Old 05-18-2018
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Didnt know where to put this.

Ive had the realisation that (altho I knew) 'Rugs' ( yes the guy I go on and on about - my ex, my friend..) has a delusional disorder of grandeur.

Its quite heartbreaking for me. Having social phobia as many here know, means you cut yourself short socially. At the moment, he is the closest friend I have, the only friend too.

It has gotten better than it was because there have been understandings from him as Ive gotten much better at being assertive. Though he has issues with social dependency from me and it can be stressful.

But my point is that sure I can have a good laugh with him, enjoy the company and have a close friendship and it can seem like he is of sound mind in those times almost.
But then, when he talks about how himself in such grandiose and about how he thinks he has an audience on social media like Instagram and Facebook. That he is an expert at orchestrating his pages. He thinks nobody can keep up with him and they all either admire him or get jealous and want to emotionally hurt him. He def thinks they all watch him. Which means he looks random people up and people he has or does know and tries to find hints of reactions from his posts and changes to his accounts. He thinks he is an expert at it and that he does amazing things within his day, unlike other people. When the reality is so much different to that.
He can't stand being alone with himself which means he is always pressuring me to do things with him and contacting me. He has anxiety about it.

Anyways- I cant have an authentic friendship with him with all these delusions there. Its heartbreaking because he has become so much a good friend now. He does nice things so often and is many times tries so hard to please me.

Ive tried a few times, in conversation when he goes on and on about these delusions of his. It can be really frustrating and Ive questions them to him, which has made him quite mad straight away. Unlike him to be swearing at me. There is just no cognition to his mind on it. He cannot think otherwise on his delusions- other than they are real and that's that. Even when evidence suggests otherwise.

Ill explain calmly and ask the questions like a CBT therapist would. It doesn't end well. Every part of his life is about these delusions that it limits his life so greatly. He thinks by going with walks with him and he religiously takes photos of it so he can put them on his Instagram/Facebook because he does real life things in his day, amazing things and other people supposedly don't. His response is also that he sees me not doing much on social media and uses my social phobia as an example that I dont know people and dont know what Im talking about.

Its so frustrating because I cant just go up to him and say look, Im getting very stressed out and depressed because i cannot deal with your delusions because they become ingrained in my everyday life if I spend that much time with you. I mean that sounds terrible.
But I do get depressed and feel like just giving up on for a day or so to just lie in bed because of it. But then he always constacts me and try to cheer me up and has a laugh and I feel like I just cant even be authentic if I tried. I literally feel like I cannot trust him, him being there for me, his help in things, his friendship because of his illness. If he cant see the logic in so many things- things online and things he does all the time- then I cannot trust his advice or friendship in general as it makes me repelled to think Im going to end up like him and believe in his things.

Sorry this is getting long lol.

I just want to know to deal emotionally myself with these delusions he has because they drive me to so much stress and emotional upset. It feels like I cant be a true friend because I have to hold myself back. Im more truer to others I hardly know than him because I have to tip toe around his illness. It also feels like Im accepting his delusional life by being part of it and that feels like sickening to me. He is so dominant that it can seem like ive lost my identity to his illness which makes no sense at all lol.
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Last edited by grapevine; 05-18-2018 at 02:12 PM.
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Old 05-18-2018
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The fact of the matter is that although hanging out with him feels good to you (to an extent) because at least it's some social interaction, he should be medicated, in therapy, or simply commited somewhere. I'm guessing his delusions don't include any serious types of aggression, otherwise you'd stay away, but you never know what's truly happening in the mind of someone who lives outside of reality.
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grapevine (05-19-2018)
Old 05-19-2018
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I'm not downplaying the severity of his issues & how they affect yourself & others, but i have found that depression exaggerates things, & causes you to get upset over even the smallest of things, when without the depression you wouldn't get so upset or upset at all. So the depression can make "unreal" stuff even more unreal. Could this be what is happening here or is it a factor
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Old 05-19-2018
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Thanks guys.

