Eye contact,Eye Phobias,Social Phobias, what should I do?

Eye contact,Eye Phobias,Social Phobias, what should I do?


Q. I am a 28 years old, stout, active young man. I have been possessing a typical problem since five or six years. I cannot speak to anyone with eye contact, irrespective of women and men. I do wish to develop my communication skill but the apathy to speak with others and this eye contact problem serves as a great obstacle. This problem also happens in case of my close relatives, childhood friends and even with my father and own sister with whom I should have no shyness; before that, five or six years ago, I had a normal relationship with them and felt no problem to speak with them. I have tried in different ways since five or six years to come out from this problem but no improvement has not been taken place in me. Sometimes it becomes a terrible shameful fact when I am unable to respond normally with my relatives and friends due to this problem. By the way I have gradually been loosing friends and relatives. Now this becomes high time for me when my marriage will be arranged soon. How will I cope with all my future situations if it is not disappeared. Why this is happening in me? What is the remedy? Please help me, I am in great trouble.

A. From your query it appears as though you are suffering from an anxiety related condition called social phobia. In this condition there is an overwhelming concern about interacting with people and how they will perceive you. There is a fear about how people are going to evaluate you accompanied by a fear of making a fool of oneself.

It is not clear whether you have these concerns but difficulty in making eye contact and gradually losing out on social relationships is one strong indication for the condition. This is a treatable condition and responds very well to counselling. There are many tips and techniques that are taught to help you contain your anxiety. The key factor is however to stop any avoidance because the more you avoid, the worse the condition will become. In some cases anti-anxiety medication may also be prescribed to accelerate the progress. For this you must contact a mental health professional at the earliest.

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write to me at [email protected] if you in China


I read the post again after ten years,and find article was not written by me. i just copyed .
but the symptom is real. i have social phobia. i have eye cotact problem,or i called it eye phobia if i translate the word form chinese into english directlyl.

i can not calm down, be very nervous in front of people, unable to control eyes,.it affects the normal communication, also affects the interpersonal relationship. This kind of symptom cane to me when i'm 18 years old. I sincerely hope to find people with the same symptoms in the world. 2017.4.5

Is this a posting whose intent is to ......

...."make money from the problems of others".....

if so so this is my opinion manipulative.

if it isn't...then I apologise.

I cant tell your motive. Can't read your mind.

in fact i 'm suffering from Social phobias.
what you know?
i can't work every where.
they reject me every where.
no one like me
no one want me to work in their company
so i mmade the forum http://www.jioulang.cn
i think you can understand me!!!!!!!!!

So please undersatand me!

I've heard some words like

----------------------
...."make money from the problems of others".....
if so so this is my opinion manipulative.
if it isn't...then I apologise.
I cant tell your motive. Can't read your mind.
----------------------

Yes.
I think some people misunderstand me again.
In Chinese there's a item of folksay that " Get happy from other's sadness".
But what you konw ?! Also I'm the Social Phobia victim!
It's not just earn money to make this site form others' problems, but really also wish to help those people sinking in the gutter

who are looking up the sky.

Can you taste the pain I'm tasting?
Few people will understand you!
No girl ever loved you!
Or even sometimes you would heard some abuse or insinuative laugh!

So please undersatand me!
I've taken years to learn website making by myself in order to earn money without face to face work with others.
We are suffering from social phobia.
So let belive in each other and join togeter.

I absolutely hope we can get out from social phobia some day.

--The webmaster of http://www.jioulang.cn

SEP.27.2007

I dodn't how many people will understand me.
but my heart will always pure.

Yes , you are not alone, i know there're many persons like us or say like, but.... i can't help.

1 month ago a girl tell me that i'm ugly and i'm not her friend ,...........................

I searched "eye phobia" on the Internet, and found my posting ten years ago. amazing。 I miss you too much.

i can login this site still.

miss you

That's one heck of a password-remembering mind you've got there.

It's cool seeing long time members sticking their head back in the door.

I have the same problem for years. This is a situation that you cant tell anyone. This feeling gives inexplicable pain. My suggestion to all who are experiencing this prblem "be honest to yourself". I think this "confront the problem" shit is about this. To confess yourself why you have this problem.You know the answer.

In my case, averting my eyes is something I do out of fear, shame, and most likely irrational thinking.

We all know of the staring contests that men have with one another. It's a move of egoistic dominance. I played that game for years, but with my present dwindling confidence, I usually just look away immediately or don't at all. I feel hostility in this regard from men, so I avert my eyes to avoid conflict. It's definitely because I don't think I could handle myself if it came to blows, or a shouting match, or suffer the humiliation of losing in public.

With women, attractive ones at least, I look away from their gazes immediately because I feel they can see through me, and see that I'm attracted to them, or ostensibly looking at them like a piece of meat. And it's creepy to know that someone you're not reciprocally attracted to (AKA me) is looking at you this way; I feel shame that they might be thinking that I am thinking grotesque thoughts about them, as if they are sizzling chicken legs on a grill, so I look away.

Speaking to strangers I end up a stuttering, scatterbrained mess, and very frequently look away when I am speaking to them. I have this idea that people have preconceived notions about me on approach. I have a very young face, oftentimes being mistaken for an 18-year-old when I'm actually almost 30. I'm short too, around 5'6. People don't take me seriously and think I'm young and naive without me saying a word. On top of that, I've suffered through abusive relationships, meant to feel worthless and stupid, for the first 20 years of my life, which absolutely does not help me in social situations. These thoughts and memories flow through my mind as I stumble through the most basic and seemingly simplest social interactions.

These are probably flawed modes of thinking, but it's what I default to.

I think what all of these manifestations amount to is a sincere lack of confidence in myself, the foundations of which I'm still trying to understand and nullify.

These examples serve to illustrate one thing: If you're anything like me, I think that you have no confidence in yourself and are therefore unable to make eye contact and interact normally with others because you don't feel worthy enough to. If this is the case, you need to look inward as to why you lack the confidence to look other people in the eye. Why have you developed shame? Or fear? Once you understand the source of those things, I think you might have a clearer insight into why it's hard for you to interact with others.