Freaking out..

Sooo... I have a hard time showing emotions in front of family. Does anyone else have that? Christmas/Thanksgiving are so hard because you're forced to be social and go to large gatherings. It's been okay so far this year. Christmas morning wasn't that bad. Me, my mom, and two sisters. Then I had my moms parents Xmas lunch, and that was kinda hard. I didn't get up from the couch, not even to eat. But tonight is the worst of them all. Me and my dad do not talk at all, and this is his parents family dinner. And this year he got me a present, so I can't just completely ignore him as usual. The biggest thing that makes me uncomfortable/anxious around my family is that I'm gay, and that I'm not so comfortable acting myself around them... I'm too scared. My dad and his parents are the only people in the family that don't know, which makes it that much more awkward. It's the huge elephant in the room. Thanksgiving is hard enough, but with Christmas there's gifts so I can't just sit on the couch. We have to open presents one at a time in front of everyone. So basically you're sitting there opening your present while everyone watches you in silence. It's horrible!!!! And I have to try SOOO hard to act happy. I don't know what to do... I don't want to go, but I still live at home (I'm 18) and my mom treats me like a baby and says I have to. Even though she knows how hard it is for me to be around them. I just don't know what to do, and I'm so nervous/scared/anxious.

I apologize for writing such a long personal post, but I didn't know what else to do, and needed to get it off my chest.

Does your dad live with you too? Or is he constantly away on business trips? Just trying to figure out how your whole family knows you're gay, but not you're dad. Families are usually horrible at keeping secrets.

sorry to hear you and you dad dont get on or talk ..... but he did get you a present , maybe hes trying to build a few bridges with you , i mean wishing you 2 were closer ..must be as hard for him as it is you not talking to eachother .... that cant be nice for the both of you .. dont worry about the long post , thats what this site is for , hey we all need to talk sometimes

I have exactly the same problem as you do (and I'm also 18). Christmas this year was probably the worst so far but i found that going to the bathroom and just sit down and relax at times when my anxiety was the worst to help me tremendously. Thank god it's only once a year though..

In real life I can be as emotionless as a rock. I don't have that problem online though, or at least it's not as severe as in real life.

Do you think if you could come out to everyone, do you think that may end your social anxiety? anotherwords..do you have S.A. because you feel you have to keep this secret from certain people? How do you feel around your friends, do they know?

Anubis said:

Does your dad live with you too? Or is he constantly away on business trips? Just trying to figure out how your whole family knows you're gay, but not you're dad. Families are usually horrible at keeping secrets.

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My dad left in either 2001. And ever since then, he hasn't come around much. So the only time I see him is at these family get-togethers. He was pretty horrible growing, and I have no interest in talking to him again. So yeah, it's really awkward/uncomfortable.

Thanks for the replies, you guys. I lived through it! The worst part is always the anticipation, but it was still bad. Bleh

Fliken said:

I have exactly the same problem as you do (and I'm also 18). Christmas this year was probably the worst so far but i found that going to the bathroom and just sit down and relax at times when my anxiety was the worst to help me tremendously. Thank god it's only once a year though..

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Yeah, I do the same thing. But sometimes, it's really hard to get myself to leave the bathroom and go back out to where everyone is. Lol