leave me, I cant see me ever being the way I was, and this thought makes me feel so hopeless about the rest of my life. Also, being Borderline means my moods/emotions change rapidly, one minute i love someone and the next I can switch to hating them over miniscule things, im impulsive and say/do inappropriate things and offend/upset people, to name but afew- so, if I happen to make friends, I tend to lose them even faster. Ive totally given up on finding a happy relationship with a guy, as I dont even know myself, how can I expect someone else to know me. Life just feels so hopeless at the moment.
 

Krista

Well-known member
I have a question, if you don't mind me answering. Does your son live with you and if so is it hard to care for him sometimes because of how you're feeling?
 
Hi Krista,
No, I dont mind u asking that. Yes, it can be hard looking after my 6 yr old son at times, being the way I am. I cant take him out to places that id like to, I cant do anything with him really. Some days when my nerves are very bad Im terribly irritable with him and just have no patience- this causes me to feel enormous guilt, which in turn makes my depression arise again. Luckily, I have my dad who helps me so much, he has my son every weekend and has done since he was a baby, so he is a huge support to me, I wouldnt have been able to do it without my dad.
 
Hi people, Im new to this site, just thought id come on and have a moan as Im feeling super pissed off today.
Ive had social phobia for 11 years, since I was 15, along with depression and borderline personality disorder. I just feel so isolated. My anxiety is with me everywhere I go, and the only place I do go now is to bring my son to school each day and pick him up, his school is a 10 minute walk from my home and this short journey is like mental torture each day. I broke down in tears today when I thought back to when I was 13/14 and could go everywhere and do everything by myself, I cant believe there was ever a time when I didnt have this horrible disorder, and I really feel like its never going to leave me, I cant see me ever being the way I was, and this thought makes me feel so hopeless about the rest of my life. Also, being Borderline means my moods/emotions change rapidly, one minute i love someone and the next I can switch to hating them over miniscule things, im impulsive and say/do inappropriate things and offend/upset people, to name but afew- so, if I happen to make friends, I tend to lose them even faster. Ive totally given up on finding a happy relationship with a guy, as I dont even know myself, how can I expect someone else to know me. Life just feels so hopeless at the moment.

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine the pain you must feel. I've had social phobia since i was born. I would only talk to my twin sister and we isolated ourselves but to have been a normal person without social phobia is something I've wondered about and I've wondered what it must feel like but for it have been snatched away from you must be tough. Saying to keep fighting on doesn't feel like the right thing to say, because I know how hard it can be and I wish i could say something more to help. But when I feel down I do something I love around the house like cooking. I hope it helps, if not I'm sorry. Also when I feel down about SA I go to this site. :) finding out I'm not alone makes me feel like I can go on and I see you've already taken the initiative to vent out on here, that's a good start
 
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