Do you feel rage, and blame on those who triggered your Social Phobia?

M

Migy

Member
I can't help but blame my family for my development, that led to the way I am.
Their verbally abusive, aggressive manner, their negative attitudes.

I still feel anger, and blame on someone who betrayed me when I was 12. When I didn't really have friends, he made me feel welcomed in joining his circle, made me feel accepted. But when getting to Middle School, he turned the other way, joined in in calling me duragatory words, making me feel like an outcast, leaving me out in the cold. I feel greatly he was what triggered my SP to develop more. When I think of him I just wanna beat him with my fists, both of our faces bloodied up, but he's weakened and barley able to stand. But I'm still holding him up, punching him again and again, muttering to him "You did this to me, if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be better than I am now. This is your fault."

Doesn't anyone else here still feel blame of those who made them who they are? I come here out of confusion, I'm lost, I need to hear from others like me, now that I know what I have.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
No...

That sort of condemnation of me on their part is precisely what got us into this mess

I would rather not lower myself to their level - it wouldn't help anyway

Besides - holding onto that anger, hurt, and blame would only perpetuate the idea that I am their victim

i would rather not allow them to have that power over me
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Migy said:
I can't help but blame my family for my development, that led to the way I am.
Their verbally abusive, aggressive manner, their negative attitudes.

I still feel anger, and blame on someone who betrayed me when I was 12. When I didn't really have friends, he made me feel welcomed in joining his circle, made me feel accepted. But when getting to Middle School, he turned the other way, joined in in calling me duragatory words, making me feel like an outcast, leaving me out in the cold. I feel greatly he was what triggered my SP to develop more. When I think of him I just wanna beat him with my fists, both of our faces bloodied up, but he's weakened and barley able to stand. But I'm still holding him up, punching him again and again, muttering to him "You did this to me, if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be better than I am now. This is your fault."

Doesn't anyone else here still feel blame of those who made them who they are? I come here out of confusion, I'm lost, I need to hear from others like me, now that I know what I have.
Click to expand...

I'm not really in a mood to give advices but this one is pretty obvious:
I think it's ok to be angry and hateful, but at some point you have to be done with it and start focusing on something that will bring you some peace of mind.
Maybe it's better to get over who's fault it is. In long term, Hate is a waste of your time and energy.
That's my opinion at least.
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
I have had all kinds of people contribute to my social phobia, but I don't feel angry at all of them. Some were just too blind to see what they were doing. It's the people whom continued their excessively negative and harmful behavior even though they knew how much it bothered and scarred me. And still continue doing so, I might add.

Them, I do hate with ever fiber of my being.. Though, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I will forget those people forever after my ties with them are cut. Holding onto hate is very harmful.. You'd benefit if you tried constructively to let it go. Otherwise you might find yourself identifying yourself through the deeds that caused your condition.

You are your own person. With your own good and bad qualities. Social phobia, and as harsh as it may sound, is your problem now. A journey is not defined by its starting location, but by its path and destination. We're here to help you along the way. :3
 
3lefts

3lefts

Well-known member
As quoted from a great man who ruled Rome in it's better times:
"Put from you the belief that 'I have been wronged', and with it will go the feeling. Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears.
What does not corrupt a man himself cannot corrupt his life, nor do him any damage either outwardly or inwardly."
My step brothers used to do a lot to me when I was little. Growing up I wondered if they hadn't would my life be better? Would I be happier? Like you I was a little focused on the let's say, 'need for revenge'. But I've come to believe it only makes matters worse, and that you inevitably let yourself be whatever you are. You make your own choices. So I don't believe it's because of him you have worse social phobia, it's because of the way you chose to react.
However if you have so much pent up emotion, being physical isn't a bad idea, as long as it's not directed at someone. You could get a punching bag or something?
 
WriterChick3

WriterChick3

Well-known member
Yeah ... I think one person has brought out a lot of my anxiety since he practically feeds it. But I don't blame him that much anymore because I know I can get over it and show him all that he's done to me/others won't phase me or stop me from achieving what I want.
But yeah, I have a couple people I blame -- but I choose not to let them bring me down when I could be focusing more on getting better.
 
WriterChick3

WriterChick3

Well-known member
Yeah ... I think one person has brought out a lot of my anxiety since he practically feeds it. But I don't blame him that much anymore because I know I can get over it and show him all that he's done to me/others won't phase me or stop me from achieving what I want.
But yeah, I have a couple people I blame -- but I choose not to let them bring me down when I could be focusing more on getting better.
 
U

UnOccupied

Well-known member
I feel this way ALL the time, towards my father who i believe is the main reason for my SA. With that said, blaiming others will not solve the problem. I learned about a year ago that blaming others for the way you are only makes your problem worse, and keeps you anchored in it. Because after all, others may have started your problem, but you are the ONLY ONE who has the power to change, and no one else.

It took me a while to fully understand this. But, at once i did, that is when i really decided to start to battle and work on overcoming my SA.
 
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