Confidence Not For You?

Satine

Well-known member
Does anybody here look at confident people and see that they just seem to have it made? Does anyone feel that confidence somehow 'isn't for them'?

I'm curious to know how many people have this feeling. I used to have it. I had several aquaintances when I had very bad SA who told me that I just needed to show more confidence. I always ignored this because I felt that there wasn't any point: if I didn't feel real confidence, why would I want to fake it?

I'm just fishing here for any common experience on this.

Thanks in advance.
 

Lexmark

Well-known member
Its all about lovong yourself ( I know, sounds gay )
But everyone with SP has had something happen to them that makes us think we arent worth dog shit
 

Satine

Well-known member
I recognise this.

I think that taking a simple 'brute force' approach to SA (by faking confidence and happiness until it's real) has limited value as a cure/solution. Sometimes there are underlying reasons for it that need to be addressed.

But I'm interested to know how many people here refuse to act confident because they feel that it's just not 'them'. I'm quite certain that there are such people here. If individual problems need to be looked at, then fine. But a forum like this one is, surely, about solutions. So how many would be able to move forward if not for a dogmatic approach to not being confident?
 

StonedBob

Well-known member
I also believe that SP as something to do with self-confidence and self-esteem.
I also think, like Satine said, that if we act like someone confident, this will make people want to interact with us. That's true that people prefer speak with someone that seems "more sociable" than with someone that stay alone, saying nothing even if someone tries to speak with him.
But as I said, it's also difficult to act like someone confident when you're not. For exemple, before social situations that frighten me the most, I try to tell myself : "Be cool, at least act cool, and everything will be all right", but when I'm in these situations, my brain goes out of control, I don't know what to say and I forget all about acting confident :D.
And yeah, it's also difficult for me 'cause I don't feel like a confident person. When I try to act confident I have the feeling that it's not me speaking but someone else... But maybe because I have no self-confidence at this time makes me feel like I will never be someone confident :confused:.
As I said before, I'm trying a slightly different approach, trying to convince myself that no one is expecting me to be perfect, funny, interesting, etc... all the time (I know I'm repeating what I said in the chatbox, sorry), and so I'm less affraid to speak to people I don't know (or just a little bit) in most social situations. But I also think (like you both said) that these methods (and also CBT) can be very useful, but are limited by the fact that they won't solve the underlying origins of our SA.

I don't feel like my post is very helpful and brings a lot of new elements, but whatever
 

Satine

Well-known member
But as I said, it's also difficult to act like someone confident when you're not. For exemple, before social situations that frighten me the most, I try to tell myself : "Be cool, at least act cool, and everything will be all right", but when I'm in these situations, my brain goes out of control, I don't know what to say and I forget all about acting confident

That sounds fair enough. It sounds like you give it a fair try and that's the only point I'm making. Good for you that you try :)

When I try to act confident I have the feeling that it's not me speaking but someone else... But maybe because I have no self-confidence at this time makes me feel like I will never be someone confident :confused:.

Hmm. Do you think it would help to have some ideas as to how to fake confidence? A few pointers, as it were?

I don't feel like my post is very helpful and brings a lot of new elements, but whatever

It sounds helpful to me :) All genuine contributions help.
 

WAYNEE

Member
i think we are just stuck this way.i try to act confident but it never lasts and i end up more nervous than ever.
 

Havocan

Well-known member
I had several aquaintances when I had very bad SA who told me that I just needed to show more confidence. I always ignored this because I felt that there wasn't any point: if I didn't feel real confidence, why would I want to fake it?

The same thing goes through my mind, and in the end I think everyone who doesn't feel confident about themselves end up deluding themselves by trying to exhibit feelings which they do not possess. It's so obvious at certain persons when they try to have self-esteem but you can see they fail to convince the rest because they're not really happy.

Those who truly believe in themselves and doesn't see every failure as a personal loss, who are able to smile and laugh even though life is harsh and try to make the best out of things are the ones who are most self-confident in my opinion. They don't need to be any good at something or lucky, they've just been blessed with that view on life and its consequences.

Actually I've performed better than some of those at several things and though I'm superior to them at that thing they still pretend like they've won in the Olympics^^.
 
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