Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-23-2011
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,608
Thanked 0 Times
Sinar_Matahari Sinar_Matahari is offline
Elite User
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,608
Thanked 0 Times
I've been thinking about confidence lately and how overrated it has become. I started searching the Internet for articles that would reflect how I've begun to feel about confidence and why I would sometimes rather appear insecure and be honest than appear sure of myself and be disingenuous. I find that this is something which most people can't appreciate so I decided to share this with people who understand.

Confidence is overrated | EccentricSiren on Xanga
__________________
"He dare not come in company for fear he should be misused, disgraced, overshoot himself in gesture or speech or be sick; he thinks every man observes him." Hippocrates

I have retained my Jedi powers!!!
Sinar_Matahari is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-23-2011
coyote's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
coyote coyote is offline
Elite User
coyote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
^that's awesome, thanks!
__________________
"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
coyote is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-23-2011
userremoved
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
userremoved
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
"It's great to encourage people, but we sacrifice honesty in the process. And in the absence of honesty, no one knows the truth anymore."

I like this. I was thinking this very same thing when told that I should fake confidence in certain things. The very same dudes are just as troubled as me but they put on the facade that they are something different. Making us all look like liars.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-23-2011
coyote's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
coyote coyote is offline
Elite User
coyote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
the pretense of confidence out of insecurity isn't really confidence at all

true confidence is being okay with allowing people to see that you're insecure
__________________
"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
coyote is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-23-2011
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 110
Thanked 0 Times
Road to recovery Road to recovery is offline
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 110
Thanked 0 Times
Edited Message

Last edited by Road to recovery; 06-29-2014 at 12:50 PM. Reason: I want to leave this forum for good
Road to recovery is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-23-2011
Deus_Ex_Lemur's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: California Dreaming
Posts: 1,955
Thanked 14 Times
Deus_Ex_Lemur Deus_Ex_Lemur is offline
Elite User
Deus_Ex_Lemur's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: California Dreaming
Posts: 1,955
Thanked 14 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by coyote View Post
the pretense of confidence out of insecurity isn't really confidence at all

true confidence is being okay with allowing people to see that you're insecure
Master Coyote just gave me a new quote!
__________________
"You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down."---Mary Pickford.

"Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain." ---R.W Emerson

"I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky! Like a LEMUR defying the laws of gravity."---Queen
Deus_Ex_Lemur is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-23-2011
coyote's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
coyote coyote is offline
Elite User
coyote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deus_Ex_Lemur View Post
Master Coyote just gave me a new quote!
i'll have my attorney draw up the necessary documents
__________________
"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
coyote is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,608
Thanked 0 Times
Sinar_Matahari Sinar_Matahari is offline
Elite User
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,608
Thanked 0 Times
I'm glad that you guys like the article. I particularly like the comments at the bottom. My whole outlook on confidence has evolved and it's not simply due to this article. I have to admit it has helped strengthen my opinion.
__________________
"He dare not come in company for fear he should be misused, disgraced, overshoot himself in gesture or speech or be sick; he thinks every man observes him." Hippocrates

I have retained my Jedi powers!!!
Sinar_Matahari is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
Beatrice
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Beatrice
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Hahaha. I like the part in the article about how "insecure" is the favorite insult lately. Someone doesn't like you? Well, it's obviously because they're insecure! lol

Good link. Very good points too. So someone has some self-esteem issues? So what? Guess what? EVERYONE DOES!!! In some area of even the most confident person's life, he or she is going to have some doubt, some *gasp* INSECURITY! Oh my god, call the personality police! (or.... something).

Honestly. I'm just going to stop paying any mind to any type of insult, negative criticism, snark, bitchiness.... whatever comes my way. Okay, so maybe I should have done that a long time ago, and easier said than done, but... When you are able to fully realize how little it matters and how most if it just isn't true.... it's quite liberating.

