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Old 09-08-2017
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I don't know where to being this story. I've grown up abut since I've dealt with my first ex. This time I waited until I found the right person and I talked to him everyday and loved him more than anything. I will call him T. So I've used a website before and met my ex there, wanted to give up but found T on there. I fell very much in love with him. I was happy everyday being able to talk to someone who understood me and I got him to open up for the first time to anyone. We Skyped for so many hours everyday. I think of him well I thought as a soulmate.after we met in real life since we only live 30 minutes away or so, we never wanted to be apart so we always spent time together wether it be online or in real life everyday. He was always there for me like a prince. I was his little princess. He bought me a lot of expensive things even though I told him it was okay. I know he loved me so much. I had to leave home though. I was tired of being around my parents. I cried and felt suicidal all the time there. T would come over sometimes and help until I got to the point where I felt more comfortable living and being alone in the dark at night because I knew I always had him to talk to. Well after we moved in last month is when things went down betweetn us. We only were together for 6 months when we moved in. My mom rushed the date and wanted me to leave since she has to sell her house. We were planning to move a few months later. When we moved I kept yelling at him and was stressed about things since I've never done this before. It got to the point. Where I felt suicidal because he kept telling me he would leave if I didn't stop going on the internet. He found out that I had a little problem with stalking people online from my past and still thinks I was talking to my abusive ex even though I showed him proof, I hadn't talked to my ex since before I met T. And I don't want to talk to that ex. Well so I stopped cooking and cleaning for a whisk from being depressed. My landlord tried threatening us to kick us out. She did it so we could start cleaning again she wasn't trying to make us leave but it was a tactic to scare us. So istartwd cleaning again and cooking meals for him everyday. I changed for us to be together still. I did what he wanted me to do and found a job there and went to consoling. Then yesterday he threatens to leave again. Insulted me in front of people and lied to me all day. He was online tlajing to someone he doesn't really know anymore and lives in a different country now, he told me it was a work friend. I knew he was talking to her I'm not dumb.he never has lied to me before. I felt so hurt. He told her I was his ex girlfriend and that I was crazy. I had a concussion after trying to look for him outside and didn't remember who he was. During me being in pain he still was talking to her. Idk why he wanted to leave me, he says he loves me and wanted to so we could be together..
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grapevine (09-09-2017)
Old 09-08-2017
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The lesson I learned from your story is to not fall in love. I'm not sure if that's what the lesson is but it's what I took away.
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Old 09-08-2017
 

Based on what you've written, this guy seems like a low quality person, to be honest. I know it hurts and I'm sorry for what you're going through, but forcing it after everything he's done will just make it worse. It's hard to fully forgive someone and move forward after something like this has happened - trust is broken and resentments are formed (I know from experience).

People like us - the ones with low self esteem, the anxiety ridden, the socially isolated, we're more sensitive to things like this. I feel like we tolerate abuse more so people won't leave or we're just trying to be nice. Then when we lose people (whether it be friends or partners), it hurts worse because we're lonlier than most and are more sensitive.

Based on my recent experience with heartache, I would say focus on the lesson. We go our lives running parallel to others until one day, our paths intersect. Some will intertwine while others are just passing attractions, but each interaction brings with it a gift - a lesson. Whether you realize it or not, in every situation, good or bad you learn something. Personally, I have learned a lot from my previous relationships and have nothing but gratitude for them.

Part of being in a relationship is realizing that they may hurt you and can leave at anytime - this is something we need to accept.
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Hot_Tamale (09-08-2017)
Old 09-09-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah_M View Post
Based on what you've written, this guy seems like a low quality person, to be honest. I know it hurts and I'm sorry for what you're going through, but forcing it after everything he's done will just make it worse. It's hard to fully forgive someone and move forward after something like this has happened - trust is broken and resentments are formed (I know from experience).

People like us - the ones with low self esteem, the anxiety ridden, the socially isolated, we're more sensitive to things like this. I feel like we tolerate abuse more so people won't leave or we're just trying to be nice. Then when we lose people (whether it be friends or partners), it hurts worse because we're lonlier than most and are more sensitive.

Based on my recent experience with heartache, I would say focus on the lesson. We go our lives running parallel to others until one day, our paths intersect. Some will intertwine while others are just passing attractions, but each interaction brings with it a gift - a lesson. Whether you realize it or not, in every situation, good or bad you learn something. Personally, I have learned a lot from my previous relationships and have nothing but gratitude for them.

