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Old 12-09-2008
tiredofocd's Avatar
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I just hate having people over at my house and it is not that I am a particularly good housekeeper. I keep my house a mess, but I don't like other people in my house, walking through my house and anywhere near my bedrooms. I have a bathroom downstairs that I want people to use and to not use my bathrooms upstairs. In turn I don't use that bathroom at all. I NEVER want people to spend the night. I am always afraid of all the cleaning and washing I will have to do after they leave. I truly hate people in my space. This weekend my husband wants to have his nephew and his girlfriend over to spend the night. I don't want them to dirty up my sheets (I am afraid they will have sex here) and I don't want them taking a shower in my house. This is truly a difficult problem to have and it is destroying my marriage. Does anyone else have this problem?
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Old 12-09-2008
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i feel ok with my mom and brothers and my therapist (she does home visits) coming over. i just do a general tidy up and clean the bathroom and put a cover on the couch, maybe move the couch if we need extra space for whatever... everyone else makes me incredibly uncomfortable! just yesterday, i had maybe 10 min notice that my boyfriend's family would be coming over after we had dinner with them. the home is ok for my family and my therapist cuz they've seen it this way enough. i keep a decently clean home, very little clutter... but when i heard my bf's family was gonna be over and i didn't have a chance to tidy up or anything, i was freaking out on the inside. i started breathing heavy, i got shaky (thankfully it's cold here so i had that excuse), and my mind was going nuts of every little thing they would see and look down on.

when they got here, there weren't enough seats, they ended up sitting behind us b/c we didn't have time to move the couch, there was basically no talking, i tried to offer to put their coats in the closet and they all ignored/didn't hear me and kept them on, the toilet does this splashing thing when you flush so you have to put the cover down and i don't think they did, the elevator in the building is half broken so i was very embarassed, i'm very proud of our xmas tree and it's decorations and they didn't say a word they just looked at it. and they were only there for like 15 mins! so to me, they came up to the apt just to see what it was like and they were putting their nose up to it. the only thing they complimented was the xmas stuff on the front of the door. it has gift wrap covering the door and a few paper decorations as well. but they didn't say shit about the ones inside, like it was tacky or something to them. to me, that was a disaster. i was so happy when they left but then all the SA overanalyzing/obsessing began and i even got a frickin migraine from it.

as for people staying over, only a few select people have. my brothers, my bf's friend who i hate, and my bf's mom. i didn't mind my brothers staying over of course, it just meant we had to watch our language lol. i hate when my bf's friend cons his way into staying over. he's always butting into my convos with my bf no matter what the topic is. my bf's mom was ok too, she goes to bed kinda early tho so we had to go to the bedroom (she slept in the living room) when she went to bed. so it's mostly just an inconvenience. my bf's mom will be living with us one day so i might as well get used to it lol. she's the only one who's showered here.

i always try to keep the bedroom door closed. my brothers rarely see it but they don't care what it's like, my mom is a clutterer so she's certainly not going to care, i don't think my bf's mom has ever been in our bedroom lol, and my bf's friend goes in there rarely. but yeah i don't like anyone except me and my bf in the bedroom, esp since the bedroom is where we put all our extra clutter that we have to "put away" when company comes over... ya know, it's our extra "closet" that gets stuffed to hide all the extra crap lol.

and i'm sorry but that's disgusting the nephew and girlfriend may have sex in your home. that's so disrespectful and just plain gross on so many levels imo. if i were you, i wouldn't want them staying over either!
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Old 12-12-2008
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I had two friends over at my place this weekend. It was actually kinda fun. They were teaching me how to cook.
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Old 12-12-2008
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I used to not like having people over because the house was a mess, but it's all fix up and clean now so i can't use that excuse anymore . I still don't like having people over though. I know my cousin has wanted to visit me for a while, but i'm to embarrassed of my current situation to have her over. So yeah i don't like people over.
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Old 12-13-2008

Nobody has been in my house for about 10 years, and I'll like to keep it that way.

Whatsmore, I used to hate going into other people's houses. For example, for christmas. I would not touch anything in anyone elses house. But supposing they came into my house, they would probably not hesitate to touch everything here. I consider it a personal attack, as strange as that may sound.

Besides, I don't have any friends in the real world, just a few people on the internet and that's all. They live 1000's miles away, so no danger of them turning up on my doorstep, then.
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Old 12-13-2008
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i hate having unannounced visitors! or (because i am living at home like a winner) when my mom invites guests over. i like to be in my robe and scrubs when i am at home but then i feel obligated to clean myself up and make things presentable just to greet them. :roll: can't wait to have my own place.

there are a very select few people i don't mind having over on the rare occasion but there are certain spaces i would rather them not be: my bedroom or around my computer. those are my two escape places.
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Old 12-13-2008

Originally Posted by dottie
there are a very select few people i don't mind having over on the rare occasion but there are certain spaces i would rather them not be: my bedroom or around my computer. those are my two escape places.
I feel so strongly about this, if someone entered my bedroom or used my computer, I would have to either a) entirely refurbish my bedroom and get a new computer, which would be extremely traumatic for me or b) kill the person who entered my room or used my computer. One of these things I would find a lot easier than the other, and I really really hate to think about it.
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Old 12-13-2008

When I was young, like say, 6, it was impossible to have a friend over. I had to call them and talk to them, and then talk to their mother, and their mother had to talk to my mother, and my mother had to talk to their mother, and their mother's mother, etc. Homeland Security would have been proud of our protocol. I suppose that's understandable when you're that young, maybe, i don't know. It seemed like a lot of trouble to go through, especially because the other kids in the neighborhood never seemed to have this problem with their own families. During my teenage years, my unpopularity sorted of prevented that from being a problem, fortunately. Also, my mother kept the house messy, and didn't want any one to see it. She blamed my father, but today, 26 years after he moved out, it's still a mess.

My grandparents seemed to have the right idea; they didn't mind if people just dropped by whenever they wanted, without even calling. I always said to myself, if I ever have a place of my own, this will be my policy. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of friends or a big family in the first place, and nobody who lives conveniently close.

Anyway, I've been working at the same place for eight years, and living in the same place for seven. In that seven years, I've had four visitors. One is my friend who makes "annual" visits when our football team is playing a big game. And about 2 years ago three family members dropped by. But tonight, my boss is having some people from work over to her house for a holiday party. Since she lives near me, I have suggested to certain selected coworkers that if anyone wishes to continue the festivities, they can come over to my place afterwards. So this will be the first time I've had coworkers over to my place for a social event. It's not going to be anything formal, probably just sitting around talking and drinking.

Even though I'm not an extremely social person, I look forward to people visiting me. These are people I feel reasonably comfortable with, and in my job I'm not expected to have great social skills anyway. Also, if someone visits me, I feel like I'm socializing more on my own terms, as opposed to something dictated by social "norms" or someone else's expectations of how people should live. And if someone wants to criticize how I live, or what kind of host I am, it'll be more likely to be fair and informed criticism, based on something I'm actually doing rather than some stereotype. Also, some of the potential visitors are single females, so I'm sort of looking forward to receiving some constructive criticism about my apartment. I plan on playing the "clueless bachelor" angle here in order to encourage helpful pointers. People may be too tired to come over later on, and it might not happen, but at the very least I'll have a reasonably clean apartment, which isn't always the case.
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