Well he takes Risperdal injection every 3 weeks. Its a high dose I think. Its a strong anti-psychotic. But that is as far as the help for his condition goes. His sister has similar problems which are common with delusional disorder and schizophrenia apparently. They play on each other's delusions and paranoia it's ill-fitting to see.

His mother just ignores it all. She doesn't bother and almost sees him as a normal person.

Im not even sure if delusions like his are a form of psychosis or not. To me, I think he should be in therapy and also getting other help for structuring his time. The government recently knocked back his application to get disability welfare without a reason. So he is on job hunting welfare meaning they think he is a normal sound of mind person, an, of course, he goes along with that- he is even maybe getting a job with a fruit packing company which even if he gets it, he will undoubtedly decide not to go somewhere down the track.

I think i do have a bit of depression from all the emotional stress of it. And yes prone to sensitivity from him. He is very dominant on his views and values in his life and its nothing like the way mine are - I think and believe in completely different ways and of course, im not delusional. His schizpphrenia plays on my anxiety disorder.

But his mind gets hammered at me and he wont leave me alone. He is always around and it makes me feel so frustrated, powerless and angry. I just want to tell him straight (which I have done before) he has delusions. His reality is not reality.

Its like a bombardment of it all the time. His world in his mind is all about the internet and thinking he dominates people in some game on social media. Thats, where he thinks he has achieved in life and doesn't, need to do anything else.

On one hand I have someone who cares deeply for me- that I cant be the true friend he is to me because of all this deluded illness he has. Its a gaping divide he isn't aware of. And on the other, I feel upset and lonely because I have to mentally give up on this friendship (limit it greatly) for my own health and well being, which he wouldnt understand and could hurt him.

It just is stressful because he is completely unaware of it. He does all these things to be a really good friend now and concerned with pleasing me. Being actively conscious because he wasn't much before, until I was assertive.
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Last edited by grapevine; 05-19-2018 at 02:33 AM.
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Old 05-21-2018
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I have actually dealt with such delusions myself. When I was a kid, I was going to be president someday. Later on, I started having delusions of becoming a transformative spiritual leader. I still have a hard time fathoming that there are people who do not feel any interest in being famous or influential or "great".
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Old 05-25-2018
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yeh, mental health can really create distances b/t people, sorry you're going thru such a thing, I am too.
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therefore it's better to be normal b/c it's hard to form friendships or get a partner when you have mental health issues. it's hard to get a friend or partner. I'm thinking we have to strive to be normal people, to get better.
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From what you're saying, his mental health status certainly is concerning. His mother's inability (or unwillingness) to notice the issues, more so. His delusions will most likely one day lead to him developing paranoia (based on what you said about him feeling like everyone is watching him) and a paranoid person is unpredictable. And dangerous. His mother is only encouraging his debilitating mindset through her inaction. So having him and her go see a therapist about his delusions is a great first step in solving this. If possible, he could use his delusions as a positive force in his life, a driving force to push him to excel and thrive.

But, grapevine, you concern me as well. You do seem a bit fixated on him. While wanting to help him and see him do well is most certainly a good goal and one that should be pursued, don't overwork yourself. You have to live your own life as well and you shouldn't have to sacrifice it or your happiness in order to try to save someone else. This is ultimately his life and he has to live it on his own and to try to take the reins from his hands and refuse to allow him to make mistakes and accept the consequences of his actions is, I believe, the greatest disservice you could do. Don't be afraid to walk out; we can't save everyone. As much as we'd like to do so. I've walked that path before and I've seen where it ends. The stress of having to take care of him will burn away at you and that stress will turn into resentment and anger as you grind yourself to the bone for him. The friendship will deteriorate and only an ugly ending between the two of you will await then.

So, just, be careful, okay? Never forget your altruism, but, sometimes, you just have to walk away from a situation. His life and success are not your responsibility to bear.
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unfortunately i don't think you can be friends even from how you've been writing all this time but he's a person of worth too whether it's genetic or he has a reason for him being this way.
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