doing things i've never done before

dzerklis

Well-known member
hey all,
something very extreme happened to me yesterday i want to share. there is this girl i had been emailing with for a while, we met in a forum related to medicine, and she has low selfesteem and shyness, but not near as bad as mines. couple of days ago i told her i found a web page created by people whose parents were alcoholics, they organize meetings weekly, and that girl told shed like to go there as her parents were alcoholics, we agreed to go there together.
i had never been to any support group before. i expected there will be at least 20-30 people there, sitting in a circle, but actually there were only 4 people, without us two. they all were more or less talkative, none of them had SP, so i felt i didnt fit there but it was ok overall, i had to speak of course, which is NEVER easy for me, but o well i did it. the meeting seemed more like a meeting of people who have middleage crisis, but we with that girl will go there next week as well..
that girl, she was so nice to me, so supportive, she understands all my probs although shes very very talkative and didnt seem shy to me, at all. when i drove her home i thought omg what should i do, what WILL i do, i was soo tense and nervous, my hands were freezing, but when we stopped by her home she took my hand in her hand and said jesus your arm is cold (like i didnt kno lol), and we hugged. when i went home i felt so guilty all the time coz i couldnt be as nice to her as she was to me. i couldnt sleep at night. i decided to phone her (again, its NEVER easy and takes LOTS of guts). so when the morning came i though fck it and phoned and said regular things like what a nice weather was and said i wanted to hear her voice, first i couldnt get it out so there was an uncomfotable silence for a couple of secs, when i said it my voice was so shaky. after that i changed the 'subject' very fast. i dont knoe what will happened further.. its the lack of experience that makes me so veryvery nervous and scared..
i wanted to share it coz i thought maybe this could inspire those of u who have severe SP, like i do, and have never 'been' with girls for more than a few secs..
 

styrka

Active member
hey congratulations!!
you should be proud cuz you were very brave!!!!
as I was reading your story I started to smile, I think it was such a cute story. good luck! you can use this experience as a stepping stone, you survived and you will inspire lots of people. :D
 

Quixote

Well-known member
I have a feeling dzerklis is not being as lucky as it seems. Because what may happen is that one actually falls in love, and then it can be pretty unpleasant when the girl doesn't answer the phone or tells you she is "busy" when you call. Girls do it more often than not, isn't it? They play a little bit with you, but it's nothing more than that, it's fun for ten minutes and then who cares if you can't sleep at night.

But still, it might be different, and I really hope it goes well for you Dzerklis, you sort of polish version of myself :)

PS not exactly the same as myself I must say. I would certainly have managed to come up with something impolite or otherwise off putting exactly two seconds before she would think of giving me a hug, thus fending off the problem. I'm a professional when it comes to missing occasions... :roll:
 

dzerklis

Well-known member
Thank you Styrka and Quixote :)

Quixote said:
They play a little bit with you, but it's nothing more than that, it's fun for ten minutes and then who cares if you can't sleep at night.

honestly, i dont care about it so much, all i think about now is CBT, its become my best friend and my bible. if she cant accept my sp or doesnt like me for who i am, though luck. i dont expect to have a gf now anyway since i cant function in public.. yet :)
 

Quixote

Well-known member
dzerklis said:
honestly, i dont care about it so much,

So you had this experience, first time in your life perhaps (I don't know), this lovely girl giving you a spontaneous romantic hug in the night... BUT "you don't care so much"?!

OK, Terminator-Dzerklis, I guess I had a completely wrong mental picture of your true character :wink:

You will manage it, and good luck again!
 

dzerklis

Well-known member
hehe Quixote :) but aren't we all terminators? personally i've had so much suffering and pain i've become much like a zombie when it comes to relations with people who try to let me down. so if that girl starts avoiding me i'll just swallow it..
 

dzerklis

Well-known member
Quixote said:
what may happen is that one actually falls in love, and then it can be pretty unpleasant when the girl doesn't answer the phone or tells you she is "busy" when you call. Girls do it more often than not, isn't it? They play a little bit with you, but it's nothing more than that, it's fun for ten minutes and then who cares if you can't sleep at night.

that is what is happening now:( it sucks, so much, i feel so miserable now i havent ever felt before, there are other things going on that contribute to my SP, and im so powerless, i got those thoughts again, about ending it all, but the picture of that looks so stupid!!lol that cheered me up a little..
 

Quixote

Well-known member
Well, from past experience I know time does miracles in these matters... it sounds stupid and obvious but just not thinking about it will help immensely in some time. That is, if you can :roll:
 
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