Do i have HOCD or is it denial?

Recently, I think i have been sufferring from HOCD. Im a 13 year old boy, and have always been sure of my sexuality. Im not new to puberty and have always had sexual fantasies about girls and dated them also, but lately, for the past two weeks I have been worrying that im "turning" gay. I have been called gay basically my whole life, and have learned to just brush it off because I know im not. But I started stressing over it when my close-friend jokingly called me gay. Now, its gotten to the point when sick images of males come into my head nonstop, and no matter what I do, I can't get them out. Every second of the day it happens, and nothing so-far has gotten my mind off of it. There is a voice in my head that says "your just in denial", or "your gay", but deep deep down, I know im not. It sickens me to think of ever having a relationship with a guy, but yet, I still stress out about it. This obssession has messed with my sleeping, and school because I am not able to focus. I have become uncomfortable around guys and even watching TV for fear of getting aroused. I also know that these thoughts are irrational because you can't just "turn gay." I have looked at straight porn and gotten erections, but sometimes I dont (I think its because im stressing out about it), and that gets me worried. Never in my life would I look at gay porn, but a voice in my head says "your just scared of getting aroused." I also get butterflies in my stomach just thinking of having a wife and kids, but lately, I haven't been able to see into my future. For example, i ask myself, "How are you ever going to get a wife?"

Now, when i actually get sleep, my dreams are filled with these thoughts too. Every time im near a guy, I'll feel the need to check myself to see if Im getting an erection. I dont get an erection, but sometimes I'll start to think I am getting one, and it gets me really worried. Girls that used to give me the biggest erections, still give me erections but not as easily as they have before(my dad says its just because im stressing over it). Going to school now is a pain, because when people call me gay, it just makes the thoughts worse.

I've gotten really depressed and constantly ask "Why is this happening to me?" or "When will this ever end?" I also think back to about two weeks ago when everything was normal and I used to be able to have fun and think of other things. My appetite has gone away, I have become irritable, and for some odd reason, have become really sore. And what really annoys me is how I know im straight but still constantly obsess over it.


What I'm really trying to ask is, do you think i have HOCD?

Check out this site:

http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php

From what you've described you may have HOCD. Here are some indicators I found. It is always best to get a doctors opinion though.

HOCD includes the following:

the obsessive fear of being or becoming homosexual
the experience of intrusive, unwanted mental images of homosexual behavior, and/or
the obsessive fear that others may believe one is homosexual.

Hopefully if you think or know you've got HOCD you might be reassured that it is just a disorder of worrying about it. It is the condition and doesn't mean you're gay at all.

While I don't have HOCD, I can relate to the unwanted thoughts and images you're having and the snowballing effect of them getting worse and worse and making you stress. It is hard to concentrate on anything else. Always affects my sleep too.

I think the erection problem is due to you stressing. The more you stress the harder it will be. I knew a guy who had problems with lasting very long. The more he stressed about lasting, the shorter and harder it was. You need to try and break the cycle of thoughts. I know this is hard and I don't really have the answer how. Like you I think back to times where I had no thoughts and worries and wonder if it will ever pass. What you have to know is that there was a time when you didn't have these thoughts, and there will be a time again when you won't have them. Just keep telling yourself it's not forever. That helps me anyway telling myself it will pass, and eventually it does.

I've gone through the same thing. It's definitely OCD. If you were actually gay you'd have no problems with it.... it's THAT simple. You fear being gay, how could you be gay if it doesn't give you any pleasure? You have just overanalyzed it to the point where you're severely confused and scared.