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Old 04-16-2018
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So I'm 29 years old, from the UK, work on a family run farm and I'm at a moment of my life where I feel fed up, and wondering if I can get advice.

I feel stuck and carrying on living the same cycle every year, and the thought of doing this till I get old scares me.
Doing the same job cycle on the farm, doing a job because that I'm been brought up to beleive I should do.
Nights on my tablet, on the xbox playing video games and watching YouTube are my only entertainment.
I'll be 30 in Autumn and that's scary! Unlike most people my age, I'm somewhat like a teenager in an adult's body, still having trouble so******ing, fitting in and keeping a conversation. Still helping on the farm which is now joint but untrusted to do some things like with farm machinery, because I easily do mistakes.


One of my dreams and things I've always wanted to do for years and years was to travel, go backpacking, volunteering, work abroad like a working holiday in Canada or New Zealand, which is from 18-31 (and I'm nearly 30)

I just like to get out there and do something different and enjoyable. Enjoy being young, since I never had a really enjoyable youth.

Get out of my comfort zone, get out from my habits of intrusive thoughts from the past.

But I never had the confidence to push myself to do it. Just attempting to tell my mom I'm going to book a train ticket to Scotland or even attempting to do it makes me nervous, like I'm being pushed back mentally.

It's hard to go for it, being away to the lifestyle I'm used to. My comfort zone.

I've tried some online CBT, but it never helped much. It helps as small advice on coping with anxiety.

As much as it' my dream, I don't know if this is an unrealistic and silly idea wanting to travel?
Especially with responsibilities of helping on the farm.

As much as I like to travel and get out there, would it help with my social anxiety, GAD and mild depression?
I don't know if I'll like those places in the end, whether I'll like people, sometimes I find too much social interaction tiring and like time alone, but when alone, I hate being alone for a long time.

I have never asked anyone for a job, only been asked by neighbours if I can help them.

I don't know where to start, I can speak some Spanish, taught myself for a few years thinking I could go, and just like learning languages, can speak a bit of French and German.. but never gone out to Europe alone.

Would it be a good idea to book for Europe and see if I like it, then go further afield? Or should I start in the UK or ireland first? Or actually take the risk and go for the longer term?

As for affording to travel, I got enough savings in my ISA...like a kind of savings you keep in your bank till you get old...would it be stupid to spend some of it?

I only been abroad to the USA to visit relatives with my mom. So I been on a plane before.

I keep getting reminded by my mom that they're getting old, that I should take more responsibility on the farm.
That I should be lucky I don't have to go out and look for a job, like other people.

She doesn't like to hear me suggesting to sell or rent the place. Knowing my dad would start worrying about the farm again.
She thinks I can't look after myself sometimes. I mentioned I wanted to go to Europe a few years ago now, I, mentioned a few of my classmates have done it, but it's always ok for them, because they are going with friends.
Although I have money and savings, I haven't got much coming in.

They don't understand me, nor my anxiety and feelings anyways. They think I'm incompetent most of the time.

My dad is now in his 70s and is always complaining how farming doesn't pay, that you spend more than you get in and the only thing keeping it going is government grants for wildlife conservation,( like fencing, which I prefer than the majority work with livestock.).

It gets even more depressing hearing him moan or complain about the animals when something goes wrong. Yet like most old farmers around here, they don't want to retire and do nothing and move to town.

If they sell up, everyone, including the guy renting a house we own on the other farm would have to move, and so much complicating stuff including selling it.
I feel guilty aswell.

Lambing season now, and it's quite bad, due to a very bad wet and gloomy winter and not much food. No matter how hard you try, disappointment and death comes round the corner, some live some die, although more have died this year.

The weather here is gloomy most of the time and that's enough to make me feel fed up of it all.

Soon it will be shearing time, I'm dreading having to shear, I've gone bored of it, it's tiring, especially climbing the mountains to get some of them all for 40pence per wool.

I always wonder why bother doing this all?
Living this life.

If I was to go out, do what I want to do, who would look after the farm?
It's already in a joint partnership.
Would it be selfish to let my dad do all the work? To give up on a farm that's been passed on for generations and try something different? Even just go out for a few months away from it all?


I fear bad things happening to them, they're getting old now.

I don't know what I'd like to do, I don't have much qualifications.
I was replastering a wall with the help of YouTube lately and currently repainting a house of my aunt. To be honest, I quite enjoy things like that than farming.

Would an employer let me work for them, like apprentice or handyman, or like training or would I need to get to college again If I'd like to go out and do jobs like this?