For example, someone once called me fat, and honestly...... I genuinely found it amusing because it is clearly untrue (I weigh 108 pounds, and that's high for me.... I was 103 earlier this year).

Sorry, getting off track. Liked the link, and yeah, people need to get over this confidence craze. I'm sick of arrogant douchebags and I'm sick of people with self-image issues feeling even worse because of them.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
Solitudes_Grace's Avatar
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 202
Thanked 0 Times
Solitudes_Grace Solitudes_Grace is offline
Intermediate User
Solitudes_Grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 202
Thanked 0 Times
I do not understand. Confidence is important. Not having confidence makes us weak. Seems like the article is just trying to glorify a personality flaw to me.
__________________
"The world is not beautiful; and that, in a way, lends it a sort of beauty."
--from Kino's Journey: The Beautiful World
Solitudes_Grace is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
userremoved
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
userremoved
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Solitudes_Grace View Post
I do not understand. Confidence is important. Not having confidence makes us weak. Seems like the article is just trying to glorify a personality flaw to me.
Everybody lacks confidence in something. The whole point was that people put TOO much emphasis on it to the point that if you lack confidence in something that makes you less than others somehow. I was in my Japanese class the other day and when we had to give our oral presentations, people were up there, hands trembling, voices quavering and generally looking uncomfortable. Most likely because they lacked confidence in their performances up there. But it would be wrong for me to look down on them because they aren't perfectly sure of themselves in every possible way.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
Solitudes_Grace's Avatar
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 202
Thanked 0 Times
Solitudes_Grace Solitudes_Grace is offline
Intermediate User
Solitudes_Grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 202
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by PipsMcClawski View Post
Everybody lacks confidence in something. The whole point was that people put TOO much emphasis on it to the point that if you lack confidence in something that makes you less than others somehow. I was in my Japanese class the other day and when we had to give our oral presentations, people were up there, hands trembling, voices quavering and generally looking uncomfortable. Most likely because they lacked confidence in their performances up there. But it would be wrong for me to look down on them because they aren't perfectly sure of themselves in every possible way.
I am not saying that those who lack confidence in a particular situation are somehow less valuable than others. I just think that confidence is a desirable personality trait. Those students in your class would have felt much better about themselves if they had more confidence in themselves. Almost everyone who visits this website suffers form a lack of confidence. If we all actually had confidence and believed in ourselves, we would not have social anxiety. Confidence is something every human being should always strive towards. I realize that the arrogance is the extreme opposite of having no confidence, and we must always strive to avoid arrogance in the same way that we strive to avoid having no confidence in ourselves. Self-confidence between the extremes of no confidence and arrogance is extremely important. We should never write self-confidence off as unnecessary.
__________________
"The world is not beautiful; and that, in a way, lends it a sort of beauty."
--from Kino's Journey: The Beautiful World
Solitudes_Grace is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
userremoved
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
userremoved
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I didnt get the impression from the article that it was saying that self confidence was unnecessary or that lack of it was desirable. Just that people put such a bad stigma on lack of confidence that it forces people to fake confidence just to avoid being ostracized. But yeah you should always strive to feel better about yourself. Just make sure its feel confidence and not a mask with just the desire to be accepted.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
MaliceInWickedland's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,625
Thanked 0 Times
MaliceInWickedland MaliceInWickedland is offline
Elite User
MaliceInWickedland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,625
Thanked 0 Times
Couldn't agree more with this. Insecurity is a part of being a human being. Yes. Shame so many people today seem to have forgotten the meaning of humanity.
MaliceInWickedland is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-24-2011
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,608
Thanked 0 Times
Sinar_Matahari Sinar_Matahari is offline
Elite User
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,608
Thanked 0 Times
I've come to realize that the one thing which has benefited me more than confidence is courage. I have succeeded at times when I was insecure. Courage was the driving force behind this. Now I'm not saying that confidence is useless. I simply want my confidence to be genuine and not an act implemented to deceive others into valuing me.
__________________
"He dare not come in company for fear he should be misused, disgraced, overshoot himself in gesture or speech or be sick; he thinks every man observes him." Hippocrates

