Do people think you're retarded?

dancingintherain

Well-known member
yep, lots. But that is SAD along with hearing problems along with low intelligence that I have.. But I'm not and I know it but many people like my friends friends and tutors speak to me like i'm stupid...
My older brother 'autistic' though.. He can't speak any words etc.
 

Richey

Well-known member
not really but i am assuming they think i am slow because i do often take a lot of time to think about what people are actually saying and what their motives are especially at work but mostly in general these days. If people are converising about a topic i have no knowledge of then it's really difficult for me to contribute anything at all to the conversation, so i can imagine sharpies and socialites probably think i'm a bait slow or perhaps a little autistic in behaviour.
 
Not usually, but there was a customer I had today at work that obviously thought I was retarded without saying it. I'm a cashier, so I started ringing up his purchases, and asked the questions I'm supposed to ask- about whether he has a rewards card for the store I work at- this was ignored because he was preoccupied with the fact that he forgot (or may have dropped) something he needed- so he went to get it, and when he got back (a full 5 minutes later) I asked the question again. He said "You already asked me that" and when I tried to tell him some of the benefits of the store card he said "You already said that too, do you have memory problems?" I said no, of course I don't- that the only thing I couldn't remember was him giving me an answer and it had been five minutes since I said it. Then after I bagged his items, he asked me to double bag them, and I hesitated for a second because the request was odd given that he had only purchased some clothes and a few small packages of hooks and nails, and double bagging is usually only necessary if you have heavy/bulky items. I asked "Both of them?" (I think he had just two bags that weren't even heavy or full for that matter) and he said "Yes, and double means two." I said I know what double means sir- and I was tempted to tell him that I have a Master's degree from a somewhat prestigious school, but thought that would just invite a comment like "Then what are you doing working here?"

And come to think of it, my brother's friend usually says something along those lines whenever I go to visit at my mom's house (he lives there)- he has explained to his girlfriend at least twice that I have a Master's degree and that I'm probably smarter than he is (which is actually high praise given how smart he thinks he is), but that I work as a cashier. We've always picked on each other about stuff like that, but it does bother me that people might actually think I'm a moron because I can't get a good job right now (and in fact, haven't even applied for anything for a while because just thinking about the application/interview process puts my stomach in knots).
 

dottie

Well-known member
@lurknomore wow that guy is a grade a ______er. don't take his behavior personally. you know that guy talks down to every cashier like that.
 
I totally know where you are coming from. I am happy to say to you, your not alone. I have people talk to me like im a baby all my life, it used to bother me, as i didnt like to be treated that way. But they do that alot, and they dont do it to tease me, more like they think i am unable to help myself.

As years gone by, i just take advantage of it. They end up help speaking for me to ask for things, help me get stuff, pour drinks for me, buy me food etc...
Sure i can do it myself, but if they look at me that way, then fine.. its not bad to have something out of it. ;)

Anyways, but i know what you mean. I think people think i am retarded, because i dont seem to understand social que... but im not autistic, i am an original SA from birth, but i grew out of SA as a teenager, but then i had depression, and my SA came back, and now my commmuication is down hill... so if i cant communicate well, people think i am retarded..

Sometime i am interested in the topic, but because i am feeling anxious, i am not thinking or focus or listening properly, so communication goes wrong.
But when im online and talking about same topic, i am pretty confident and better at communication. So this is why my SA is real.

I dont lack communication because i dont have something to say, which is not SA.. i lack it becuase of my SA = anxious, nervous.. etc..

communication is the KEY for everything.

Yeah, the assumptions seem to be people's favorite thing to do when they don't know you. I had some frat boys calling me retarded to my face the first night I met them, and that was also the last night I met them because I didn't exactly want to be friends with guys that think i'm retarded. A co-worker called me retarded b4 to my face too. It just comes with the SAD, it's something we all have to deal with, I believe. There are people that assume we are stupid. That's their loss for not taking the time to get to know us, they are missing out on a good guy in my case.

Thats really rude of your co-worker! and def was his loss... normally people dont say that. so i think its just the job u r in, hires really rude people.
 
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kerunia

Active member
No, Im actually witty when i have to respond to something but Ive been told a lot that I appear rude and angry. Even when I smile at people!!! I guess my fake smiles appear as frowns or something. Its so confusing and I really dont know what to do. Now I practice in front of the mirror to smile.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
Nah, people just think I'm stuck up or mean.

I've gotten this as well. Especially if I don't respond. But that's sometimes because I don't know how to respond to their jokes or comments.... Someone told me I have that "don't mess with me" or "please leave me alone" look. (After I asked why I don't have friends....)
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Some of these vibes frankly are in your head. I still feel this way, but viewing situations under a biased lens of negativity and feeling these ways already color your view and vibes. Now ppl saying stuff and stating things well, ok. I've gotten light cases of that. THe looking angry or sad. A lot. Never retarded tho.

