feels like i'm going crazy!

cat

New member
Help!

I have had social phobia for as long as I can remember (in my late teens). Now i'm in my late twenties and my denial of this disease has finally made me feel like i'm going nuts! I'm so nervous and self-conscious around strangers that i tend to just avoid getting out into the world. I just feel safe in my house where i don't feel like i'm being scrutinised. I'm not close to my family so I can't feel like i can talk to them. besides, i think they're the reason why i have this disease. My mother constantly ridiculed me when i was growing up. She always put me down and made fun of me in front of other family members that i didn't have friends. I was a naturally shy girl, but she made it even worse. Instead of reassuring me, she made me feel less than other people. I resent her until now and barely have any contact with her. I don't know how to overcome this lack of self-esteem. I am afraid to get too close to people in case they hurt me. I have been told by others to take a chance and plunge in and not everyone is like my mother. But i can't seem to believe it. I'm so used to being a loner, I don't know how else to be. I'm supposed to be starting a new job tomorrow but I don't think i'll be turning up. I'm too petrified!! I have had opportunites like these before but I can't seem to commit. it's too scary! Imagine meeting all those people. Finding this website has been a godsend. I hope somebody out there can lend support and give me some advice.

Thanks
 

Johno

Well-known member
Social phobia

Hi Cat,

I can totally relate to what you said (all of it). When I was at my worst I through in a career that I loved. Then I went from job to job always finding excuses and reasons for quitting, rather than admitting I couldn't function around people. Eventually at the age of 29 I was diagnosed with social anxiety. Since then things have improved and I see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. I am also involved with a support group called Connect. I intend to give Uni another try soon. At least I know what is wrong with me now and that others also suffer from this. I don't know if you are getting treatment or not. I know that most states in Australia have some support groups and also run workshops. I did a workshop here in Adelaide and found it very beneficial. I also made some like minded friends. Check out this web site to see what support is in your area. www.socialanxietyassist.com.au

All the best
John
 

neddy

Well-known member
Hi Cat, your story sounds so much like mine, I have been a loner since I was 13, have got no friends and have been shy and introverted for as long as I can remember. My mum used to always make a big issue about me being shy which made me feel worse instead of trying to encourage me to overcome it, I too have gone from job to job and found I tended to find jobs where I was able to work alone like cleaning, or very early morning jobs like being a cook in a donut shop and going home as soon as the morning girl arrived at 8.30 this worked for a long time but I found that the more I isolated myself the worse I got. Give your job a go, you have got nothing to lose and the time will come where you will have to learn to stand on your own two feet.

I am actually doing a job which I thought I could never do, 4 years ago I started driving taxis, fair enough I work by myself but it involves driving the public around. When I first started this job I was terrified, too scared and nervous to even say Hello to people when they got into the taxi, I hid this behind my smile and they had no idea how I was feeling. I now really enjoy this job, even though I am seriously lacking in social skills (I also avoid social situations like you) I am slowly improving. I have been hurt alot in the past by people but through this job I have realised that not everyone is the same and there are alot of really nice people out there.

Trust me when I say that if you really want to overcome this the day will come where you will seek help whether it is with a support group or with a good doctor. Taking the first step and seeking help is the hardest step to take but once you have done it and getting help you will wonder why you waited so long as life is too short to waste time. I have missed out on many opportunitys over the last 23 years and I really regret now but it wasnt until I found this site that I realised what my problem was and now I'm doing anything to try and overcome it.

Hope you decided to turn up for your job, if you did give it month to be fair to yourself as it usually takes that long to learn the job and settle in. Good luck
 

cat

New member
thanks for the response.....

hi johno and neddy

thanks for responding to my message. it feels good to have people understand what i'm going through. i went to the social anxiety website and found it informative. i guess i now have to find courage to join a support group. i wanted to tackle my social anxiety years ago but i always found ways to avoid it. i just didn't want to believe that i had it until now at the ripe old age of 29. it feels like i have already wasted 10 years of my life. what would be the best to do? in your opinion, do u think it would be better to seek a therapist first or join a support group?

careerwise, i did not go to that new job. i sort of decided on the weekend that i couldn't take it. this time though it wasn't just my anxiety but the pay was actually too low for my liking. i want to get a better job that pays a bit more than award rates. in the past, i would have just settled for a low paying job but i don't want to do that anymore. i'm halfway through a university degree (through correspondence) and i feel that i deserve better.

my dream job at the moment is to be a travel consultant. god! imagine i have to meet people in a daily basis. but i really want to become one so i'm trying to get into a course (this time i'll be in a classroom full of people. yikes!!). I think as i'm getting older, i am realizing that i need to be less frightened but it doesn't change the fact that i still suffer from this disease.
 