I have retained my Jedi powers!!!
Sinar_Matahari is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-28-2011
lonely_drummer's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,207
Thanked 0 Times
lonely_drummer lonely_drummer is offline
Elite User
lonely_drummer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,207
Thanked 0 Times
I like this! Really good outlook
lonely_drummer is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-28-2011
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 78
Thanked 0 Times
redmatter redmatter is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 78
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by coyote View Post
the pretense of confidence out of insecurity isn't really confidence at all

true confidence is being okay with allowing people to see that you're insecure
I agree, unfortunately it's all dictated by mob rule. That is, if you have a fake personality, but it works in the group then confidence can be a complete sham. These people are generally shallow, the type that can't live and let live - and when they act like bleeding hearts it's just an act but g-pop support them.

Showing real insecurity is abused and trashed if you can't pretend and fit in. It's a joke, but I couldn't agree with your statement more.

Last edited by redmatter; 09-28-2011 at 08:36 PM.
redmatter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-28-2011
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 78
Thanked 0 Times
redmatter redmatter is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 78
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinar_Matahari View Post
I've come to realize that the one thing which has benefited me more than confidence is courage. I have succeeded at times when I was insecure. Courage was the driving force behind this. Now I'm not saying that confidence is useless. I simply want my confidence to be genuine and not an act implemented to deceive others into valuing me.
Ha, this is brilliant, because I've actually said this to myriad people who had no problem telling me I have no confidence. I don't have confidence about my social life, I have no clue as to what people need from me, so who would? I have other reasons not to be confident, but people think it's OK to lock me out on every level because of them, so again who would have confidence? Now that I no longer want to participate in the losing game, it's just another excuse to knock my "confidence" level into the ground. What they can't see though is that real confidence can be generated by making steps to live your own life by using your own thoughts, even if that means risking your own life.
redmatter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-28-2011
coyote's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
coyote coyote is offline
Elite User
coyote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: up north
Posts: 13,759
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by redmatter View Post
I agree, unfortunately it's all dictated by mob rule. That is, if you have a fake personality, but it works in the group then confidence can be a complete sham. These people are generally shallow, the type that can't live and let live - and when they act like bleeding hearts it's just an act but g-pop support them.

Showing real insecurity is abused and trashed if you can't pretend and fit in. It's a joke, but I couldn't agree with your statement more.
dude, you gotta find a better class of people to hang with
__________________
"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
coyote is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 09-28-2011
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 78
Thanked 0 Times
redmatter redmatter is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 78
Thanked 0 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by coyote View Post
dude, you gotta find a better class of people to hang with
Man, we're (I am) talking about people in general. Family, "friends," a personality and anxiety "disorder," it's not that easy... I put disorder in quotes because I like to say it's logic and reason in an otherwise insane world. The way you say find other people to hang out with as if it's a simple thing is a bit odd especially on this site. There must be a gigantic difference between social anxiety and Asperger's, I don't know. I find most people tend to lack class, or join in with the group. Maybe that's it, when you don't fit as everyone does this kind of thing can create a vortex or black hole.

Last edited by redmatter; 09-28-2011 at 10:31 PM.
redmatter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Self Confidence. Anti Matter Social Anxiety Forum 29 11-18-2010 12:26 AM
No difference between having self-confidence and pretending to have self-confidence? Truthseeker Social Anxiety Forum 19 07-05-2010 02:08 PM
Confidence Not For You? Satine Social Anxiety Forum 6 02-05-2009 12:52 PM
I have no confidence... princess_haru Depression Forum 7 11-16-2008 08:58 PM
Confidence sabbath92001 Social Anxiety Forum 1 09-03-2007 08:41 AM

All times are GMT. The time now is 11:28 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.10
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
 
Contact Us Privacy