crazy thoughts make me wanna puke

after the day ends i wanna explode knowing i wasnt myself today. i cant be myself knowing in a false sorta way that people wont like me.people already seem to hate me...whenever they try to approach me i shy away and answer with a few words i think are safe to say...but they dont understand they think this is me. they must think im a bitch. someone called me a bitch once cuz he got fed up trying to get my attention or talk to me and get me to talk. i cut some of skin in the beginning of the week. one side of my cheek i slashed and i bled.. everyone asks me how i am and how i got cut. i pretend it's nothing.. i'm such an idiot. but im so hurt and im suffering so much it's like im bleeding inside.

people cut themselves to surface the pain, but dont do that, its only going to make things worse, ive never cut myself so i dont really know how your feeling im sorry

I always come off as a bitch too, its like a shield for us, but something we dont mean to do, it just happens that way.
I wish SP didnt exist i wish none of us had this problem, its gotta be one of the worst things to have, but we could get over it. i dont even know what im trying to say but i wanted to reply. so im just going to end it with that and i hope your feeling better.

I have serious problems talking with people and a lot of people get turned off by the way i haltingly speak and the way i get really uncomfortable. i cut myself too and i understand how u feel. i wish i could get out something intelligent once in a awhile...SP sucks

Jess_19 said:

after the day ends i wanna explode knowing i wasnt myself today. i cant be myself knowing in a false sorta way that people wont like me.people already seem to hate me...whenever they try to approach me i shy away and answer with a few words i think are safe to say...but they dont understand they think this is me. they must think im a bitch. someone called me a bitch once cuz he got fed up trying to get my attention or talk to me and get me to talk. i cut some of skin in the beginning of the week. one side of my cheek i slashed and i bled.. everyone asks me how i am and how i got cut. i pretend it's nothing.. i'm such an idiot. but im so hurt and im suffering so much it's like im bleeding inside.

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Hey Jess_19.

I hear what you're saying about wanting to be yourself despite the situation. It can be difficult at times to be yourself in a society that tends to "go with the flow" so to speak. If you can find the balance between the two extremes, you may soon realize that being yourself is a good thing. However, self-mutilation(cutting yourself) is not a good thing. Physical pain is not the answer to relieving mental pain. Is there a possiblity that you could find an alternative to help release your stress?

I used to be really shy at school and got bullied because the other girls used to think I was just a snob who didn't want to bother with them but it was because I was afraid people wouldn't like Me!
Don't cut Yourself Hun!! I'll bet You're lovely and this thing is all in Your head!

NO!!!!!!!!

advice

Tie your hair back before you puke, stop bleeding on the inside, avoid sharp objects. *sigh...I don't know why I waste my time helping you morons.

Love,

Two Words

i do appreciate all what yous had to say. it's so nice to know there ARE people out there who seem to care. but then again.. today was another day and it was more terrible than the day before. i'm so anxious and upset around people it's really too fucked up... im sorry to say but i always seem to lose hope and it can take me sometimes a while to get it back up. WHAT DO I DOOOOOO?!?!?!? 8O

A dog hopes for its master...to pop in,now and again...
And it has no choice.

It is like being dependant on our mind,to sway one way or the next.Happiness or Worry?.

People think about you here,who have survived scares,or who are not THAT bad off...whi've found enlightment some way.

Grab whatever is closest to you,in your life....What makes you smile,for even an instant.and hug it.

catch twenty two words... real moron

if u have nuthin helpful to say then shut up for real u dick head u make me pissed
before when u said u were never coming back to these forums u freakin come back r u stupid? u're still here being a bitch. like u want to make shit with evrybody
get out my face twenty two words

Fuck off and die. You dont understand anyone here, you never will. Why do you find it nescessary to come on here and mock people with serious deep-rooted problems? What does that say about you?

