Feeling so bad with myself

ana0989

Active member
Hi everyone.

Well, the reason for writting this is mainly to unburden myself, as I can't do it in current life because I don't find anyone who I can trust in enough to tell my struggles.

I feel really bad because I don't work like most people do and I feel so useless right now.
I'd love to have a stable job and have a life of my own, but I can't. I've given private English lessons to some students who came home, I'm a graduated English translator but I couldn't find a job as a translator and now I'm not even interested in doing that anymore. Maybe because the lack of work on that area made me lose interest in it as I couldn't put it into practice.

So I devoted myself to help students with their English lessons at school at different levels or even from superior levels such as terciary level or from the university. Although it was really difficult for me at the time, I felt really bad and anxious, I could manage to do it somehow and that helped me to earn money on my own, which made me feel better with myself.

But now the students are not coming anymore. This year (because of a combination of factors I think) the number of students has been much lower and so I have a lot of free time. And that makes me feel almost desperate because I feel useless and empty.

I tried to think about what other things I can do, I tried to think about other kind of jobs I could do. But the fact is that I feel paralysed by fear when I think about that because I have no experience in anything and I have no idea what to do exactly. And if I'm not sure about something, I don't do it.

What really bothers me is having to deal with this anxiety ALL te time, and also the fact of feeling weaker than most people. I feel overwhelmed by the littlest things and my level of tolerance is significantly much lower than the majority of people, which makes me wonder, how am I gonna do to resist in a job if I can't tolerate pressure for more than an hour or something like that?
I don't know if I'll have the chance to run away easily and that is justso terrifying to me.

I feel more pressure everytime and as time passes I feel more desperate. What really disturbs me of this adult life is that it seems not to be enough that you feel like a shit most of the time in your daily life, but now you must also to take care of yourself alone and the best way you can. If you can. I don't know if I can do that.

Don't you feel that "normal people" are like natural survivors of life, that they seem to be much more prepared to deal with life problems than you? And that you are like a three year old-child who cannot live for himself? Well, I feel that way.

Sorry, I just needed to express myself, I didn't mean to be negative, but I felt the need to let the worst side of me go.

Thank you
 
Last edited:

Lionhearted

Well-known member
From what I know, it's the existential anxiety, that's responsible for the 'what are you doing in life?' questions to pop up in our mind. It can be really annoying, and most of the time, it causes me to get depressed as well(migraines, to be precise).

But you have to understand that 'normal people' also have to deal with these problems. It just seems so from the point of view of ourselves. Most of the time, I've found that people were actually dealing with problems which they face in life, in such a manner that they faced many more difficulties than me - which was of course, unexpected, as I thought I was the only one who was having problems in the first place.

Just think of it like this: Depression always offers a small window for self-realisation. Always use that window of opportunity to learn about yourself, and just try your best in avoiding the negative thoughts which constantly makes you fall into an even deeper pit of depression.

From experience, I can tell that there is always a period of 'relief' after depression, in which you can actually learn to cope with the problem that you were facing before. One of the most impressive capabilities which a person can develop from depression, is understanding and patience. At least so I've discovered so far.

After coping with the depression, you would be able to cope with the other problems more easily. Although it seems hard to understand at times, I re-emphasise the need to understand that other people do face problems. It's the manner of coping, that's different. And it doesn't mean that the manner of coping adopted by others is bad/inappropriate.

I'm sure that you could find a lot of relief after speaking about such things to someone who is perhaps interested in the same things as you are? It would be a nice idea to start with just a single person, as that would help you deal with the pressure you feel from others.

Good luck :thumbup:
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
Some people will be more sensitive than others. Some people have thicker skin, whereas others are affected by pretty much everything (a cloud in the sky makes you feel bummed that it's not 100% sunny, a car not stopping to let you cross the road will ruin the next few hours, etc). The more anxiety you have, the more you wish you were somewhere/someone else, regardless of where you are.

The more you let your anxiety win, the worse it'll be when you actually get out there. My advice is: if you're tutoring less people than before, maybe place more ads and use social media (Facebook pages for high schools near you, and so on). And whenever you want to do something and feel terrified of doing it, don't let your mind drivel on and on; put your shoes on and go.
 
Top