Jess333

Well-known member
Re: thanks for the response.....

Cat,

I would be careful to be so quick to call it a disease. Let's just say for me, I've had SA for a long time and I have figured out why I have felt social anxiety and am taking steps to overcome it. You can do it too. When you call it a disease, it's like you're labeling yourself sick and uncurable, like you're stuck with it forever. All social anxiety is, is low self-esteem and pessimism. You downtalk yourself and think you are not as worthy as other people are. You need to hook up with a good pscyhologist that will HELP YOU change this view of yourself and the world, you don't necessarily even need meds, but I did, but now I'm not on anything and I feel great. Then, you need to work on actively improving your self-esteem and keep ing your thoughts positive. Read some books on SAnxiety..you'll see a recurring theme in all of them, even in the BEST and latest social anxiety therapies that you pay for...they're all about improving self esteem and your thinking patterns. Trust me, you need to work on your self-esteem, learning how to change your thinking from negative entrenched to positive, and once you start feeling more positive and happy, all the sudden you will feel naturally gregarious and outgoing.

If i'm thinking negatively about myself and life, I feel anxious and nervous as hell. If i'm actively controlling mythoughts, and keep reality checking myself..I start to slowly calm down and feel peace...then my thoughts become more positive and POOF i'm in a great mood and can talk to anyone and have fun and be gregarious, but if i don't change my thoughts, I continue to shake in my boots. It's amazing how your habits and patterns of thoughts can CHANGE YOUR WHOLE WORLD! It's powerful, and if you follow this path i explained, you'll see what i'm talking about.

Take care.

Jess




cat said:
hi johno and neddy

thanks for responding to my message. it feels good to have people understand what i'm going through. i went to the social anxiety website and found it informative. i guess i now have to find courage to join a support group. i wanted to tackle my social anxiety years ago but i always found ways to avoid it. i just didn't want to believe that i had it until now at the ripe old age of 29. it feels like i have already wasted 10 years of my life. what would be the best to do? in your opinion, do u think it would be better to seek a therapist first or join a support group?

careerwise, i did not go to that new job. i sort of decided on the weekend that i couldn't take it. this time though it wasn't just my anxiety but the pay was actually too low for my liking. i want to get a better job that pays a bit more than award rates. in the past, i would have just settled for a low paying job but i don't want to do that anymore. i'm halfway through a university degree (through correspondence) and i feel that i deserve better.

my dream job at the moment is to be a travel consultant. god! imagine i have to meet people in a daily basis. but i really want to become one so i'm trying to get into a course (this time i'll be in a classroom full of people. yikes!!). I think as i'm getting older, i am realizing that i need to be less frightened but it doesn't change the fact that i still suffer from this disease.
 

neddy

Well-known member
Cat, how did you go, did you end up going to therapy or joining a support group. Its up to you to decide which one you are capable of doing first. If you go to a support group are you able to walk into a room full of strangers and talk about your problems. I went to a support group for depression and it took me almost 4 to 5 weeks to feel comfortable and say something, at first all I would do was listen but if you see a therapist you can talk to them one on one until you are ready. Don't worry I am older than you and have wasted the last 23 years, have only just now realised what my problem is. Now all I want is to get better
 

Flax

Active member
Doing the new job will be good for you in the long run. I sell things and I was freaking out before I started doing the job. I wanted to know everything about my job and all the details so I wouldn't look inexperienced when I was helping a customer. That's what made me the most nervous is that I wouldn't get proper training and I'd look like an ass in front of all the customers. I have very good co-workers and they're all very cool and helpful. I suppose they are one of the reasons I'm still working there. Now that I've had the job for a while I admit there have been many customers that treated me like crap, but there have been just as many that have been very nice. All of these experiences have really had a good effect on my anxiety as I'm not as worried about new faces.
Has anyone been told to shutup and that your talking too much jokingly? I hate when people do that. They act like it's the first time I've heard such a clever joke. Now whenever it happens I can't even force a fake smile. :?
 

Orlando

Well-known member
Good for you, Cat.

You sound very motivated to change your life! We'll be here to support you!

:D :D :D
 
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