Am I just being lazy not wanting to do certain work on the farm and selfish thinking like this?
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I don't think you're being selfish. While wanting to help your parents is, indeed, a noble and selfless thing, you also have to remember that you have your own life to live as well. It is your life and you will be the one to bear the consequences of living it, not anyone else. People can want you to do any number of things, but you can, and sometimes should, just say "No."

But, do look around online to see if there are any apprenticeship programs that you can do in a field that you do enjoy. You can also try to save up some money so that you can travel around to the places that you want to. If you want to go to a place that you don't know the language of so well, then it would do you some good to study up.

Truly though, you've just got to take the first step. Even if you're knocking your knees in terror, it'll be okay if you just keep walking forward. Things will be okay as long as you keep your wits about you and stay smart and safe. Don't let anyone try to chain you down, especially not with guilt. You've got to do things that'll make you happy sometimes because no one else will do it for you.
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Hey I feel exactly the same way you do. I mean, I know exactly what it feels when you start to worry about getting older. I'm 21 years old but I don't feel like it. I actually feel like a child trapped inside an adult body. That's pretty scary to me!

And I haven't really been given a chance to enjoy my life as a teenager. This never used to bother me when I was younger since I really didn't have much responsibilities at home except for washing dishes and doing laundry. I spent so much of my time playing video games/listening to music that I didn't stop to realize how much of my youth I've been wasting. I'm still wondering myself if I even have a purpose in life.

"No matter how hard you try, disappointment and death comes round the corner, some live some die, although more have died this year."

I also have the same fears about death. I think about it almost every night. Though it's not actually death itself that I'm afraid of. It's the aging process that scares me even more. I fear that the older I get, the more I'm reminded of my youth slipping away. Everyone always tells me "Don't worry. Enjoy your youth while you can, you still have a lot of years left." Well, it's a little too late for that. What's funny is that I could wake up one day and realize that I'm 60 years old, still stuck in the same place. Alright, that's enough ramble...

I know this may sound like crap advice but you could try to talk to your parents about how they make you feel when they disregard your feelings. Tell them you'd like to be able to get out more and try new things.
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I wish you all the best, I been in Canada under working holiday and I'm UK right now to get another life experience and I'd like one day try the same experience in Australia and NZ but I have to admit I'm little scared about it and I don't know why (probably because Australian people looks more social skills in my mind), however, in my hometown people have an awful close mentality and just take a flight is something like "wow effect" and none never understood me, the majority of relatives and neighbours think that I'm weird (it's a step forward because before this experience I always been an ugly loser to avoid for everyone).

I never traveled alone before this experience and I spent years and years in the darkness of my room, no friends at all, never worked before and as you can see I'm not an English native speaker. I can't explain to you where I found the force and mentality to do it. I wanted to show myself that I'm not a loser and for a once in the lifetime I want to feel "normal", that's my personal opinion.

however it's not all black and white, I Canada I got a job in one day and I never believed before that I was ready and good enough to work, in the other side I didn't get any friends or "mates" to do something, so I been alone all the time (except for mates in apartment). At right now I'm in UK I see a lot of beautiful girls but I don't have the idea how to start a conversation, my depression showed up again and internet is the only way to find support because I don't have any friends, zero.

My parents are older too, close to 70s but I think that something must happen doesn't matter where you (I) are, I mean, I'm not a medic and I can't save their life but I love them of course.

As I said I always been a loser and I still feel it, I fall every time in my life in any field of life, but, for the first time in my life my parents are proud of me, they can say at neighbors, relatives and friends that their son is working abroad alone speaking (lol) another language, that people can't say the same thing because in my hometown people born, grow, study, work and die in the same place usually. The people in my hometown believed me a loser for the life and I showed them that I can be normal and more than them, however, people in Canada and UK target me like a "loser" but I don't care anymore.

Last edited by Kenopsia; 04-19-2018 at 11:26 AM.
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Cloud910

I sympathize with you. I worked very briefly on lambing operation in the states, did the whole lambing thing with about 300 sheep total but never had to sheer them. I had to do the worst things like muck jugs, cut tails and ears, take dead sheep to the dump etc..
The man that hired me said "Sheep are born to die" which is so sad and true. Plus, the hard labor didn't pay AT ALL and it was dirty and awful in general and I love animals.
I would say you should really consider getting out and seeing the world as much as you can. You sound like you will find much happiness and fulfillment in adventure and trying new things than your current situation. If your good at fencing and don't dislike all aspects of ranching you could find work at a work/trade program scenario. WWOOF – World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms
There's a lot more ideas I am having to offer but I have to go right now-
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