from friends to girlfriend & boyfriend now.. but does he truely llike me??

grapevine

Well-known member
I know this is a looooong post. I cant help my insecurities. I just want to try to find out if this guy is truely into me or not. Like that film- he's not that into you.. I guess I want some perspectives before I go ahead and actually start to get close with this guy Ive liked for ages now.


If anyone has ever read any of my posts at all, they will know that I would nearly always write about this guy from my work. I will call him 'Rugs'.
I was so into him at work but would just act like a friend and we would joke around or I would avoid him.

He has schizophrenia and would go from times where he could just avoid you and have no emotion- to times he was kinda flirting with me but I was never sure.

For 6 months last year I started to fall for him. Others at work Im sure could see it- the same age and quite similar in mental health issues, same sense of humor.
Yet, I could never read him. And then later, thought I was not good enough.

He asked me out on new years the start of this year- and I thought it was a date- I still dont know what that was. Im a bit scared to ask. We went back to his place, watched some films and then I slept on his couch. I thought he didnt like me. Or like I was a guy or something. It was a bit hurtful. And then I remember all these blonde women he had posted on facebook- all sorts of barbie model women that he would love the way they looked, all on his posts.

And I go all into a BDD mode and tried to bleach my hair- ruined my hair and spiralled out into ocd. My hair ended up breaking alot and wasnt exactly blonde just lightened alot. I remember him at work getting excited at me looking like he was liking it - and then proposed going out for tea and a film again. But then the next day turned me down for money wise. For ages he would shrug me off ag work- I thought we were friends because I had been over his house and stuff. But I felt just completely ignored an forgotten for so long after anytime I went out with him as a friend. I think maybe he just thought he had to have money to do that- that he just didnt have the enthusiasm perhaps. But it hurt me. The first time he asked me out as a friend was new years and he paid for my meal for me- I for sure thought it was a date, but I then it wasnt? idk

SO of course I just felt like Im not good enough, he doesnt like how I look- not attracted to me. And that belief lead me down such a very (and still) severe body dysmorphia and depression. Where I noticed that other people believed the same about me- that I wasnt attractive at all. And it hurt, because I had done so much to change that. I lost so much weight and wearing fashionable clothes etc.

So anyway, when he got put off from work because they couldnt afford him anymore. I messaged him telling him how sorry I was. And that lead to me coming over again. And then again, and again. Watching films and having a fun talking and stuff. Then a few weeks back, we were sitting on the couch together sharing a blanket - as friends and laughing hard at some film at the same time.. it was romantic in ways. I remember feeling that. But thinking he is not into me. Almost like a Dawson and Joey movie night.

Then a week later- we talk again online and he tells me he is not into the things he is normally into. SO I ask him whats up, what does he want- and he says a girlfriend and that he is getting old and just wants a girlfriend and all that. I tell him that anything is possible. Then he asks me about that sort of thing- I tell him that I was hurt in my past, but Im starting to want those things now. Then he asks me to date him. Says he really likes me, says he likes my heart, my kindness and that I am very different from the other girls he dated as they were mean. I then say that he is not physically attracted to me- and he has that he is- that I have a hot little body. Said that its nothing about wanting to get with me or anything- but that he generally really likes me.

The next day, because I had said yes I would try it and go slow.. his whole facebook page had changed. A nice photo of him with arms spread out at the beach and a beach background photo- where as before it was all about heavy metal and stuff ( pictures of model he photoshopped himself with).

And so we have been going out for over a week now and been intimate a bit. But I just feel like he doesnt like how I look ( my face). I told him yesterday that does he just like me because he likes the idea of a girlfriend and just likes my body and just out of convience. And he was nice and supportive to me said no. But he said I could be a quite a sp unkie little chick as I grow some confidence... ( I mean what is that suppose to mean?)..

its just little things that get to me and my bdd- that tell me that he doesnt like how I look- my face- that I am not pretty to him -even when I think I look pretty sometimes. That he is not going to say Im pretty or beautiful.. and that is what I want from a boyfriend.

I mean I think he likes me and I think its growing. He had told me when he was asking me out that I had grown on him.... see that is kind of an insult too - like I was just never thought as pretty or beautiful or what ever idk.

And then last night he said that we need to dress better. Im like- wearing up to date winter fashion though so idk.

I really like him, have feelings for him and he is really making an effort to be there for me. But can he like me and not like how I look- like I dont think I am hideous looking- I used to be called pretty all the time- but now I dont get anything. Noone ever says I look nice anymore.

I want to be able to have the confidence to look pretty in the mirror and go about my relationship feeling like that - but I just dont think he likes my face - idk- it could be my bdd? I do hide it alot. It just seems that when Ive had confidence, its not been seen too. And he did say to me the other night that I should dye my hair blonde, that he loves blonde hair on women, - to I said that I dont change for anyone. And said he wouldnt ask me to- thats its all fine.

When I mentioned my bdd to him and my photophobia it made me feel like taking a selfie and showing him. When I showed him, he said- 'all good' and that i should do another smiling. Which I didnt bother. He told me that being with him would give me confidence and that he takes good photos and could make me look really hot.

Its just that when he was on fb before he asked me out he would put cartoons of pictures with eyes popping out because of certain way some girl looked in a photo . And also before the first time he asked me out- he said that he couldnt get past the most beautiful woman that he had dated back in 03' but was a horrible person. And that was why he couldnt go after anyone else - or something. That he doesnt follow anyone. I remember that upset me- made me feel like I wasnt worthy because of how I looked- but it was never actually directed at me. But he recently asked me to look up all his ex girlfriends (3) and how horrible they were.

He just seems so very solid on spending his days with me and no one else.

See, he seems very serious on me, wants a fresh start and to take it slowly. He is very loyal everyday messaging me. I mean, what do I do? Do I just go with it, my feelings for him and his feelings for me- but be insecure about him not liking my face- or is that me? I jsut feel like he sees me as less than other girls that even on my best face- like when I worked with him- when I saw my pretty face and was confident- he didnt see that. Maybe he never will?
Its very hard to feel good with someone when you think they think your face isnt pretty- when that person is your boyfriend. Its like a cancer. Its like bdd.

Does he like how I look or doesnt and doesnt care?
 
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zharl

Well-known member
Hmm...dealing with other people besides yourself is tough, since it adds that extra layer of uncertainty. Also, hi Grapevine, I don't believe we've ever really talked before!

I want to give you advice, but I'll resist the temptation, since I'm not sure you're looking for advice.

I will say this: while I haven't experienced BDD, I'm fairly well-versed in feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. In short, while I can't fully understand everything you're going through, but I empathize. I hope that your boyfriend is sincere in his reassurances and I hope that he is kind and truly does like you for you.

Best of luck!
 
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