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Old 09-12-2017
JK17's Avatar
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Greetings everyone. My name is Jade and I am 29 years old and identify as non-binary. I have suffered from chronic pain and illnesses since I was born due to genetic birth defects, although from the outside you couldn't really tell. My insides are pretty screwed up, and I'm not trying to be graphic here!
I know and have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, as well as seasonal anxiety disorder, especially since I live up in the mountains of southern California where the winter season has limited light hours.
I have a myriad of things wrong with me, but can't get help from doctors, mostly because these conditions are incurable and the treatments only cause more harm than help. I have been cooped up in this house for all of my life. It started to go down hill by the age of 10, but since I turned 18 I've been out of the house a handful of times for the past 11 years...
And as if that isn't bad enough, I have a religious family (currently live with my parents) who calls me evil because I identify as non-binary and like girls. *shrugs* If I wasn't ill I would have been kicked out, but I would have left home anyway...
I am currently going insane and struggling to keep going on as I've literally been by myself and cooped up in a small space for year and years. I don't have any friends in RL and even online I can't get them to stick for long. I have one online friend who I've been friends with for over 6 years and only because they are like me, lots of health problems and anxiety issues, OCD, but they are able to get out and work and are desperately trying to meet people. And I worry that since they are struggling and out there, how the hell am I going to. Most of the popular who live up in the mountains are religious or very rich and wouldn't want anything to do with me. I'm unemployed and have no money (other than what my dad gives me on occasion). I just doubt I'll meet anyone on this mountain, secondly, living up here in this altitude has made my health worse and I'm always super tired and sleep, yet I can't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time. Online dating isn't what it seems, and usually people are searching for others who can work and don't have health or mental/anxiety issues. So I'm hanging by a thread and every night for the past several months I want to give up because I'm alone and always have been. This family I was born into hate me and I've always kept to myself and out of the way, but I still get bullied and told "you are sinning against god" "you are evil" "you are going to hell". *shrugs* I'm in a toxic and unsafe environment, but can't get out. I don't drive, afraid of being in cars and government aid won't help because I can't get a doctor to sign me as officially disabled, yet tell me I won't last with a job O_o
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Old 09-12-2017
FountainandFairfax's Avatar
I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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I'm sorry about your situation, JK.

Welcome to the site.
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Old 09-13-2017
JK17's Avatar
Newbie User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I'm sorry about your situation, JK.

Welcome to the site.
Thanks, I really appreciate words
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Old 09-15-2017
closethomosape's Avatar
Newbie User
 

Welcome, JK17. I think you should see if there are any distant relatives who would be willing to house you. It's hard enough to love yourself with just your internal voice saying otherwise, but to have immediate family members saying stuff like that is even harder. I think moving out of that situation would be the first big step. But, that's just my opinion. I hope you find your way. Don't give up!
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Old 09-20-2017
kuurt's Avatar
Newbie User
 

What does non-binary mean?
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Old 09-22-2017
cappatown420's Avatar
Newbie User
 

Hopefully you will connect with some of the people here.
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Old 09-23-2017
Ads7800's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Hello JK17.

Sorry to hear of your difficulties and hope you are okay in amongst it all. It would be great if there is some way you could get alternative accommodation with support. But I'm not really aware of the US community services model.

Glad you've reached out to everyone at SPW. There are understanding people you could make friends with here.

Wishing you well.
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Old 09-25-2017
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by JK17 View Post
Greetings everyone. My name is Jade and I am 29 years old and identify as non-binary. I have suffered from chronic pain and illnesses since I was born due to genetic birth defects, although from the outside you couldn't really tell. My insides are pretty screwed up, and I'm not trying to be graphic here!
I know and have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, as well as seasonal anxiety disorder, especially since I live up in the mountains of southern California where the winter season has limited light hours.
I have a myriad of things wrong with me, but can't get help from doctors, mostly because these conditions are incurable and the treatments only cause more harm than help. I have been cooped up in this house for all of my life. It started to go down hill by the age of 10, but since I turned 18 I've been out of the house a handful of times for the past 11 years...
And as if that isn't bad enough, I have a religious family (currently live with my parents) who calls me evil because I identify as non-binary and like girls. *shrugs* If I wasn't ill I would have been kicked out, but I would have left home anyway...
I am currently going insane and struggling to keep going on as I've literally been by myself and cooped up in a small space for year and years. I don't have any friends in RL and even online I can't get them to stick for long. I have one online friend who I've been friends with for over 6 years and only because they are like me, lots of health problems and anxiety issues, OCD, but they are able to get out and work and are desperately trying to meet people. And I worry that since they are struggling and out there, how the hell am I going to. Most of the popular who live up in the mountains are religious or very rich and wouldn't want anything to do with me. I'm unemployed and have no money (other than what my dad gives me on occasion). I just doubt I'll meet anyone on this mountain, secondly, living up here in this altitude has made my health worse and I'm always super tired and sleep, yet I can't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time. Online dating isn't what it seems, and usually people are searching for others who can work and don't have health or mental/anxiety issues. So I'm hanging by a thread and every night for the past several months I want to give up because I'm alone and always have been. This family I was born into hate me and I've always kept to myself and out of the way, but I still get bullied and told "you are sinning against god" "you are evil" "you are going to hell". *shrugs* I'm in a toxic and unsafe environment, but can't get out. I don't drive, afraid of being in cars and government aid won't help because I can't get a doctor to sign me as officially disabled, yet tell me I won't last with a job O_o
Welcome to the community!
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