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Old 1 Week Ago
JK17's Avatar
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Greetings everyone. My name is Jade and I am 29 years old and identify as non-binary. I have suffered from chronic pain and illnesses since I was born due to genetic birth defects, although from the outside you couldn't really tell. My insides are pretty screwed up, and I'm not trying to be graphic here!
I know and have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, as well as seasonal anxiety disorder, especially since I live up in the mountains of southern California where the winter season has limited light hours.
I have a myriad of things wrong with me, but can't get help from doctors, mostly because these conditions are incurable and the treatments only cause more harm than help. I have been cooped up in this house for all of my life. It started to go down hill by the age of 10, but since I turned 18 I've been out of the house a handful of times for the past 11 years...
And as if that isn't bad enough, I have a religious family (currently live with my parents) who calls me evil because I identify as non-binary and like girls. *shrugs* If I wasn't ill I would have been kicked out, but I would have left home anyway...
I am currently going insane and struggling to keep going on as I've literally been by myself and cooped up in a small space for year and years. I don't have any friends in RL and even online I can't get them to stick for long. I have one online friend who I've been friends with for over 6 years and only because they are like me, lots of health problems and anxiety issues, OCD, but they are able to get out and work and are desperately trying to meet people. And I worry that since they are struggling and out there, how the hell am I going to. Most of the popular who live up in the mountains are religious or very rich and wouldn't want anything to do with me. I'm unemployed and have no money (other than what my dad gives me on occasion). I just doubt I'll meet anyone on this mountain, secondly, living up here in this altitude has made my health worse and I'm always super tired and sleep, yet I can't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time. Online dating isn't what it seems, and usually people are searching for others who can work and don't have health or mental/anxiety issues. So I'm hanging by a thread and every night for the past several months I want to give up because I'm alone and always have been. This family I was born into hate me and I've always kept to myself and out of the way, but I still get bullied and told "you are sinning against god" "you are evil" "you are going to hell". *shrugs* I'm in a toxic and unsafe environment, but can't get out. I don't drive, afraid of being in cars and government aid won't help because I can't get a doctor to sign me as officially disabled, yet tell me I won't last with a job O_o
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Old 1 Week Ago
FountainandFairfax's Avatar
I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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I'm sorry about your situation, JK.

Welcome to the site.
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Old 1 Week Ago
JK17's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I'm sorry about your situation, JK.

Welcome to the site.
Thanks, I really appreciate words
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Old 4 Days Ago
closethomosape's Avatar
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Welcome, JK17. I think you should see if there are any distant relatives who would be willing to house you. It's hard enough to love yourself with just your internal voice saying otherwise, but to have immediate family members saying stuff like that is even harder. I think moving out of that situation would be the first big step. But, that's just my opinion. I hope you find your way. Don't give up!
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Old 1 Hour Ago
kuurt's Avatar
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What does non-binary mean?
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