Part of being in a relationship is realizing that they may hurt you and can leave at anytime - this is something we need to accept.
I found out yesterday that he stopped talking to her after that and only messaged that person because I kept looking at her profile being jealous of someone from his past. He hasn't talked to her again. He also was telling the truth when I got hurt. But still sad he didn't try to help me but I know he doesn't like being around my mom especially after she yelled at him right away. But the insulting me and everything he didn't have to do. But he misses me and still loves me so that's enough for me to happy. Otherwise I'd want to back hurting myself. I think maybe we do belong together. Just not moving in again until I get better. He still wants to try making things work, it will as long as we stay optimistic and want to take cause of our selves first.

Here's what I wrote to him from my heart because I realized the other day that yelling at him saying he didn't do anything while he worked to support us was my fault of how it started. I plan to read this to him when I'm ready.

"I just want to say.. I don't think I'll ever know someone on this planet as special as you. I'm so thankful that I met you that day and you'll always hold a treasure inside of my heart no matter what for pushing your limits just to make me happy. Thank you so much for always being there for me.. I always appreciated how much you cared when I felt like before I had met you no one else would ever love me so much. You truly are the most special person who always made me smile, I know I wouldn't have smiled before. I will always hold you close to me, you did things for me that no one would do. No one would buy me expensive jewelry and took so much time to see if I would like it. No one would ever be there for me as much as you have. I just thank you so much, for always taking care of me when I felt like nothing in the world. You healed my heart when no one else would. You encourage me to be healthy and work out when no one would. You brightened my day everyday we talked and hanged out to never think of hurting myself again when for years I struggled with it. So you'll always be that one special person in the world. I don't think you know how special you are and will be always to me, that's why I tried so hard when you gave me time to change there and I didn't want to give up on my goals or us. I wanted to work hard like you always did at work. You always motivated me from when I first met you. You knew every detail about me that no one else wouldn't care. That I get cold easily. That I was scared of the dark. That I liked sweets a lot. That I was anxious of strangers. That to me means how much you care about me. You are so different from anyone else I've met. I appreciate you so much for being there everyday. I'm glad that I wanted to be with you so much and said yes, I just couldn't say no because I liked you so much just everything about you down to your cute laugh and smile to your kind heart. I've never thought I'd meet someone who loved talking about aliens and cared about animals as much as me. You showed me love. And I will always appreciate that no matter what. That person who lived with you, I felt like that wasn't me anymore because I wouldn't want to ever hurt you or fight with you. and I've never been aggressive like that. I'm sorry I never got help with a professional, I actually wanted to when I started dating you so I could be better for myself and you but I knew my mom wouldn't want to take me then because until now she always believed that my mental health was fine. I didn't want to put you through all of my anxiety and depression problems but you always helped and made me feel loved and happy".
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Old 09-09-2017
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Also I may a disorder about dependency because I'm afraid to be single or alone
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Old 09-09-2017
 

I don't know the whole story because I have only heard your side, so if you truly feel this is the right decision for you, then I wish you the best of luck. I hope things work out for you and your boyfriend. That was a lovely letter you wrote - I can tell it's from the heart and I hope that it's well recieved.
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Old 09-09-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadAngelOfLove View Post
Also I may a disorder about dependency because I'm afraid to be single or alone
Yeah ... i kinda guessed you might have sth like that (no offence) from your letter to him (& your initial post). Again no offense, but you seem to be a tad "obsessive" if that's the right term. Good luck with the therapy.
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Old 09-09-2017
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Yes - its best to try to love yourself first and be okay with being on your own.
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Old 09-09-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah_M View Post
I don't know the whole story because I have only heard your side, so if you truly feel this is the right decision for you, then I wish you the best of luck. I hope things work out for you and your boyfriend. That was a lovely letter you wrote - I can tell it's from the heart and I hope that it's well recieved.
Thank you so much. I tried my best to tell the whole story from my side. I know what I did wrong but he also did some things wrong. I'm not sure anymore though. Even though he told me the past two days he wants things to work between us, he told me something since I thought maybe his mom hates me she said she's glad and likes me wants us to be friends still. Then I got confused because I'm not sure what we are anymore and he isn't either. I just want to start ignoring him so he will think of me more but I'm also afraid of him thinking I won't care about him anymore. I know he still wants to talk to me. So I feel like maybe reading him what I wrote then stop talking for a while so we can take a break and rethink who we are now.
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