Do you think its normal?

Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
I don't know if anyone's the same as me - I've never had a relationship, not even a date, there was always a distance between me and girls, and still I wish there would be someone in my life, more than anything in this world.
Why do I want love so bad if I neved had a girlfriend? Why do I desire something that have never been a part of my life?
On the one hand I was in love for about a month when I was 18, but I just didn't act anything and I was stupid because I didn't even know the girl yet I kissed her on the face everytime I saw her when we met. Then one day she tossed me away and asked me to stop doing it, I know there is no more hope for me.
On the other hand maybe I fantasize so much about love because I see how happy others are even in real life, even in movies, how can it be so easy for them? I think the whole world is a great big conspiracy against me...
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Daniel089 said:
Why do I desire something that have never been a part of my life?
Click to expand...
Perhaps you just answered your own question.

Even though you may be introverted or socially anxious or depressed or whatever else may be going on, we all want to be loved. It's something humans need and knowing someone loves you is a huge and overpowering feeling.

You got rejected when you were 18, but that doesn't mean you're a failure at love as you seem to suggest. You were young, inexperienced, and delving into the unknown. Keep trying and you will get there. :)
 
Ashiene

Ashiene

Well-known member
Daniel089 said:
I don't know if anyone's the same as me - I've never had a relationship, not even a date, there was always a distance between me and girls, and still I wish there would be someone in my life, more than anything in this world.
Why do I want love so bad if I neved had a girlfriend? Why do I desire something that have never been a part of my life?
On the one hand I was in love for about a month when I was 18, but I just didn't act anything and I was stupid because I didn't even know the girl yet I kissed her on the face everytime I saw her when we met. Then one day she tossed me away and asked me to stop doing it, I know there is no more hope for me.
On the other hand maybe I fantasize so much about love because I see how happy others are even in real life, even in movies, how can it be so easy for them? I think the whole world is a great big conspiracy against me...
Click to expand...

I think "normalcy" is based on culture. In Saudi Arabia and other countries ruled by Islamic law, you are forbidden to engage in pre-marriage dating or sex. If you lived there, your perceived "abnormality" would in fact become the norm.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
I'm sorry about your experience Daniel, but I agree with Mikey. If you keep trying you'll definitely get what you want. :)
 
D

dragonoth

Well-known member
Actually love isn't easy. Both parties really need to work at it to make it flourish for years to come (if you're after a long-term thing). A lot of couples who seem so blissfully happy together probably only got together recently when everything is still fluffy and mellow. Several months (or weeks) down the line, it may be a different story. Maybe one or both parties get bored of each other. Maybe they decide they don't want to get serious. Maybe one of them was just in it for the sex. Plenty of reasons.
 
Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
Perhaps you just answered your own question.

Even though you may be introverted or socially anxious or depressed or whatever else may be going on, we all want to be loved. It's something humans need and knowing someone loves you is a huge and overpowering feeling.

You got rejected when you were 18, but that doesn't mean you're a failure at love as you seem to suggest. You were young, inexperienced, and delving into the unknown. Keep trying and you will get there. :)
Click to expand...

I don't know what disorder I have all I know it may be social phobia, because I expect myself to be the best talking partner and the harder I try the more I fail. Because then I usually blush and speak like there's a heavy rock inside my throat.
I don't even have friends who I could hang out with. I know it may not make sense but what I think about love is like - for me being in love in itself is not enough, I got to have a background as well, which includes friends, activities, hobbies, interests. I have some interests but neither of them include meeting people. So for me getting a girlfriend is like a last and toughest step on my "list".
So I don't even know how to begin.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
dragonoth said:
Actually love isn't easy. Both parties really need to work at it to make it flourish for years to come (if you're after a long-term thing). A lot of couples who seem so blissfully happy together probably only got together recently when everything is still fluffy and mellow. Several months (or weeks) down the line, it may be a different story. Maybe one or both parties get bored of each other. Maybe they decide they don't want to get serious. Maybe one of them was just in it for the sex. Plenty of reasons.
Click to expand...
That's true. Making it work long-term, after encountering problems and obstacles, is tricky.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
Daniel089 said:
I don't know what disorder I have all I know it may be social phobia, because I expect myself to be the best talking partner and the harder I try the more I fail. Because then I usually blush and speak like there's a heavy rock inside my throat.
I don't even have friends who I could hang out with. I know it may not make sense but what I think about love is like - for me being in love in itself is not enough, I got to have a background as well, which includes friends, activities, hobbies, interests. I have some interests but neither of them include meeting people. So for me getting a girlfriend is like a last and toughest step on my "list".
So I don't even know how to begin.
Click to expand...
Same with me. Maybe you can try taking small steps like first
doing activities that involves other people, where there's potential to make friends.
 
Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
Even though i don't have crazy adventure memories from high school like others, I don't want one night stand relationships, or just sex partners. I would maybe get addicted to it anyway. I just want to love someone with all my heart. As long as long term mutual love is possible I'm not giving up. My parents know each other for almost 48 years now and it's the most natural thing in the world that they love each other.
 
D

dragonoth

Well-known member
As Srijita suggests, the best way to find someone is to meet and get to know more people. You never know, you might just click with somebody.
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship, or even been on a date. I don't know when or how it will happen, either, because it's so hard for me to talk to and be around people.
 
Ashiene

Ashiene

Well-known member
lyricalliaisons said:
I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship, or even been on a date. I don't know when or how it will happen, either, because it's so hard for me to talk to and be around people.
Click to expand...

Same as for me, except for the age. I'm 23 and I know it's not gonna happen in the near future. Perhaps even never.
 
Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
Ashiene said:
Same as for me, except for the age. I'm 23 and I know it's not gonna happen in the near future. Perhaps even never.
Click to expand...

You know what they say: hope dies last. I'm 23 this year too, I have a weird positiveness ("there'll be time for everything once in the future"), though it mostly goes for my studying, even If I got 3 exams next week and I didn't study a word I tell myself that I'll work something out. As for my social life I'm hoping some kind of therapy might help even a bit. If I don't reach progress in the future (getting to know people, not just girls) I might consider myself registering on a dating site.
 
I

I'm Not There

Well-known member
Daniel089 said:
You know what they say: hope dies last. I'm 23 this year too, I have a weird positiveness ("there'll be time for everything once in the future"), though it mostly goes for my studying, even If I got 3 exams next week and I didn't study a word I tell myself that I'll work something out. As for my social life I'm hoping some kind of therapy might help even a bit. If I don't reach progress in the future (getting to know people, not just girls) I might consider myself registering on a dating site.
Click to expand...

I have tried therapy myself for about 2 years, but I personally don't think it has helped me. I then registered on dating sites, but soon told myself I had to go out there myself and actively look for a gf, friends, etc. I have gone out a bit on my own (which was incredibly difficult) and made some small progress, though I've kinda stopped doing it a month ago. I plan on starting again now that I've got summer holidays. Oh and I'm 22 by the way.
 
takethislife

takethislife

Well-known member
I think the problem is that everyone around you and society in general (at least from where I stand) are pressuring you to have a relationship, because it's considered 'normal' for people your age.
Everyone is an individual and if you still don't have it, you shouldn't be concerned if others do.
Like Ashiene said, "normalcy is based on culture".
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top