first moment

i can only speak for myself, in my experience with SP it's onset was at the start of puberty like most times but i was just wondering if anyone can remember that first moment when you felt awkward, or embarrassed and thought, "this is new".

i can remember being in seventh grade and being called on which before was never a problem but then i was just so embarrassed. and one time i was in sunday school and even in front of just five really close friends, i just couldn't speak up anymore, it was so weird.

As far as I know, I've always had SP. Even when I was in kindergarten I can remember always hiding up the back of the class so the other kids couldn't see me. In grade one I remember being scared to death when I had to get up and talk in front of the class. It's all I've ever really known.

You know, I've never really tried to pinpoint the exact moment when I first noticed it. Back in 7th grade I had to present something in spanish class. Just as you said, before this it had never been a problem. Even after that, my SP didn't really kick in for a couple years. Things slowly started to change inside of me though. All my problems I have now seem to stem from that one experience. I just remember looking around at the class and thinking, "are they judging me?" and "oh man, those girls just laughed, they must be laughing at me." Thoughts I have frequently now, but at the time they were new and strange.

I think i became a drug user (poly) and with that i kept away from people. It was a big change. let's say that of 10 peoples i used to talk to, it was reduced to 4 or 3. to say an example. Some peoples i used to talk a lot and be my friends next thing i know i have no more interest on them. So i can kind of pinpoint my "decay". Suddenly i felt akward cause i was thinkin different than them, wasnt intereted on their topics anymore. So i kept just a few peeps.

I don't know when it started for me either. I've laways been shy although at primary school I was quite confident out of lessons, and one of the more well known people. I suppose it got worse at secondary school

mine started when i was 9 i had to give a talk in assembly, in front of about 200 kids. i wasn't really bothered about it however the moment i started to give the talk my legs shook uncontrollably. Before that i had been a confident child, done loads of school plays etc, with no problems. i don't know waht was different about that day but from that moment on i developed a huge fear about being watched by others, eating to the point of eating or drinking in front of friends.

Yea, I remember mine. I was in about year 8, just outside the science block, my French teacher, Mrs Claydon, was talking to me about something, and she was standing directly in front of me, looking straight at me, and for some reason I just couldn’t look her in the eye, and I went all inward and self conscious…I remember finding it really confusing. I’m sure I experienced SA before that, but that’s the earliest I can remember.

i guess i can remember when it started because i used to be a really confident kid. i used to get up every sunday in church and sing by myself, accapella (sp? without music). i did the whole play thing too...[/quote]

i know exactly what u mean. i can pinpoint it to an exact monet too. i was 13/14 in yr 9 at secondary school. i had always loved drama and found that although i was quite shy, in dramma i could do anything and i just loved it getting into all these different characters. i was thinkig about being an actor and dreamed about the fun id have. but one lesson i istood up and i just couldnt do it. i was scared because i had lost it. i had lost teh ability to show myself and gained a new fear.it was horrible and i knew the performance was crap. ever since then i was aware of it and have been ever since.

*thinks*
mine was...a day at the start of year 9..i was 13...just moved into a new class..and i was sitting in the room..with my friend and we all had to stand up, say our names and something about us..and my voice broke and i cudnt remember my name, or anyhtng about me..and its got progressively worse since then..but i think i had SA before that..but i dunno

I was quite brash as a child, a high achiever in school and sports, so i had a pretty healthy ego distracting me. Now i look back on it, the symptoms were pretty much always there. I was never in the "in" crowd, and had a few best friends but mostly acquaintances.

I never had to do many speeches in class, although i remember feeling 'funny' whenever i did. I couldn't really understand it, cos i was always quite confident. But I really began to notice that I had a problem on the transition to high school.

The few friends i had went to different high schools, I was all alone! I walked around the schoool grounds during recess and lunch time, watching all the kids making new friends and playing, feeling very alone and depressed.

Thankfully this lasted only a few weeks, when i was suddenly yanked out and sent to a selective high school after a position opened up there. On my first day, one of the kids there "took me under his wing" and helped me integrate into a group of good people.

Finding a GF there, I fell madly in love, which delayed me again noticing that i had a problem. It wasn't until about year 10 or 11, when i started smoking pot, that it came to the fore. I remember the exact time aswell, i'd been smoking the whole weekend and I remember being at school the following monday and feeling very different. My brashness turned to anxiousness, and people noticed. My sheltered little cocoon was smashed.

My GF and i drifted apart and i slipped further into the alcohol and drug culture to the point where I was injecting heroin. It took years to finally break out and realise i had to stop. Its been a few years since i've touched anything but the SP has still persisted.

P.S that was very cathartic, my thanks to the orginal poster!

Parttimer said:

P.S that was very cathartic, my thanks to the orginal poster!

Click to expand...

Indeed. (mine's fourth reply)
I think I know how you feel about suddenly feeling different. like you went on vacations for years and came back and your friends are the same but you are not. but it can happen in one week when you are introducing yourself to that lifestyle.(drugs)

Also kind of cathartic. good thread.

I don't know the exact time and place but I do recall that during my first year of high school I started to change. I started getting 'lazy'. I preferred to stay home and watch TV than go and hang out with my friends or kids from school. Prior to that I was always out playing and sometimes wouldn't come home until dinner time. I was never the 'popular' one in primary school but I always had someone to play with, I got along with everyone and was friendly with everyone. I usually just had one best friend and wasn't really interested in having any more than that. I think I was more easy going when I was younger. I wasn't really outgoing but just more carefree. I put on weight that year as well as I wasn't very active and i was eating loads of rubbish. I used to be so skinny and I haven't been that skinny since.
I have just got progressively worse since then. All through high school I barely went out and the same when I left, just shutting myself away. I think that if SP isn't picked up and dealt with early enough then it does just get worse and worse as you get into the habit of being that way.If it is identified as a youngster I think that you have a better chance of nipping it in the bud before it becomes engrained in your psyche.

I'm not sure when it all started for me although I think I was born with it because I have always always been an extremely shy person. If I look back at my primary school report cards, there is always one prevalent comment from my teachers - ie. "Nicole is a pleasure to work with however she is very quiet", etc. etc. I would always dread having to get up in front of the class to give a presentation and I still now loathe being the centre of attention, not that that happens much because I try to avoid it at all costs!