I suggest you keep to your word and never visit these forums again.

sup

totally know wut u mean.. i hate when at the end of the day i have a whole list of things i couldve said but didn't cz i couldnt even calm down long enough to think of them! its like my brain freezez when someone tries to talk with me.. so sucks.. they're cool people..i jus get so nervous its all i can think bout-being nervous! before i know it the conversations gone..and then im thinking wut an idiot i am for thinking all that when all i had to do is relax......it drives me crazy!!... but in other situations its not bad at all..only when it comes to people i don't know.. sigh... any suggestions to make my life less stressful!!??!!

naww, im no stressfree expert but all u gotta do is try to relieve your symptoms by keeping urself calm by teliing urself ur going to regret not being calm.. or whatever ...hey it's funny when i give advice when i dont try it myself...
well goodluck to you

Hi Jess, I am like you. I tend to give out more advice and what I can take myself. try not to cut yourself , it's not worth it. i know how you feel, I feel the same way about people not liking me and having trouble accepting me because I'm quiet and never know what to say. Mine is from a lack of confidence/low self esteem but I am working on that. I got myself a dog and that is the best thing I ever did, when I get really down I give him a cuddle or take him for a walk.

Don't worry about catch twenty two words. He isn't worth it. It's obvious he has got a big chip on his shoulder and his problems go alot deeper and are worse than ours.

i need self-esteem for real man or better yet a new and improved life.........life without sp.
social phobia's most likey the worst thing to go through.. and im in the middle of it trying to survive. yeah lonelycody i dont need twenty's opinion it's nothing but useless to me- to anyone. thanx ur cool. thanxeveryone!

Jess_19 said:

social phobia's most likey the worst thing to go through..

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My friend, it is not the worst thing. I went through something even worst than you. I had general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, hypocondria, social phobia, depression and alcoholism all at the same time. I lived in constant fear for 10 years straight. But i was able to conquer it.

What is happening to you is that you have learned that you are worthless. So you have developped behaviours that permit either to cope with that. Either by avoiding situations or cutting yourself.

What you need to do, if you want to help yourself is the following:

1. commit yourself to learn as much as possible about the disorder. Take a solid week to read all that you can about it.

2. commit yourself to analyzing yourself and how you fit in the SP disorder. What makes you tick and such

3. learn how to relax with deep breathing exercises. THat is the key to tackling this problem with a clear head.

4. Gradually eliminate the negative thoughts in your mind.

5. gradually replace with more positive thoughts.

Remember, this takes time and practice to accomplish. You will not find anything that will cure you in 10 minutes. It takes time.

Just like if you would want to become a golf champions. You need daily practice and commitment. Only then will you get better and better...

yeah thanx for ur help steve but what is a hippochondria ? sounds cool

oh yeah and by the way steve about being worthless i know somehow i have worth like i have potential of becoming a "better me" but i can't get it through my brain when i reach the social situation part... i cant help but not feel my worth ahhhh 8O

This Forum

I just happened to stumble upon this forum, and I would like to add if I may.

To Jess_19:

When I was younger, around 13-15, I used to cut myself to deal with issues that I didn’t understand until I got older. I never new that this was wrong or even that other people did it too. Since that time, I’ve learned alternative methods to dealing with my emotions. I’m able to look back on the events of the past and see the processes that led me in the wrong direction. I found that physical fitness was an effective medium for me. I worked out in the gym and devoted my energy into making pain into growth. It worked out well. I still do that at times even today. I’ve found constructive ways of dealing with my anger and other emotions as opposed to destructive methods. I would recommend the same to you as well. We all have scars, both internal and external, the last thing we need to do is have something to remind ourselves of pain from the past. Plus, not only that, but everything we do ends up being habitual after time. If your brain associates what your doing to be an effective means to solving the problem, then it will always try and force the same events on you again. Cut now cut tomorrow too. That’s why I recommend that you find a creative method of dealing with things. I hope the best for you. I was lucky and thankful that I managed to overcome my weaknesses. I haven’t overcome them all, but my education and past experience has helped me build a template to learn from in the future. I hope that the same goes for you. Best wishes, and remember… there’s always someone that cares. Like me, I care… and I don’t even know you.

v/r
Ryan

thank youu Ryan ur cool. ur very sweet