No doubt, I did something truly retarded last few days, and the ppl around me are chill luckily, for the most part, but definitely vibe of moronism --- and I was quiet too, but, I've come to realize just don't know unless someone clearly states or says something. But even then, my SAD colored glasses make me think ppl view me a certain way when I dont know without real evidence. I dont trust my own judgement now =D
 

geekyloaner

Well-known member
I wonder if my graduating class in high school thought I was handicapped always walked hunched over and have a lazy eye so really maybe but screw them handicap people are some of the nicest people i know. I always talk to them they come out of there way to talk to me kinda fell better when I do because it lets me let them feel like a person who isn't handicap. I make'em laugh and always give them there space just as i like my space.
 

eternalnewb

Well-known member
handicap people are some of the nicest people i know. I always talk to them they come out of there way to talk to me kinda fell better when I do because it lets me let them feel like a person who isn't handicap. I make'em laugh and always give them there space just as i like my space.

I love that you said this because so many people focus on the negative associations with having a disability when some of the most interesting and caring people I have met are people with disabilities. We need more people like you to help those with disabilities feel included in society.
 

ajajajak

Member
The problem with your thinking is that you are letting other people determine your worth rather than drawing from your own value. People can't give you your worth -- that comes only from inside yourself. Once you can truly see yourself as worthy, and approve of your own personality, then others will view you like that. See we have it twisted. We think others determine if we are good, or attractive, or competent, or successful, but really that is something for YOU to determine, and others will view you accordingly.

If you keep working on gaining approval from yourself, then approval from others will be less meaningful to you, as well as their disapproval.

Your fear of what others might think of you will keep you chained to this loop of irrational thoughts. You aren't mentally ill, you are mentally restricted because of fear. So hold on to that.

Can you explain to me how to draw selfworth when constantly being limited in your actions by fear?
 

fitftw

Well-known member
not retarded, just socially unavailable. I hate people more and more each day. I love cars and animals more and more each day.
 

jrrager

New member
Yes, 70% of people who meet me do. When i freak out in a social situation, I shut down and don't make eye contact, can't sit still, can't walk/carry myself normally, can't speak clearly, and to make matters worse, can't control my impulses and say stuff that I know people won't respond well to.

Noone has ever taken me seriously or recognized me as "one of them". They have always treated me differently. I am a 20 y/o virgin, and everybody knows it as soon as they meet me. People think there is no way that anyone could be sexually attracted to me, and question my few friends on why they associate with me.
 

Charmed

Active member
Generally, no. But I think a couple of people in the past might have thought I was. For example, a few years ago I was waiting to be picked up from school with two girls. One of them struck up a conversation with me, and asked me what artists I listen to. When I replied she said "Oh, you're normal!" in a way you would talk to a 3 or 4 year old. Like, I guess she thought I was retarded ;-;. She then asked me what my ethnic origins were and I told her English, German, Irish and I also have a little Indian in me. She then said "Oh, you're not an Indian!" with the same tone of voice :confused:. Before then, I had never really experienced a situation like this. But she obviously thought I was slow ... it was a terrible feeling. I guess I shouldn't have let it get to me, since the girl was an obvious airhead :rolleyes:.

But still, I hated her babying tone. And now I have a fear that it's going to happen again. This is a terrible thing to do, but if she thought that, I figure a lot of other people probably think I'm retarded/slow/autistic too. I guess it really doesn't matter, but I just hope I don't have any similar experiences in the future :S.
 

YellowBird

Well-known member
^i had a similar situation like that when i was younger and my sa wasn't even that bad,two girls came up to me and asked me a stupid question to trick me into answering something stupid,it's been so long ago and yet i can't forget it..or whenever someone chatted with me,after a while they would ask me about my grades.i feel so angry,even if it's us who have to believe in ourselves and present ourselves with more confidence,this competitiveness and pleasure people gain from seeing others fail or be modest drives me nuts,i'd rather be alone forever if i'm to associate with such individuals.
 

gustavofring

Well-known member
People haven't treated me retarded, but kind of in a mollycoddling way you know. You know that tone when someone thinks you're not really on his or her level of social status or intelligence, but in a "nice" way.

Also sometimes when a certain subject is going on in the convo, people tend to not look at me at all. They look at everyone in the room, but not me. As if saying, you're not intelligent enough to participate in this.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Well, I am mentally ill according to what mentally ill means. I think severe shyness is a mental illness.

Yes, people have called me retarded a fair amount of times. They've called me stupid more often than that. It's nothing new, I've been called lots of names before. I've just learned to just ignore those people. I know I'm not stupid or retarded....they obviously don't know me.

I just don't really care anymore if people think I'm unusual or stupid or whatever. I care more about being happy with what I'm doing in my life. I guess I've just learned to focus more on my own life than listen to ignorant people who think they know me when they really don't.

Something important I've learned is we can't control what other people say, so it's best to not worry about what they think of me. I don't know if I'm smart, but I know I'm not dumb.
 
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